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My Wife and I and our family have had the privilege of living among a number of different outlying or outreach communities and church plants, and also a couple of ‘hubs’ of Mennodom.

I don’t consider myself ‘old’ but I’m privileged to have lived long enough so far to watch all my wife’s and my families’ siblings marry and branch out.

Some such families relocate to other communities and other’s stay in the churches and communities in which they grew up.

As I said in the beginning, I’ve been in several different locations. Recently a newly acquired in-law expressed frustration that her spouse’s parents (in-laws & empty-nesters) frequently try to get all their children that bought houses nearby to all get together with all their offspring, cousins, etc.

I consider myself privileged - although my 2 oldest children are the age when I dated and married, all my children are still at home. I would appreciate it and think it would be edifying to hear others post their thoughts and life experiences about their extended families.

I have learned that natural families are not as important or as dear as spiritual families. Blood siblings who serve different masters are nothing as close as spiritual brothers who are serving the same master. You have to accept that reality and not try to pretend otherwise. Being born again, truly means a new family too.

I am the third oldest grandchild on my dad's side, and so I remember those gatherings where all of the families got together. This was the farm in western Oklahoma, where my Dad grew up, and two of his sisters had married into families from the north-central part of California, so getting everyone together was not an easy thing. The old farm house would be really full, too. Bath times could be a real process when there was no bathroom in the house - just a galvanized tub set up in the milk house. My grandpa's extended family were not as close as my grandma's, so the big reunions I remember most are those on her side, all the descendants of my great grandparents in the Rempel family. It's something I miss now, as we live so far from the rest of my own family, and having lived in Brazil during our children's younger years, and spending furloughs in my wife's community, over 900 miles from my home, our children grew up not really knowing my parents, or at least not 'bonding' with them. While I do not resent having served in mission work, it is in some sense something I "inflicted" on my children and my parents.
For now our children are all close by, one married and living reasonably close, and the younger two still at home (youngest is 25). Our children at least, are pretty close to one another, I would say, and I think some of that is due to the 'close fellowship' we had in the small village house where we lived. (A family of 5 in a total living area of basically 16' x. 24'.)
Forming close friendships with non-family members, co-workers on the field, and now fellow congregational members, has always been a slow process for me, and on the field, it seemed that just as I was getting really close to someone, they were transferred to another mission base. Now our congregation is really big, and it's easy to not even be able to talk to your closest friends in the congregation on any given Sunday. And there have been outreach congregations formed, and sometimes a close friend will leave the main congregation. Some leave for other reasons, not liking the direction the congregation is going, etc. Recently I went through a period of more or less depression, having realized that someone I felt very close to didn't necessarily feel that same closeness to me. So this has started a process of looking at the question of how good of a friend I am to others, rather than focusing on whether I feel I have really close friends myself.

Reading both comments remind me of Jesus’ words,

Verily I say unto you, There is no man that hath left house, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my sake, and the gospel's, But he shall receive an hundredfold now in this time, houses, and brethren, and sisters, and mothers, and children, and lands, with persecutions; and in the world to come eternal life. But many that are first shall be last; and the last first.

-Mark 10:29-31

But the small clause ‘with persecutions’ suggests we’ll be misunderstood for putting God’s family and cause over flesh and blood?
(Earlier verses in the same chapter touch on divorce, child rearing and earthly riches)

DrWojo wrote: I consider myself privileged - although my 2 oldest children are the age when I dated and married, all my children are still at home. I would appreciate it and think it would be edifying to hear others post their thoughts and life experiences about their extended families.

I was married young at 19, which is a story for another day. I have 4 children that could start dating at anytime, so I can relate to this!

My wife came from a very large family. I came from a very small family. My wife and I chose to have a large family of our own, which I've been criticized for different times, but we have no regrets and love our children.

I'm the designated black sheep in my wife's family due to my upbringing and because I think for myself and I'm not afraid to tell someone to shimmy up a cactus. So we don't do a lot of family gatherings and I'm okay with that. My wife has family all over the US and a few times abroad. But they're not close, or as people would say, we're not a hugging family. The last time they were all together was Christmas of 2015.

I have four cousins on dad's side and two on mom's side. I haven't see dad's side in almost 20 years. Mom's side I may see maybe once a year at Easter. Again, I'm okay with that.

I would agree that a spiritual family is way more important than blood relatives. I really appreciate my current church because they are quite diverse in not only application (*cough* liberal *cough*) but they are diverse in many other ways as well. There is almost no "judgy" attitudes.

I could go on, but that's enough for now.

We still do family gatherings for the sake of reunions. Every year we pick a day to celebrate everyone's birthday all at once and in person. It becomes a sort of family reunion. The gifts are usually inexpensive and useful items like wrenches, etc. One year my wife told everyone she only wanted socks. She received 47 pairs of socks that year, enough to last for at least 5 years. That request started a trend in the family: letting everyone know what they needed most and while not everyone will give those items, it still ends up being very practical and useful.

We cherish the face to face contact and even the in-laws like it because it is only once a year after all and it saves on trying to get cards to everyone for their "real" birthdate. The family spreads farther apart each year as job related moves happen so this time is precious.