Divorce and membership questions

[Josh]

I would be curious if there are any groups that distinguish between different reasons for divorce and accept some reasons but not others.

Also whether there is a distinction between already being divorced versus seeking a divorce after one is already a member.

There are definitely groups that support a person physically separating from their spouse in certain cases such as abuse. I’m not sure if there are any that would support actually filing for divorce in those cases. I’m pretty sure no conservative Anabaptist church would permit divorce in any case at all. Unless maybe if there was a case where it was learned that the marriage of a member or prospective member was not according to biblical teaching, in which case they might permit or even advocate legal separation or divorce since the marriage is not permissible.

In my group divorces initiated by a member aren’t permitted unless extraordinary circumstances prevail and it is approved by church leadership (and probably the local congregation as well), and this would also be taken by the leadership to leaders in other congregations or perhaps even the entire leadership council.

An example was a young woman whose husband decided to abuse steroids, patronise tanning salons and gymnasiums. and live a homosexual / transsexual lifestyle; she ended up working for her dad’s business because the husband was not earning any income for the home. Due to some states being “community property” states, he was racking up debts including tax problems that she was liable for. Eventually her dad and family got tired of bailing out his financial problems since he continued to live in sin, refused to work, and continued to rack up debts. So a legal divorce was permitted.

The state ended up choosing to annul the marriage as the family court judge decided legal grounds for that existed. Many viewed this as an answer to prayer.

That young man’s lifestyle eventually cost him his life, due to a terminal illness it gave him, but the good news is he was reconciled with the church before he died. His illness was actually in remission, and after he was restored to a relationship with Jesus and the church it came back with a vengeance. The wife and him were able to express forgiveness for one another.

These kind of situations are not good. A family feud exists between the two extended families to this day.

[steve-in-kville]

1. Can a divorced person join a fellowship? Never heard of anyone being turned down

2. If a divorced person can join, what about a history of two or more divorces? People will only know what you tell them

3. If divorce is an obstacle to membership, is there an auxiliary status allowed? We have "associate member" status, but its meant for something else.

[mike]

I would be curious if there are any groups that distinguish between different reasons for divorce and accept some reasons but not others.

Also whether there is a distinction between already being divorced versus seeking a divorce after one is already a member.

There are definitely groups that support a person physically separating from their spouse in certain cases such as abuse. I’m not sure if there are any that would support actually filing for divorce in those cases. I’m pretty sure no conservative Anabaptist church would permit divorce in any case at all. Unless maybe if there was a case where it was learned that the marriage of a member or prospective member was not according to biblical teaching, in which case they might permit or even advocate legal separation or divorce since the marriage is not permissible.

Divorces can be adversarial and often are. What would a conservative church do when one spouse packs up and leaves and files for divorce and the other wants to stay? Assume no abuse or prima facia religious grounds for divorce. One spouse just wants out and to be gone from the church and files for an adversarial divorce?

That's out of the control of the spouse who who would have wanted to stay in the marriage. No conservative church I know of would look hard on such a person for being divorced when they didn't initiate it.

In my group divorces initiated by a member aren’t permitted unless extraordinary circumstances prevail and it is approved by church leadership (and probably the local congregation as well), and this would also be taken by the leadership to leaders in other congregations or perhaps even the entire leadership council.

In a situation like this, I could see a conservative church not only supporting physical separation for the safety of the spouse but also some kind of legal separation again to protect the well-being of the spouse and family. But even in this case the understanding would be that the separation would not dissolve the marriage bond in the Lord's eyes, and the hope would be for the possibility of eventual reconciliation.

[nett]

I would be curious if there are any groups that distinguish between different reasons for divorce and accept some reasons but not others.

Also whether there is a distinction between already being divorced versus seeking a divorce after one is already a member.

There are definitely groups that support a person physically separating from their spouse in certain cases such as abuse. I’m not sure if there are any that would support actually filing for divorce in those cases. I’m pretty sure no conservative Anabaptist church would permit divorce in any case at all. Unless maybe if there was a case where it was learned that the marriage of a member or prospective member was not according to biblical teaching, in which case they might permit or even advocate legal separation or divorce since the marriage is not permissible.

Divorces can be adversarial and often are. What would a conservative church do when one spouse packs up and leaves and files for divorce and the other wants to stay? Assume no abuse or prima facia religious grounds for divorce. One spouse just wants out and to be gone from the church and files for an adversarial divorce?

In statistical terms, this doesn't happen in Conservative circles.

