Divorce, remarriage and your church

[JohnH]

But that didn't answer my question. Do you have a written statement of faith that spells out that position on divorce and remarriage? If so, could you email it to me?

Being small and independent we don’t really have formal written documents like larger groups. We have a search committee that selects preachers and the rest is preached from the pulpit. Some would call it an oral history I suppose.

... so if a couple who is divorced and remarried wants to take communion, do you let them or not? Or is it on a case by case basis?

[Ken]

I no longer attend an Anabaptist church except when we are visiting family. But at the church where my wife and I most frequently attend, no one is excluded from the church based on divorce or marital status. In fact, no sincere person is excluded from the church for any reason I can think of. All are welcome.

Divorce is actually a civil and not a religious process. So it isn't really something that the church gets involved in. There is no church process for undertaking a divorce. It is done through the legal system. However if anyone who is divorced wants to remarry within the church they need to gain special permission from a regional bishop. There is some sort of formal process where their minister petitions the bishop on behalf of the couple. This petition requires the couple to provide information about their divorce, undertake pre-marital counseling within the church, and affirm their commitment to a Christian life together. I'm not very familiar with the process since neither my wife nor I have ever been divorced, nor were we married in this church. It's not something that really comes up except privately for divorced couples seeking to remarry within the church.

[JohnH]

In Anabaptist circles divorce is a religious process. My church has a process to follow and permission is rarely granted. Basically requires cruelty / abuse of the children thus necessitating a legal divorce, or else adultery which we believe breaks the marriage bond.

[Ken]

In Anabaptist circles divorce is a religious process. My church has a process to follow and permission is rarely granted. Basically requires cruelty / abuse of the children thus necessitating a legal divorce, or else adultery which we believe breaks the marriage bond.

In your church is there an actual religious ceremony of some sort for divorce like the talaq thalatha in Islam, where a husband says "I divorce you" (or the Arabic word talaq) three times at once to instantly and irrevocably end the marriage? Or like the Catholic process for obtaining an annulment where there is a diocesan tribunal that grants or denies the annulment?

Or do you just have a process where you either grant or deny permission for church members to go ahead and file for a civil divorce in civil court?

[Robert]

We affirm the Confession of Faith in a Mennonite Perspective. A few snips from the article on marriage, https://www.mennoniteusa.org/who-are-me ... /marriage/

We believe that God intends marriage to be a covenant between one man and one woman for life.

Some in the church experience divorce, abuse, sexual misconduct, and other problems that make marriage and family life burdensome or even impossible. Jesus affirmed the sanctity of marriage (Matt. 5:32) and pointed to hardness of the heart as the ultimate cause of divorce (Mark 10:4-9). Today’s church needs to uphold the permanency of marriage and help couples in conflict move toward reconciliation. At the same time, the church, as a reconciling and forgiving community, offers healing and new beginnings. The church is to bring strength and healing to individuals and families.

I am with Jim here. I was Mennonite Brethren and MCUSA. We allowed divorce and remarriage in both.

This is a sensitive subject in Mennoland. It has been hashed out here and no one really changed. Conservative Mennonites do not allow for remarriage. MCUSA does. I can accept someone remarrying if they have worked to close the previous relationship.

[temporal1]

i’d like to add 1 thing.

When new to MD, i knew nothing of the CM view of marriage, divorce, remarriage.
There happened to be a lively and painful discussion at that time. An eye-opener for me.
i really appreciated the sincere discussion on both sides, on all sides. It’s more than simple 2 choices.

WIDESPREAD IGNORANCE of any Biblical view is now the common way.
No one can make decisions in ignorance. That’s not knowing and deciding, at all. It’s not an informed decision.

My dream is for the Bible to be commonly known. PREVENTION is ‘way better than mitigation of damages.

So many people are wandering around in misery - due to IGNORANCE. Not just wrt M-D-R, but sin, in general.
SIN causes pain. It’s only fair for this to be known BEFORE, rather than after.

How to achieve this, i don’t know.

i’m encouraged by 1) the warm world reception Pope Leo received, and, 2) what i’ve learned of Charlie Kirk taking his faith to discuss on college campuses.

