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Anger is a strange thing.
i just saw these thought-provoking memes.

Anger is often denied, misunderstood, mislabeled, misused. Given too much power.
We experience anger. Often, we have no idea what it’s really about or what to do with it.

Some anger can result in positive outcomes.
A lot of anger is destructive, does not ever seem to result in anything constructive.
Both are represented in scriptures.



.. isn’t it sad, tho, to think that one person you know who is so caustic+angry,
is really in deep pain and grief? .. i believe this is often the case.





It’s possible to harbor much anger with no self-awareness of it.
i suppose that’s denial.

Lately I have had anger & I'm even angrier that I have it. The Bible says " be angry & sin not". Looking at the diagram I can recognize a couple, perhaps a few of things below the surface that could be contributing.

My approach in the last several decades is to let the Scriptures form my perspective, & be a mirror- yet lately anger keeps rising above the surface- addressing the underlying causes takes facing those and giving them over to God through prayer, His Word, & perhaps seeking a Godly counselor to walk through the issues. Thanks for sharing-

God alone knows us completely, and can transform us into the image of His Son.
Psalm 139:23-24
Search me, O God, and know my heart:
try me, and know my thoughts:
And see if there be any wicked way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

EJM wrote:God alone knows us completely, and can transform us into the image of His Son.
Psalm 139:23-24
Search me, O God, and know my heart:
try me, and know my thoughts:
And see if there be any wicked way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

Yes, how many times have I prayed this? It is a great prayer

Looking at the anger iceberg there. Those things under the water, what makes one person more effected by them then other people, and how does one take steps to overcome anger?

RZehr wrote:Looking at the anger iceberg there. Those things under the water, what makes one person more effected by them then other people, and how does one take steps to overcome anger?

What say you? Every person is different, they're upbringing, circumstances, trials, tribs, strengths, weaknesses. If we go all the way back to Cain & Abel- you ask "how could they have been so different?".

For myself, the diagram temp shared was beneficial- I'm 60 and only recently felt an actual " anger issues" to the point I took a step, & sought Christian counseling. A Christian can have a hard time admitting & facing any negative emotions-

Seeing the diagram, I thought of a couple people I have known who have or had obvious anger in general, & seeing the underlying emotions in the diagram, its easy to identify which of those emotions contributed to them becoming angry- it makes you realize the person may need some real healing. Then there are those who just seem like spoiled hotheads and there is a difference- sometimes we see little children ( i work in a store) that appear to be controlling their parents already, & the parents are creating future adults who will have anger when life doesn't go "their way" at every turn.

So how do you identify & help someone you see has anger when their are underlying causes- we can write them off as hot tempered, or maybe be used of God to help lead them to healing?

Thinking more on anger, i began to wonder about how CONTEMPT factors in?
It’s not included in the above iceberg.
i found these:

Psychology Today / “How Contempt Destroys Relationships”
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog ... ationships

.. Robert C. Solomon places contempt on the same continuum as resentment and anger, and he argues that the differences between the three is that resentment is directed toward a higher status individual;
anger is directed toward an equal status individual;
and contempt is directed toward a lower status individual.[3]" ..

Focus on the Family / “Contempt in Marriage”
https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marria ... n-marriage

.. Contempt is also poisonous to a relationship because it conveys disgust. It's like eating rotten food. Your nose immediately wrinkles, your lip curls and you spit out the food. No one wants to stay in a marriage when he or she feels rejected and unwanted.

When we express contempt — or merely communicate with a spouse while in a contemptuous frame of mind — we can become truly mean and disrespectful. Here are a few of the more common ways of showing contempt for another person:

Mocking
Speaking with sarcasm
Using hostile humor
Name-calling
Mimicking
Eye-rolling
Sneering or smirking
If you've ever been on the receiving end of this kind of communication, you already know how hurtful and destructive it can be. No wonder Dr. Gottman regards contempt as a kind of marital death knell! ..

The Gottman Institute / “The Four Horsemen: Contempt”
https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-h ... -contempt/

Contempt is the worst of the four horsemen. It is the most destructive negative behavior in relationships. In Dr. Gottman’s four decades of research, he has found it to be the number one predictor of divorce. According to Malcolm Gladwell in his bestselling book, Blink:

“If Gottman observes one or both partners in a marriage showing contempt toward the other, he considers it the most important sign that a marriage is in trouble.”

There is a LOT written on this! (Contempt in relationships and marriage.)
i suppose, i closely relate contempt with anger. just never thot about it like that before.

RZehr wrote:Looking at the anger iceberg there. Those things under the water, what makes one person more effected by them then other people, and how does one take steps to overcome anger?

A lot of it has to do with the person's personality, their emotional history both in childhood and as an adult, and life events that have happened to them.

Some personalities seem to be more emotional than others and are affected by things more than others. Some are less affected. Those not affected at all may have a pathology such as being a sociopath.

Children of alcoholic or addicted parents have quite a few of these emotions in the iceberg illustration. Abuse victims likewise.

Traumatic life events can create anger. The stereotype of the betrayed wife who divorces and subsequently hates all men is a very real one.

Intense and relentless pressures from jobs, schooling, family conflict can embed these emotions in a person so that the anger becomes habitual.

I am grateful for the grace of God who can help someone overcome all these things. Recognizing the anger, admitting the anger and seeking help for the anger is part of that grace.

i remembered this thread when studying this iceberg graphic:
it’s not specifically about anger. it’s about “how real life works.”

Yesterday, i realized. About myself. i looked it up. found this. “Compicated grief” hmm.



i kinda realized it when reading about Afghanistan (mostly on this forum). i avoid “news” in general. i see it discussed here.
it dawned on me, most responses are basically outpourings of grief, much of it due to feelings of helplessness to do anything else.

And, my son. My son has told me, “mom, it’s not healthy.” and i know he’s right.



i don’t intend to be depressing and hopeless.
sometimes, taking “the next step” is dependent on first recognizing where you’ve been, where you are. and then stepping forward.

when fictional Anne described her perfect graveyard, it was so endearing.
she was so young, her words were accurate, a young orphan can authentically use those words, children’s lives can be full of hardship and pain, but, as the book reveals, there was so much ahead for her, hopes and dreams. her life became full.

my grandmother was right.
when i was very young, she shared an unusual moment with me, saying, wistfully,
“the hardest part of growing old is missing loved ones who have passed.” i really had not thot of this. i believed her.

she was overall the happiest person i’ve ever known in my life. she and my grandpa, who had passed.
but they experienced deep aching grief, too. not that i want to think about. i do not want to think of them in pain.

some years ago, my young grdaughter marveled at the happiness of her grandparents! i smiled.
i assured her, “we are happy because you exist,” you are God’s creation.