An Increasing Number of Children Estranged from Parents

[Bootstrap]

=Anndet, I appreciate your posts, you raise important points that we can gloss over.

I have an estranged daughter, and part of the problem I have is that so may of the things she says she was injured by involve not affirming her trans identity. She does not want me to have pictures of her as a child, because they clearly look female. She wants me to positively affirm that there are more than two genders. And I frankly don't know how to apologize for these things with integrity. She sees it as abusive to not do these things. So we are stuck.

Like any parent, I have done some things that I do see as harmful. But those are not the things she wants to talk about. There's a set of preconditions to have any conversation. And I just don't know how to give her what she is asking for.

Bootstrap, my heart goes out to you, so far you seem guided by Holy Spirit and Gods Word to help you keep from compromising and giving in to what you know to be false, but I’m sure you can only be stuck.

I think the Bible calls us to more than just being right. I think it calls us to have the love the Father had toward the Prodigal Son, to relate to people with the love Jesus showed the woman caught in adultery, to go beyond what seems normal.

I want to do both. That's very challenging. But I don't want to close my heart, I want to be open to any way God might call me to change. Being right about the issue is only half the picture here. And there are certainly other places where I was not as good a father as I wish I had been, those are things I can be humble about.

[Valerie]

=Anndet, I appreciate your posts, you raise important points that we can gloss over.

I have an estranged daughter, and part of the problem I have is that so may of the things she says she was injured by involve not affirming her trans identity. She does not want me to have pictures of her as a child, because they clearly look female. She wants me to positively affirm that there are more than two genders. And I frankly don't know how to apologize for these things with integrity. She sees it as abusive to not do these things. So we are stuck.

Like any parent, I have done some things that I do see as harmful. But those are not the things she wants to talk about. There's a set of preconditions to have any conversation. And I just don't know how to give her what she is asking for.

Bootstrap, my heart goes out to you, so far you seem guided by Holy Spirit and Gods Word to help you keep from compromising and giving in to what you know to be false, but I’m sure you can only be stuck.

I think the Bible calls us to more than just being right. I think it calls us to have the love the Father had toward the Prodigal Son, to relate to people with the love Jesus showed the woman caught in adultery, to go beyond what seems normal.

I want to do both. That's very challenging. But I don't want to close my heart, I want to be open to any way God might call me to change. Being right about the issue is only half the picture here. And there are certainly other places where I was not as good a father as I wish I had been, those are things I can be humble about.

I agree about the love, humbling yourself, none of us are perfect, just keep in mind. The prodigal son had to hit his bottom, and then he came back to his father who never compromised and submitted to his father at that point, his eyes were opened.

[R7ehr]

Bootstrap, my heart goes out to you, so far you seem guided by Holy Spirit and Gods Word to help you keep from compromising and giving in to what you know to be false, but I’m sure you can only be stuck.

I think the Bible calls us to more than just being right. I think it calls us to have the love the Father had toward the Prodigal Son, to relate to people with the love Jesus showed the woman caught in adultery, to go beyond what seems normal.

I want to do both. That's very challenging. But I don't want to close my heart, I want to be open to any way God might call me to change. Being right about the issue is only half the picture here. And there are certainly other places where I was not as good a father as I wish I had been, those are things I can be humble about.

I agree about the love, humbling yourself, none of us are perfect, just keep in mind. The prodigal son had to hit his bottom, and then he came back to his father who never compromised and submitted to his father at that point, his eyes were opened.

The father in that story did compromise after the son repented. And not in any wrong way. He compromised his tradition and bent his culture in order to welcome his son home. The picture of a ridgid father not giving an inch, his way or the highway, 100%, is not accurate.

[Valerie]

I think the Bible calls us to more than just being right. I think it calls us to have the love the Father had toward the Prodigal Son, to relate to people with the love Jesus showed the woman caught in adultery, to go beyond what seems normal.

I want to do both. That's very challenging. But I don't want to close my heart, I want to be open to any way God might call me to change. Being right about the issue is only half the picture here. And there are certainly other places where I was not as good a father as I wish I had been, those are things I can be humble about.

I agree about the love, humbling yourself, none of us are perfect, just keep in mind. The prodigal son had to hit his bottom, and then he came back to his father who never compromised and submitted to his father at that point, his eyes were opened.

The father in that story did compromise after the son repented. And not in any wrong way. He compromised his tradition and bent his culture in order to welcome his son home. The picture of a ridgid father not giving an inch, his way or the highway, 100%, is not accurate.

What if his son was transgender & wanted him to call him “she”?

[ohio jones]

What if his son was transgender & wanted him to call him “she”?

Well, he did say "I am no longer worthy to be called your son." But the father called him "my son" anyway. Once he knew that his father accepted him back, I don't think he cared about his pronouns.

[Valerie]

What if his son was transgender & wanted him to call him “she”?

Well, he did say "I am no longer worthy to be called your son." But the father called him "my son" anyway. Once he knew that his father accepted him back, I don't think he cared about his pronouns.

Right, the son repented & humbled himself. I am no way conveying you don’t love your children by being obedient to the Lord. You can do both.

[R7ehr]

What if his son was transgender & wanted him to call him “she”?

I don’t think it is possible to do that, and also repent.

[temporal1]

i have a now long-time family situation, a close cousin who decided to change her name as an adult.
she was always very loved as far as i knew .. because she was so loved, the name change was awkward, she wasn’t very successful, but she’s clung to it. i use both names, and i’m sad about the conflict, on both sides. she changed her first and last names. kinda like many authors do. but they keep their birth names.

after some years, we were talking, i asked why she changed her name? “because i felt unloved” unappreciated .. ??
this puzzled me, i’d always admired her in every way. as i believed others did, as well.

her mother continued to use her birth name. as some others did, too. i use both names.

i asked her if she realized her birth name means “beautiful” in Spanish?
she surely had as much Spanish in public schools as i?? same school district.

i don’t recall a reply. she was quiet.
she seemed authentically surprised how i described my view of what she meant to me and others in the family.

it’s strange how serious miscommunications happen.

today .. i suppose this might have caused estrangement. i don’t know if she had formal counseling.