Differences in Communication Styles

[Bootstrap]

How do you expect me to change my behavior if refuse to point to where it is occurring?

I think it’s happening right here in this exchange. My suggestion is simply to let it go. The two kinds of behavior I’ve asked you to consider are:

1. Avoid wording that makes it about the person instead of the topic, particularly when it is negative (stance markers, loaded language).
2. When things start going south, choose to let it go rather than doubling down.

I’m working to do this in my own posts, and I was trying to share some things I have found helpful. If you reread what you just wrote through the lens of #1 and #2, you may find something useful. If not, I don’t see much point in continuing the discussion.

You say you don't want to keep circling around the point - then why the evasion?

Because I don’t think I’ll ever convince you, and that’s fine. At most, this is a small misunderstanding between two people who have never met. It’s just not worth the effort, and it isn’t bearing good fruit.

Here’s what I’d really like: to discuss the topic itself. When a conversation starts to turn negative or personal, I’d like to be able to drop it so we can move on. We don’t need to fix the blame in order to fix the problem. If we can let things go when they start going south, there’s a lot less blame and bad feeling to work through.

For instance, in the Sabbath thread, what exactly were you trying to say about the topic?

[Bootstrap]

I think the place to start is to not accuse people of misconduct unless we are willing to display the proofs.

I don’t think I was accusing you of misconduct. What I meant was more along the lines of saying, “ouch, that didn’t feel good, I’m not sure how it connects to what I actually said, and it’s making it hard to discuss the main topic.” I was trying to find some way of getting out of that cycle.

For me, that’s less about proving anything and more about naming what gets in the way of a constructive conversation. I’d really like us to stay focused on the substance of the discussion, and I’m hoping we can move forward in that spirit.

[ken_sylvania]

For instance, in the Sabbath thread, what exactly were you trying to say about the topic?

I'll respond in that thread.
viewtopic.php?p=283225#p283225

[ken_sylvania]

How do you expect me to change my behavior if refuse to point to where it is occurring?

I think it’s happening right here in this exchange. My suggestion is simply to let it go. The two kinds of behavior I’ve asked you to consider are:

1. Avoid wording that makes it about the person instead of the topic, particularly when it is negative (stance markers, loaded language).
2. When things start going south, choose to let it go rather than doubling down.

I’m working to do this in my own posts, and I was trying to share some things I have found helpful. If you reread what you just wrote through the lens of #1 and #2, you may find something useful. If not, I don’t see much point in continuing the discussion.

You say you don't want to keep circling around the point - then why the evasion?

Because I don’t think I’ll ever convince you, and that’s fine. At most, this is a small misunderstanding between two people who have never met. It’s just not worth the effort, and it isn’t bearing good fruit.

Here’s what I’d really like: to discuss the topic itself. When a conversation starts to turn negative or personal, I’d like to be able to drop it so we can move on. We don’t need to fix the blame in order to fix the problem. If we can let things go when they start going south, there’s a lot less blame and bad feeling to work through.

For instance, in the Sabbath thread, what exactly were you trying to say about the topic?

Of course you want me to just let it go. Because you apparently can't actually point to where I twisted your posts. Even though you apparently still think I did so.
Maybe you won't be able to convince me, but then again, maybe if you point out where you think it happened I can explain what I was trying to say. Just like when you pointed out how my first post in that thread landed on your ears - I hope my further explanation helped make my intent clear. What is certainly not helpful is to use loaded language like "with your spin on it" and then duck for cover and expect the other person to just let it go. Especially when you are the person complaining about the tone of posts in the thread.