The Anabaptist perspective towards dating and/or courtship?

[steve-in-kville]

Looking for some lively discussion with a poll mixed in. Open to all registered users.

What term did you use? Does your church have any standards on courtship relationships? How long should courtship last? Should length of courtship depend on the age of the couple?

So many questions.

I personally interchange the two, although I've heard discussions that they are indeed different.

[Soloist]

My wife and I have very conservative views on this whole thing and it seems like most of the Mennonites don't have much teaching or stance that I've heard.

Kissing someone in public, if its a spouse that might be better in private. Dating/courting? unacceptable in my eyes. Save it for marriage. Each step down the intimate lane breeds problems later... Hugging? same view. Hand holding? might sound silly to make a line on that but the Scripture does say "it is good for a man not to touch a woman". I would view the act of almost sitting on each other by cramming close together to be a problem too.

I've always been under the impression that dating is more of a fling or unchaperoned time together while courting is more of a formal intent to explore a marriage intent and has chaperones.

Much of my stance is from my own personal time "dating" and seeing someone who got too involved with their hands before marriage

My child saw someone who hasn't been even been formally engaged, kissing and I feel like that is a problem especially from an authority figure.

There is a conservative perspective from a seeker. Seems like Charity has a little better teaching on the subject, although the one situation I mentioned was Charity.

[Grace]

The method in seeking a marriage partner in Conservative Anabaptist circles has changed over the decades. In my mother's day the only way to get to know someone was to "date" them as there wasn't much interaction between the sexes outside of dating. "Dating" wasn't viewed as an immoral or loose way to get to know another person. That concept was brought into the limelight by Josh Harris in his book "I kissed Dating Good Bye". (We all know how his personal story transpired). The Charity Movement and other Conservative Anabaptist elements bought into that philosophy.

Today we have church youth groups doing activities together where young men and young women can get to know each other outside of"dating". When they enter into "dating' or "courtship", they have a good idea as to the character of the other individual. Either way of seeking a marriage partner, whether it be "dating" or "courtship", works. One is not better than the other.

I agree with the concept that either way "dating" or "courtship", the relationship needs to stay pure with no physical aspects engaged in.

[steve-in-kville]

Lots of good thoughts and comments so far

Public displays of affection (PDA) I think can be poor testimony, especially if its pre-engagement. If the couple is engaged, I can see holding hands in public.

Her sitting on his lap, even after marriage I think is poor taste, but thats me.

[theodoreclaudius]

To the world dating has become almost a euphemism for sex. When I hear Conservatives Mennonites say a couple is "dating" it seems like its used as a euphemism for "courtship". There are drastically different expectations that the people of God have in regards to dating compared to the world. I guess 80 years ago the contrast used to be less stark.

[Grace]

To the world dating has become almost a euphemism for sex. When I hear Conservatives Mennonites say a couple is "dating" it seems like its used as a euphemism for "courtship". There are drastically different expectations that the people of God have in regards to dating compared to the world. I guess 80 years ago the contrast used to be less stark.

So in other words, the world changed the definition of "dating". Even in my teens many times the word "dating" was used when couples had an exclusive special friend they were getting to getting to know better. There was nothing impure or ungodly insinuated with the word "dating".

[Soloist]

So in other words, the world changed the definition of "dating". Even in my teens many times the word "dating" was used when couples had an exclusive special friend they were getting to getting to know better. There was nothing impure or ungodly insinuated with the word "dating".

They've done it with several other words too such as gay.

[theodoreclaudius]

Perfect example: One of my male housemates ( I rent a room in a house) has a young lady who often stays overnight in his room. He strictly refers to her as his "friend" and she is not the only one. dating or girlfriend is not a term or title she is dignified with. If this fella was "dating" (weve spoken about him changing his tune and looking for commitment with someone who is spouse material when he feels inclined to) the intimacy is not going to be much less.
This is generally how many of the unbelieving or "nominally Christian" friends I knew in high school and my early twenties dated in their youth.

Happy veterans day!

[Ken]

The only times I have ever heard the term "courtship" used is in 19th century novels like Pride and Prejudice. Simply in terms of language, "courtship" feels like a one-sided term in which the the male pursues or "courts" the female. Whereas "dating" sounds like a more equal term in which both the boy and girl are equally engaged.

A more interesting question is to what extent are marriages "arranged" in conservative Anabaptist society. Yes I understand we don't see formal arranged marriages as happens in places like India. But to what extent are marriages informally arranged by parents and families subtly directing kids together? Or perhaps orchestrating social events and such so that the right kids get paired off with each other? I have no idea to what extent this sort of thing happens. But I certainly did experience it personally through differing degrees of approval/disapproval of my various girlfriends based on how well they could play the "Mennonite game".

[steve-in-kville]

A more interesting question is to what extent are marriages "arranged" in conservative Anabaptist society. Yes I understand we don't see formal arranged marriages as happens in places like India. But to what extent are marriages informally arranged by parents and families subtly directing kids together? Or perhaps orchestrating social events and such so that the right kids get paired off with each other? I have no idea to what extent this sort of thing happens. But I certainly did experience it personally through differing degrees of approval/disapproval of my various girlfriends based on how well they could play the "Mennonite game".

Yes, this happens. Does it work? Sometimes. My MIL had spouses picked out for all her children and none of it panned out. When they did pair up with someone else, she did what ever she could to break it up. It made for some tense moments, for sure