[mike]

There are definitely groups that support a person physically separating from their spouse in certain cases such as abuse. I’m not sure if there are any that would support actually filing for divorce in those cases. I’m pretty sure no conservative Anabaptist church would permit divorce in any case at all. Unless maybe if there was a case where it was learned that the marriage of a member or prospective member was not according to biblical teaching, in which case they might permit or even advocate legal separation or divorce since the marriage is not permissible.

Divorces can be adversarial and often are. What would a conservative church do when one spouse packs up and leaves and files for divorce and the other wants to stay? Assume no abuse or prima facia religious grounds for divorce. One spouse just wants out and to be gone from the church and files for an adversarial divorce?

In statistical terms, this doesn't happen in Conservative circles.

I know of one. The man's wife left him and divorced him in his younger years, and he has lived single ever since. Nobody looks down on him for being divorced, and he has a fruitful life and ministry.

[barnhart]

Divorces can be adversarial and often are. What would a conservative church do when one spouse packs up and leaves and files for divorce and the other wants to stay? Assume no abuse or prima facia religious grounds for divorce. One spouse just wants out and to be gone from the church and files for an adversarial divorce?

In statistical terms, this doesn't happen in Conservative circles.

I know of one. The man's wife left him and divorced him in his younger years, and he has lived single ever since. Nobody looks down on him for being divorced, and he has a fruitful life and ministry.

I know a similar case.

[Soloist]

Divorces can be adversarial and often are. What would a conservative church do when one spouse packs up and leaves and files for divorce and the other wants to stay? Assume no abuse or prima facia religious grounds for divorce. One spouse just wants out and to be gone from the church and files for an adversarial divorce?

In statistical terms, this doesn't happen in Conservative circles.

I know of one. The man's wife left him and divorced him in his younger years, and he has lived single ever since. Nobody looks down on him for being divorced, and he has a fruitful life and ministry.

I know of 2, the first man is dead now, his wife left him when they were young and he remained single ever since. The second was more complex involving bipolar but the woman left too.

[justme]

Eventually her dad and family got tired of bailing out his financial problems since he continued to live in sin, refused to work, and continued to rack up debts. So a legal divorce was permitted.

so the divorce was because of financial reasons that impacted another male member of the family
interesting. divorce is permitted for financial reasons, but not for abuse of the female.

[Sudsy]

Granted I do understand that there are different degrees of orthodoxy between the various Anabaptist fellowships. I am interested in all Anabaptist fellowships regarding how they view divorce and membership, hence some questions:

1. Can a divorced person join a fellowship?
2. If a divorced person can join, what about a history of two or more divorces?
3. If divorce is an obstacle to membership, is there an auxiliary status allowed?

In the Anabaptist church I attended -

1. Yes
2. Previous divorces have ended those marriages
3. Divorces not an obstacle to formal church membership

[Ernie]

Eventually her dad and family got tired of bailing out his financial problems since he continued to live in sin, refused to work, and continued to rack up debts. So a legal divorce was permitted.

so the divorce was because of financial reasons that impacted another male member of the family
interesting. divorce is permitted for financial reasons, but not for abuse of the female.

I'm not aware that this is permitted in any place other than hurch of God in Christ Mennonite (Holdeman),

The Plain churches that I am familiar with would not allow a member to initiate or accept a divorce. (unless they were in an unbiblical marriage as Mike suggests.)

If I am not mistaken, in most Plain Anabaptist churches, a member of the church could initiate some sort of legal separation or restraining order in cases of harrassment or abuse and this would not jeaporidize their membership in the church, as long as they were not acting in a retaliatory way, being unforgiving, etc.

It would not jeaporidize their membership but it does sometimes create a lot of stress in the church with various people taking sides on whether or not the separation is necessary and whether or not the offending party has truly repented of his/her sins. ...I got dragged through the mud and accused of all sorts of things by some zealots in the church some years ago, while trying to counsel a couple who had separated. I never hope to go through it again. My bishop told me that no matter how I handled the situation, there would be people who would find fault with what I was doing. He was trying to encourage me to be faithful to the Lord and do what I could to help, no matter what kind of flack I received. This was not very comforting but it did add more perspective to what I was experiencing.

All states except Delaware, Florida, Georgia, Mississippi, Pennsylvania, and Texas recognize legal documentation of separation.

In those states, protections are offered but they are more complicated and have no "legally separated" status other than divorce.
Site with links for each state.
https://www.hg.org/divorce-legal-separation.html