Autism

[Ken]

An autism diagnosis should be made by a medical professional... not somebody's boss.

Agreed. I’m just saying it was not my nieces idea- as said above a teacher can pick up on it, as did someone else in my nieces case. She may have been to doctor, I’m not sure yet.

I work with 3 people who are obviously high functioning but all 3 have specific things that they deal with from it.

Right. Teachers don't do diagnosis, but we do work with kids daily in a learning environment and sometimes notice signs that have flown under the radar.

Exactly. I have had kids in my class who I referred up the chain for possible testing and diagnosis. I have also had kids who seem over-diagnosed. Maybe they got a diagnosis of ADHD when they were in 2nd grade and now in 10th grade it is still following them complete with a 504 plan and various accommodations that they no longer need if they ever did.

A lot of it has to do with class. Poor kids often fall through the cracks. And some wealthy helicopter parents obsessively seek every angle or perceived advantage for their child even when it isn't merited.

[Szdfan]

Agreed. I’m just saying it was not my nieces idea- as said above a teacher can pick up on it, as did someone else in my nieces case. She may have been to doctor, I’m not sure yet.

I work with 3 people who are obviously high functioning but all 3 have specific things that they deal with from it.

Right. Teachers don't do diagnosis, but we do work with kids daily in a learning environment and sometimes notice signs that have flown under the radar.

I get very suspicious when someone says “My kid’s teacher said he’s ADHD or autistic”.

Because we know a professional teacher wouldn’t say/do that.

I notice that when someone shares a personal experience that doesn’t fit your framework, your first move is to dismiss it. It's a consistent pattern. I’m wondering what’s driving that.

Again, teachers don't make medical diagnoses. Supports like IEPs and 504s depend on a medical diagnosis, not observations from teachers. But it is part of our job to communicate with parents any concerns that we might have. So a conversation between a teacher and a parent over the possibility that a student might need an evaluation for autism or ADHD is completely appropriate and professional. It's up to the parent to take the child to a doctor for diagnosis.

[JohnH]

Right. Teachers don't do diagnosis, but we do work with kids daily in a learning environment and sometimes notice signs that have flown under the radar.

I get very suspicious when someone says “My kid’s teacher said he’s ADHD or autistic”.

Because we know a professional teacher wouldn’t say/do that.

I notice that when someone shares a personal experience that doesn’t fit your framework, your first move is to dismiss it. It's a consistent pattern. I’m wondering what’s driving that.

Again, teachers don't make medical diagnoses. Supports like IEPs and 504s depend on a medical diagnosis, not observations from teachers. But it is part of our job to communicate with parents any concerns that we might have. So a conversation between a teacher and a parent over the possibility that a student might need an evaluation for autism or ADHD is completely appropriate and professional. It's up to the parent to take the child to a doctor for diagnosis.

It’s even more inappropriate for a boss to “diagnose” someone with autism. But yes, a teacher may (privately) discuss with a parent or parents arranging to get an evaluation for a possible diagnosis and additional supportive services, or in the case of ADHD/ADD arrange for treatment.

A boss or colleague really shouldn’t be doing much other than offers to supportively help someone get appropriate medical treatment. A larger employer may offer something such as an EAP which could help in a crisis.

As far as choosing to understand people are all different and being careful with our expectations to be “typical” - that’s fine, but it shouldn’t take someone having an autism diagnosis to make us treat them with understanding and respect.

[Szdfan]

Again, I appreciate the spirit in which Valerie approaches this question. Autism is complex, and there's a lot we still don't know about it. Part of its complexity is that there are lots of different ways autism gets expressed or impacts people.

I'm concerned that the politicization of autism means further stigmatization. When it's framed as a failure, the people who need the most support often fall through the cracks. So I really appreciate Valerie's curiosity as she tries to understand how to relate better to someone she loves. It's the kind of humility and care I'd love to see more often.

[Soloist]

Again, I appreciate the spirit in which Valerie approaches this question. Autism is complex, and there's a lot we still don't know about it. Part of its complexity is that there are lots of different ways autism gets expressed or impacts people.

