CAM Molestation Issue

[Soloist]

I am sitting here trying to imagine the psychological issues for a wife in a situation involving a spouse who is a serial pedophile. I could not in good conscience advise her that she must endure intimacy with a man like that.

I would in no way tell her she must. Until he has actually repented and the proof of that... yeah... I would however never advise her to divorce. Separate so she is not joined with his sin, yes.
Maybe semantics, but she is married still.

If I fell into sexual immorality, I think it would be my wife's choice to hold back or not unless I repented and no one should force her in any decision on that. If she choses to take it day by day, and accept a repeated profession of repentance, she can stand clean before God.

[temporal1]

I am sitting here trying to imagine the psychological issues for a wife in a situation involving a spouse who is a serial pedophile.
I could not in good conscience advise her that she must endure intimacy with a man like that.

I am sitting here trying to imagine the psychological issues for a wife in a situation involving a spouse who is a serial pedophile. I could not in good conscience advise her that she must endure intimacy with a man like that.

I would in no way tell her she must. Until he has actually repented and the proof of that... yeah... I would however never advise her to divorce. Separate so she is not joined with his sin, yes.
Maybe semantics, but she is married still.

If I fell into sexual immorality, I think it would be my wife's choice to hold back or not unless I repented and no one should force her in any decision on that. If she choses to take it day by day, and accept a repeated profession of repentance, she can stand clean before God.

i don’t see a conflict with the Book of Hosea and these views. does anyone?

i don’t think it’s semantics. i think it’s important, and clear.

[steve-in-kville]

As far out and bizarre these last few pages of this thread have been, I think we need to be careful that we don't become "armchair quarterbacks" or "supreme managers of the universe" and therefore determine what his wife should or should not do. As I may have said before, and I'll most likely say many more times, we don't belong in their bedroom, and they don't belong in ours.

Nope. But their people are extremely loyal and come off as very right compared to everyone else.

I get that. Their world is very small (trying really really hard not to make any Charity references ) But keep in mind there is a wife that didn't ask for this and children that will grow up with a stigma hanging over their head. I think this is where some compassion would go a long way.

(Sorry... got preachy there... )

[ABC 123]

I get your point, Steve.

However, in the broader discussion, I worry about the type of counsel you can expect from church that fumbled a situation this badly.

There is a lot of pressure to "do the right thing" as presented by us (the church).

[steve-in-kville]

I get your point, Steve.

However, in the broader discussion, I worry about the type of counsel you can expect from church that fumbled a situation this badly.

There is a lot of pressure to "do the right thing" as presented by us (the church).

I totally get that. Your post hit pretty close to home for me with my situation at home... I understand that conservative churches want to handle things like this "in house" but in many situations its simply not balanced and victims get hurt again, in other ways.

Not to take the thread off track, but there was a quote I heard recently:
Broken bones from physical abuse can heal. But a broken mind from emotional abuse never does.

[temporal1]

Regarding the notion of “ideal” relationships .. husband-wife, parents-children, and friends, neighbors, etc. ..
the “ideal” is when equal harmony exists. It’s wonderful.

But “ideal” is only part of any relationship - the duty is to love - when it’s not easy. Lots of references to this in scriptures.
Raising teens is a typical example that most can relate to - teens can be very difficult - parents love them anyway.

Marriage contracts serve to protect marriages+families in good times+bad, through it all. Not confined to Christian marriages.
Over a lifetime, it’s likely there will be big challenges, bringing temptation to exit.

If this were not true, no need for marriage contracts, whether civil or faith based.
Many today choose not to marry for this reason. Why bother? Before birth control pills, the stakes were high. Marriage had more purpose. BC pills cheapen the value of women+children, families, marriage. Certainly abortion does.

Marriage contracts intentionally go beyond “how i feel,” or “what i want.” (“For better and worse, richer, poorer, etc.”)

i know of no marriage contracts that promise, “until one or the other wants out.”
(altho, i don’t doubt a quick google search could produce one.) this is not meant as a challenge.

Bottom line, valid relationships/marriages are NOT based solely on being “ideal” and “balanced.”
It’s very common that at any given time, one is giving far more than the other. Not the ideal. But reality.

The imbalance gives a hint about the extraordinary imbalance in the love Jesus Christ pours out, receiving so little in return.
Selfless, sacrificial love.

- - -

This is not meant to trivialize or minimize the tremendous pain+suffering involved.
Human reasoning would never come up with God’s design. God’s design is beyond. God at center lifts above human reasoning.

i do not judge divorce. it’s not my domain to do so.
i have desire to grasp God’s view of marriage. not any particular church or group or human law. i expect failures and falling short.

however, shouldn’t the effort be to try to grasp God’s view? God’s ideal?
no matter what we do or have done, shouldn’t the effort to understand what the authentic ideal goal should be?

i don’t think the unforgivable sin is falling short. there can be hope to humbly recognize+respect imperfection.
care needs to be taken not to forget what God’s ideals are. and to not fall into normalizing sin. esp not through ignorance.

