Spouses hitting each other

[JohnH]

It doesn't seem to me that there is ever a "reason" to hit a spouse. In more radically Christian conservative corners of the internet, and not so long ago in the USA, it was understood that part of male leadership meant *disciplining* one's wife. There are still cultures, and religions, that affirm this.

That's not the topic of discussion here, and I put forth a hypothetical so no reasonable person would have any doubt about the difficulty of the situation. I also was quite careful to say Spouse A and Spouse B, in order to include a hypothetical of a wife who hits her husband for no reason.

If you want to go complain about the thing you said above, perhaps you could start a separate thread to talk about it; I am not aware of any such thing existing in my own Anabaptist circles and I think it is ridiculous to bring it up here.

Man, considering how abrasive your own comments often are, you certainly have a thin skin.

It's not about having a "thin skin" or not, but rather whether that thread was the right place to have a debate about whether or not there is a good reason for one spouse to strike the other.

First of all, I don't know if we could even find anyone here on MN to debate that there ever could be.

Secondly, it's wasn't the point of that thread and was a complete derail.

Thirdly, this is an open forum - someone can open a new thread to talk about these things. In fact, I'll be happy to do so...

So, this thread is a place to discuss:

It doesn't seem to me that there is ever a "reason" to hit a spouse. In more radically Christian conservative corners of the internet, and not so long ago in the USA, it was understood that part of male leadership meant *disciplining* one's wife. There are still cultures, and religions, that affirm this.

[Soloist]

Have you stopped hitting your spouse?

[joshuabgood]

The question was, when should a wife leave her husband? I think any hitting by the husband, with or without a reason, necessitates leaving by the wife. Not sure how that was deemed "off topic?" That is the thought...and it pertinent to the question.

[Soloist]

The question was, when should a wife leave her husband? I think any hitting by the husband, with or without a reason, necessitates leaving by the wife. Not sure how that was deemed "off topic?" That is the thought...and it pertinent to the question.

Okay so reality is that there are reasons a husband and wife hit each other.
The issue is the why.

[joshuabgood]

The question was, when should a wife leave her husband? I think any hitting by the husband, with or without a reason, necessitates leaving by the wife. Not sure how that was deemed "off topic?" That is the thought...and it pertinent to the question.

Okay so reality is that there are reasons a husband and wife hit each other.
The issue is the why.

Any hitting spouses necessitate separation. That is the point. I am not interested in discussing what "said reasons" are.

[Neto]

Moved here from the other topic, while editing was still permitted.

Let’s keep on topic.

It seemed pertinent to the topic to me. The question being, when should a wife leave her husband. I would suggest that any hitting (with or without a "reason") necessitates the wife (or husband) leaving immediately.

I wanted to 'like' this, but I wonder if "hitting" needs to be qualified to some degree. Like would you personally say the seriousness starts if it results in a bruise or just hurts for like perhaps an hour or so afterwards?

(Just to clarify any questions that may come into some minds here, I have NEVER hit my wife in any way, to any degree at all, not even a 'tap', what ever that is.)

I suspect that this low-level hitting falls more into the wife hitting her husband. But I also wonder if it seems less serious because a man, if angry, would generally hit harder than would a woman. Does that make a difference in the recommended response (to leave immediately)?

[Soloist]

The question was, when should a wife leave her husband? I think any hitting by the husband, with or without a reason, necessitates leaving by the wife. Not sure how that was deemed "off topic?" That is the thought...and it pertinent to the question.

Okay so reality is that there are reasons a husband and wife hit each other.
The issue is the why.

Any hitting spouses necessitate separation. That is the point. I am not interested in discussing what "said reasons" are.

So… you have a base belief and you aren’t interested in exceptions. Just a flat any reason is wrong.

So when my wife hit me while we were wrestling I should have left her?
When I hit my wife accidentally she’s supposed to leave me?

[Soloist]

Wife: Now I just feel incredibly guilty. There’s been times that hubby has teased me and then I end up giving him a whack, although never hard (1st year wrestling match aside). I wouldn’t ever do that if he wasn’t ok with it.

I know of somebody who got hit once by their spouse in anger, and told them not to ever do it again or they would leave them. They did not do it again, and that relationship seems reasonable.

Also, sometimes mental decline can cause issues, and they should definitely be addressed, but not with the same harshness. I’m thinking of someone who had a botched surgery who became violent, and they might have had to be in a care home. I also would figure dementia patients or situations like that would require some grace.

Other than that, I don’t think there’s actually an excuse to hit a spouse to hurt them. If it became a pattern, I would think it was not unreasonable to separate until they showed signs of change and repentance. I remember a guy who had a drunk wife who was pulling his beard and stuff, and instead of taking her to the liquor store, he dropped her off at jail. That situation ultimately ended up with a divorce for several reasons, but I also wouldn’t have found it unreasonable for him to see how she was after rehab.

[JohnH]

A question is where the Bible lays out an absolute rule separations are necessary in such cases.

[barnhart]

I don't understand the drive to have rules to cover everything in life. In general, violence seems like a good reason to separate for a time at least but I would be content to let it work out on an individual basis.