I'm concerned that the politicization of autism means further stigmatization. When it's framed as a failure, the people who need the most support often fall through the cracks. So I really appreciate Valerie's curiosity as she tries to understand how to relate better to someone she loves. It's the kind of humility and care I'd love to see more often.

Wife: I agree with this. I personally liked it better when autism/Asperger‘s/ADHD etc. were not all on the same spectrum, but it is such a loaded diagnosis. I had family basically telling my husband that I was paranoid because I was worried about my son being autistic around age 2 (pediatrician had been worried for a little while), got a lot of feeling that it was just bad parenting and a lot of pressure at first not to get him diagnosed, because then it might mean he wouldn’t be able to carry a gun as an adult or something.
ironically later, when it was very obvious he was autistic, I had one of those same family members think it had to do with his reaction to a tetanus shot he got at almost 4 years old (it was his second shot ever, and he still remembered the vaccine he got a few months previous and grabbed at it and bent the needle in his leg. A day or two later, he was dragging his leg after a long car ride and we briefly were freaked out about Gullian Barr until we remembered that incident.)
I often get people asking about his vaccination status. I introduced him once to an elderly lady at one of the churches in Oregon, while he was running around like a maniac flapping his hands, and I told her he was autistic. She said “Back in their day, they just called it poor parenting.” She apologized later, but it makes me a lot more willing to give people the benefit of the doubt because of my experience. I was so relieved to have normal children after he was born because I felt so insecure about my parenting. I feel like if I hadn’t had all the pushback at the beginning, he would’ve gotten a lot more early intervention.

[Valerie]

In my nieces case if I remember right it was her boss or coworker that suggested she may be. To those in our family who now know & discuss it explains so much going back to her early toddler years that perplexed us. So hearing this has really helped us! She would be considered the high functioning, was probably not obvious to teachers as she even got a scholarship to a great university but dropped out early on & left the country.

I just want to better understand as I want to have a better relationship. We are polar opposites in politics, Scripture interpretation, and many things actually but I love her & want to have a better understanding.

I love this -- the genuine desire to understand some who is different than you because you care about them. Good job! Keep going!

Thank you, with the Lords help!

[barnhart]

Soloist wife, I feel pain just listening to your story, people can be so cruel. Thank you for sharing, it helps me by raising awareness of the perspective of parents in your situation.

[Valerie]

Soloist wife, I feel pain just listening to your story, people can be so cruel. Thank you for sharing, it helps me by raising awareness of the perspective of parents in your situation.

I kept trying to post a lengthy thank you and I keep getting logged out again when trying to submit so for now will say you mirror my thoughts.

[Soloist]

Wife: I do want to clarify that the one family member has memory issues, and the Lady from church had the habit of saying some really awkward stuff to people, as I found out with my sister-in-law. She was very sweet otherwise though, and I remember her fondly other than that.

I just have noticed with other people’s autistic children as well that people want to pin down a reason/cause for it, like vaccines, poor choices during pregnancy or poor parenting. Maybe sometimes those reasons are true, but it’s not really our business and if we wouldn’t want to be judged the same way in whatever medical journey we are on, we shouldn’t do it to others.

[Ken]

I just have noticed with other people’s autistic children as well that people want to pin down a reason/cause for it, like vaccines, poor choices during pregnancy or poor parenting. Maybe sometimes those reasons are true, but it’s not really our business and if we wouldn’t want to be judged the same way in whatever medical journey we are on, we shouldn’t do it to others.

Almost certainly they are NOT true. Or more precisely, we have no legitimate scientific evidence to believe they are true. Especially the vaccine nonsense which has been entirely discredited and was always fraudulent from the beginning.

We do know there is a genetic component and that it tends to run in families. It is also associated with premature birth and older parents. So to the extent that parents do things to increase the chance of premature birth, or choose to have children at an older age you might say those are parental choices that statistically increase the chance of autism. Likewise, early childhood abuse and trauma is associated with increased risk of autism. But that is also tough to pin down because the symptoms of PTSD associated with childhood abuse can mirror autism and vice versa.

But people who seek to diagnose causality or blame in other people's children are really vile in my opinion. Maybe choose to be supportive instead.