[temporal1]

I get your point, Steve.
However, in the broader discussion, I worry about the type of counsel you can expect from church that fumbled a situation this badly.
There is a lot of pressure to "do the right thing" as presented by us (the church).

I totally get that. Your post hit pretty close to home for me with my situation at home... I understand that conservative churches want to handle things like this "in house" but in many situations its simply not balanced and victims get hurt again, in other ways.

Steve,
only from what you’ve shared on forum, you seem to have valid reason to hate certain situations/individuals that harmed you/your family. i don’t sense you hate. you recognize errors, you disagree. but you don’t hate, you’re not out to destroy.

to me, this reflects God’s ideal of how to respond to injury. there is no denial. there is no hate.

[ABC 123]

Regarding the notion of “ideal” relationships .. husband-wife, parents-children, and friends, neighbors, etc. ..
the “ideal” is when equal harmony exists. It’s wonderful.

But “ideal” is only part of any relationship - the duty is to love - when it’s not easy. Lots of references to this in scriptures.
Raising teens is a typical example that most can relate to - teens can be very difficult - parents love them anyway.

Marriage contracts serve to protect marriages+families in good times+bad, through it all. Not confined to Christian marriages.
Over a lifetime, it’s likely there will be big challenges, bringing temptation to exit.

If this were not true, no need for marriage contracts, whether civil or faith based.
Many today choose not to marry for this reason. Why bother? Before birth control pills, the stakes were high. Marriage had more purpose. BC pills cheapen the value of women+children, families, marriage. Certainly abortion does.

Marriage contracts intentionally go beyond “how i feel,” or “what i want.” (“For better and worse, richer, poorer, etc.”)

i know of no marriage contracts that promise, “until one or the other wants out.”
(altho, i don’t doubt a quick google search could produce one.) this is not meant as a challenge.

Bottom line, valid relationships/marriages are NOT based solely on being “ideal” and “balanced.”
It’s very common that at any given time, one is giving far more than the other. Not the ideal. But reality.

The imbalance gives a hint about the extraordinary imbalance in the love Jesus Christ pours out, receiving so little in return.
Selfless, sacrificial love.

- - -

This is not meant to trivialize or minimize the tremendous pain+suffering involved.
Human reasoning would never come up with God’s design. God’s design is beyond. God at center lifts above human reasoning.

i do not judge divorce. it’s not my domain to do so.
i have desire to grasp God’s view of marriage. not any particular church or group or human law. i expect failures and falling short.

however, shouldn’t the effort be to try to grasp God’s view? God’s ideal?
no matter what we do or have done, shouldn’t the effort to understand what the authentic ideal goal should be?

i don’t think the unforgivable sin is falling short. there can be hope to humbly recognize+respect imperfection.
care needs to be taken not to forget what God’s ideals are. and to not fall into normalizing sin. esp not through ignorance.

I am not quite at rest with what you are saying.

I think the church in question would totally agree to you to the point that the preservation of the marriage was so paramount that they needed an extra layer to seal it.

This is the same kind of people that literally advised people to fast and pray to figure out why they are such a target for rapists instead of asking who the rapist was.

[temporal1]

I am not quite at rest with what you are saying.

I think the church in question would totally agree to you to the point that the preservation of the marriage was so paramount that they needed an extra layer to seal it.

This is the same kind of people that literally advised people to fast and pray to figure out why they are such a target for rapists instead of asking who the rapist was.

thank you for this. i was afraid my words could be misunderstood. in my understanding of what is described in this thread,
“so paramount” and “extra layer to seal it” go beyond God’s ideal - in which God, Himself, did the separating. He did not force Hosea to live in active intimate marriage with Gomer. God removed Gomer. Hosea remained faithful to God. At marriage and thereafter.

Only after Gomer authentically repented and was authentically healed, did God return her to Hosea.
This is God’s work.

i can understand how some, in their zeal to replicate God, get things terribly wrong.
this is not God’s will. it’s a sorry imitation.

i don’t have answers on how to avoid glaring mistakes, esp not those so well intended.

i do see how God separated the dedicated sinner from her spouse. God healed her, and it wasn’t pretty.
Hosea, miraculously, kept God at center - for better and worse.

eventually, God returned the humbled Gomer. Hosea did not heal her. their church did not heal her.
this was God’s work, as only He can accomplish.

i mean, this is my understanding. i’m not speaking for any church or fellowship.
the gravity of marriage is so very far away from what the western world, and most contemporary churches, teach.
it has become almost a foreign concept.

[ABC 123]

So a guy goes to prison for a couple years then gets out. The natural separation officially ends when he gets out? He goes back home?