Young people want to learn in balance. They deserve informed choices.

[JohnH]

In Anabaptist circles divorce is a religious process. My church has a process to follow and permission is rarely granted. Basically requires cruelty / abuse of the children thus necessitating a legal divorce, or else adultery which we believe breaks the marriage bond.

In your church is there an actual religious ceremony of some sort for divorce like the talaq thalatha in Islam, where a husband says "I divorce you" (or the Arabic word talaq) three times at once to instantly and irrevocably end the marriage? Or like the Catholic process for obtaining an annulment where there is a diocesan tribunal that grants or denies the annulment?

Or do you just have a process where you either grant or deny permission for church members to go ahead and file for a civil divorce in civil court?

Our church views itself as the highest authority regarding marriage and divorce for church members. If someone attempts to be married or divorced outside of church, that’s viewed as a breach of one’s promises as part of being a member, and places them outside of church fellowship.

Divorce is a very sad thing but when necessary is approved by a congregation and the congregation’s leadership. An example is a husband repeatedly taking out debts in his wife’s name, leaving her impoverished and unable to repay them. Another example is having affairs.

[R7ehr]

Divorce is a very sad thing but when necessary is approved by a congregation and the congregation’s leadership. An example is a husband repeatedly taking out debts in his wife’s name, leaving her impoverished and unable to repay them. Another example is having affairs.

Question. The husband who repeatedly took out debts in his wife’s name - did he also commit adultery besides the financial fraud? Or does financial fraud alone qualify for divorce in your church?

[justme]

Divorce is a very sad thing but when necessary is approved by a congregation and the congregation’s leadership. An example is a husband repeatedly taking out debts in his wife’s name, leaving her impoverished and unable to repay them. Another example is having affairs.

Question. The husband who repeatedly took out debts in his wife’s name - did he also commit adultery besides the financial fraud? Or does financial fraud alone qualify for divorce in your church?

This may shed some light on the question. At least it did for me.

In my group divorces initiated by a member aren’t permitted unless extraordinary circumstances prevail and it is approved by church leadership (and probably the local congregation as well), and this would also be taken by the leadership to leaders in other congregations or perhaps even the entire leadership council.

An example was a young woman whose husband decided to abuse steroids, patronise tanning salons and gymnasiums. and live a homosexual / transsexual lifestyle; she ended up working for her dad’s business because the husband was not earning any income for the home. Due to some states being “community property” states, he was racking up debts including tax problems that she was liable for. Eventually her dad and family got tired of bailing out his financial problems since he continued to live in sin, refused to work, and continued to rack up debts. So a legal divorce was permitted.

Eventually her dad and family got tired of bailing out his financial problems since he continued to live in sin, refused to work, and continued to rack up debts. So a legal divorce was permitted.

so the divorce was because of financial reasons that impacted another male member of the family
interesting. divorce is permitted for financial reasons, but not for abuse of the female.

[JayP]

I am speechless. I cannot conceive of a church taking any “action” over a legal divorce.
I see no indication anywhere in the Bible that a societal legal divorce offends God.
I see remarriage as offending God.

While I would agree we would hope divorce is not needed, it speaks to the reality that marriage in both a legal (civil) thing and also but separately a (for many) religious thing. To break the marriage LEAGL obligations in a case where abuse and or financial separation is needed. To protect (usually) a wife or children seems quite appropriate.

I realize my views are biased by my Catholic pov, but that was my experience in Eastern as well.

Again, I will say that while I agree with the conservative anabaptist povs on the topic in theory, I absolutely believe they are applied unevenly to men and women.

To reuse an example I have referred to before, I know a case of a marriage where the husband left the wife and eight children to carry on with a worldly woman. The church (this man’s father is in the ministry) encouraged the wife needed to let the husband see the children and pray to “win him back”. If the roles were reversed I absolutely would think their view would reverse.

In 20 years when he is old and alone, and he wants to come crawling back they will make her take him.
Again, if it was reversed you would see a difference in attitude.