Ernie wrote: ↑Thu Feb 01, 2024 6:30 pmWhy would you tell your daughters this sort of thing if dress is not mentioned by Jesus?
And can a church do the same sort of teaching that you and your wife do, or are parents the only ones that are allowed to do this sort of teaching?
There is a lot about growing up and living in a society that doesn't directly relate to something mentioned by Jesus. Dress, diet, exercise, punctuality, being considerate, putting cans in the proper recycling bin, cleaning up your room, understanding distinctions in social settings, and so forth. Not everything you teach your child needs to be accompanied by a Bible verse. But you know that.
Ernie wrote: ↑Thu Feb 01, 2024 6:30 pmKen wrote: ↑Wed Jan 31, 2024 4:44 pmI think we are sending young women the wrong message when we obsess about what they wear and nit-pick their appearance. Especially compared to what is inside.
I agree. And I am not aware of anyone on Mennonet who disagrees with you. In fact, I don't know of any Christians in the world who think we should obsess about what people wear and nit-pick their appearance and disregard what is on this inside. So I am not sure who you are addressing. Who is the audience that you are trying to enlighten?
I'm answering your question not trying to enlighten an audience here. But I'm talking about this sort of thing mentioned here recently:
GoodGirl wrote: ↑Fri Jan 26, 2024 7:14 pmTo not go deep… one of my weirdest memories was having to hold up the fabric I had bought for dresses in front of a small group of people to be approved or disapproved. All the fabric was well within church standards (in fact, some ladies there already had dresses in the exact same fabric). But they wanted to make sure my husband approved of each one.
Once they suggested I have a dress made “inside out” so the teeny tiny flowers would be on the inside, not the outside, which honestly would have looked dumb~ the inside of the fabric was obviously the inside, you know?
When we finally left, I got rid of some dresses, because to use a worldly term, they were ‘triggering’ and I couldn’t wear them.
There was recently a twitter thread started by some conservative Evangelical women about all the negative things they had been told about there dress and appearance in church and it just went on page after page after page of hoor stories about young women facing endless inconsistent criticism about appearance. If you think this sort of thing doesn't happen, including in some Mennonite churches too you are naive.
I'll see if I can find that thread to enlighten you.
Ernie wrote: ↑Thu Feb 01, 2024 6:30 pmKen wrote: ↑Wed Jan 31, 2024 11:45 am3. Nowhere in the Bible to I see rigid conformity of dress taught as any sort of virtue. Not in the Old Testament or New Testament.
Rigid conformity is taught in the Old Testament but you do say that you ignore that. So in light of that, am I understanding correctly that there aren’t any principles that we as Christians should be learning from this Old Testament instruction?
Here's Leviticus 19: 19 “
You shall keep my statutes. You shall not let your cattle breed with a different kind. You shall not sow your field with two kinds of seed, nor shall you wear a garment of cloth made of two kinds of material."
Do YOU follow THAT Old Testament law? If not, why not?
Ernie wrote: ↑Thu Feb 01, 2024 6:30 pmHere are various definitions for which I use the word "modesty"
1. Not wearing costly array
2. Dressing humbly, simply, and without ostentation
3. Covering the body
4. Wearing loose clothing and clothing that helps conceal a person's figure
I am curious if you teach these same values to your daughters, or are some of these neither here nor there to you?
#1 and 2 I addressed. My girls do that without my help. Too much so for my wife's taste at times.
#3 and #4 are not based on any New Testament Biblical teaching. Not even the Amish adhere to those rules. Did you make them up or borrow them from Islam?
Two of my daughters played competitive soccer for many years and dressed in the normal shorts and jerseys as the rest of the team for practice and games.
The third daughter was a competitive swimmer and wore her team swim suits for matches and practice and swim robes when on deck. Like all the other swimmers.
During the summer and at the beach they dress differently than when working in the local grocery store or attending church in January.
No, I don't tell them that they must keep their bodies covered and wear loose clothing that conceals their shape. We don't live in Iran or Saudi Arabia. Even Amish women don't actually do that. In fact there are men out there who find Amish dress provocative. The long skirts and stockings and bonnets, etc. Ultimately men need to be responsible for their own behavior. It isn't the responsibility of young women to avoid provoking every kind of man out there. Which is an utterly impossible task anyway.
Ernie wrote: ↑Thu Feb 01, 2024 6:30 pmWhat is wrong with ripped jeans, leggings, spaghetti tops, etc.? Isn't this nitpicking about clothes?
It is out of dress code for most schools in the country including the one I teach at now. And therefore, not appropriate school wear. Neither are t-shirts with inappropriate messages such as beer ads or logos which is nowhere in the New Testament either. Not every social rule is Biblical. Most of them in fact are not.
Raising children and teaching them is not just about obedience. It is also about teaching them to think for themselves and become increasingly independent. Kids these days navigate an endless array or rules and adults telling them what to do, all day long, every day. At home it is chores, homework, bed times, limits on screen time, who they can associate with, etc. At school it is a rotating cast of teachers and administrators governing their every action inside and outside of class and making decisions for them. At church there is more of the same.
So I expect them to increasingly think for themselves as they grow older in their decisions about dress, friends, books to read for pleasure, how they spend their free time, their hobbies, and interests. And as part of that, I'm happy to let them express themselves as they see fit in their dress. Which has generally never been a problem Deciding what to wear each day is actually one of the few things they do have control over. We only have them for a short period of time before they are launched into the world.
If my wife thinks a particular outfit might be inappropriate for whatever reason she will tell them to change. That rarely ever happened with daughter #1 and never with daughters #2 and #3 unless you count my wife asking them to dress up a bit more for church even though the ratty sweatshirt and baggy jeans one might have had on would have actually met all four of your criteria for modest dress above. And then the conversation might go along the following lines: "why don't you go put on something nicer for church". "Ah mom...what's wrong with what I have on? Do you think God cares?" "Just do what I tell you. We dress nicer for church to show respect for the institution and God. I'm not taking you to church looking like you just rolled out of bed."
And I promise you that my daughter knows exactly what my wife means without her having to cite scripture to make her point.