Self-Control

[forsoothsayer]

I would rather not show unrestrained emotions in public, not because I am male--thankfully that norm is outdated--but because it may be seen as a sign of weakness. If our emotions go out of control, they may fully remove our use of reason, which tend not to produce the righteousness that God desires: "Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: for the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God" (James 1:19-20).

However, context matters. For example, hysterically crying at a funeral may reflect mourning, but in a public setting, it could indicate weakness. "A time to weep, And a time to laugh; A time to mourn, And a time to dance" (Ecclesiastes 3:4).

[Bootstrap]

Are there emotions that would be appropriate to show in public? Pride in your grandchildren? Love for your wife? Gratitude for God's blessings?

Why do you equate showing emotion with lack of self control?

Didn't Jesus show a lot of emotion in public? Didn't Paul express emotion in his letters?

[forsoothsayer]

Are there emotions that would be appropriate to show in public? Pride in your grandchildren? Love for your wife? Gratitude for God's blessings?

Why do you equate showing emotion with lack of self control?

Didn't Jesus show a lot of emotion in public? Didn't Paul express emotion in his letters?

Yes, pride in your grandchildren, love for your wife, and gratitude for God's blessings are appropriate to show in public. Also, I did not equate showing emotion with lack of self-control; I equated hysteria, by definition, with a lack of self-control.

[Bootstrap]

Are there emotions that would be appropriate to show in public? Pride in your grandchildren? Love for your wife? Gratitude for God's blessings?

Why do you equate showing emotion with lack of self control?

Didn't Jesus show a lot of emotion in public? Didn't Paul express emotion in his letters?

Yes, pride in your grandchildren, love for your wife, and gratitude for God's blessings are appropriate to show in public. Also, I did not equate showing emotion with lack of self-control; I equated hysteria, by definition, with a lack of self-control.

I agree. And this is good:

However, context matters. For example, hysterically crying at a funeral may reflect mourning, but in a public setting, it could indicate weakness. "A time to weep, And a time to laugh; A time to mourn, And a time to dance" (Ecclesiastes 3:4).

I'm wondering how to flesh that out. How do I know what is appropriate and what is not? I assume you can't go overboard with the emotions associated with the fruit of the Spirit, but you have to be exceedingly careful with emotions bordering on the fruit of the flesh? Joy is less dangerous than anger, for instance?

[forsoothsayer]

I'm wondering how to flesh that out. How do I know what is appropriate and what is not? I assume you can't go overboard with the emotions associated with the fruit of the Spirit, but you have to be exceedingly careful with emotions bordering on the fruit of the flesh? Joy is less dangerous than anger, for instance?

Exactly!

[Neto]

I have always been a rather "emotionally expressive" person, but I used to resist all show of emotion if I could. Largely due perhaps, to some very rough times, I am now more apt to experience "compassion" in a way that results in tears. But I do not fight it any more, and I think I'm in a better state of mind now than when I was ashamed to shed tears. Some of my friends probably think "I have issues", and one somewhat former friend openly said so (although to someone else - it was just repeated to me later).

Quite a few years ago a Christian counselor made a statement that has helped me be more at ease when empathy strikes. He said "Everyone is broken in some way or another, and to some degree." I also would say that my close friendships are deeper now than they were before, probably mostly because I' more 'real' now than I was.

"Neto's got issues." But I am not embarrassed to acknowledge that, and have given them to my Savior.

[Bootstrap]

I was very uncomfortable with showing emotion too ... though I did. I'm not good at hiding what I am thinking or feeling.

Then I learned what the Bible means by "the heart", in both Greek and Hebrew. It includes both the logical, rational mind and emotion, and all other inner thoughts and deliberations. If you "Love the Lord your God with all your heart", "harden your heart", "purify your heart", "set your heart oh things above", "believe with your heart", "turn your heart towards ... or away", or have your heart "enlightened", the emotional part of your heart is involved.

[forsoothsayer]

I have always been a rather "emotionally expressive" person, but I used to resist all show of emotion if I could.

I was very uncomfortable with showing emotion too ... though I did. I'm not good at hiding what I am thinking or feeling.

I am very uncomfortable with crying, especially in public, and I have tried to resist my tears if I could. Also, I read online that diverting your focus can prevent the onset of tears, which sounds like a better idea than holding them back--might try it out.

[Neto]

I have always been a rather "emotionally expressive" person, but I used to resist all show of emotion if I could.

I was very uncomfortable with showing emotion too ... though I did. I'm not good at hiding what I am thinking or feeling.

I am very uncomfortable with crying, especially in public, and I have tried to resist my tears if I could. Also, I read online that diverting your focus can prevent the onset of tears, which sounds like a better idea than holding them back--might try it out.

I'm at peace with it. The only part about it that I do not like is when I get so choked up I cannot speak.

[Szdfan]

How much of this reluctance to show emotion is cultural? I come from a long line of stoic German farmers and showing emotion isn't really their thing. Other cultures are much more free to express their emotions publicly.