So now my wife and I are in the Maryland home I grew up in helping take care of my 95-year-old Mom. A significant portion of her brain, we're told, is gone. She's incontinent and unsteady using her walker. Much of the time she wants to sleep, but if she sleeps too much in the day, she doesn't sleep well at night, so the person spending the night in her room (my wife or I) doesn't get much sleep also. She likes to eat ice cream (not much), to sing hymns or listen to us sing, but we can't keep that up all day. She will play rummy or scrabble, but needs constant reminders of what's allowed (you need groups of 3 cards....) She will read a little, but can't give anything attention for long. Playing games and singing all day is hard on my wife & I; we've always been people getting things done. Yes, we are doing something helpful, but still game-playing seems so trivial.
We'd appreciate prayers and any advice. What other activities might be good ideas for a dementia patient?
Dementia care
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MaxPC
Re: Dementia care
They like repetitive and familiar activities. Considering her level of functioning, think in terms of those things that entertain a 3-7 year old. Check out the store toy section in that age group.JimFoxvog wrote:So now my wife and I are in the Maryland home I grew up in helping take care of my 95-year-old Mom. A significant portion of her brain, we're told, is gone. She's incontinent and unsteady using her walker. Much of the time she wants to sleep, but if she sleeps too much in the day, she doesn't sleep well at night, so the person spending the night in her room (my wife or I) doesn't get much sleep also. She likes to eat ice cream (not much), to sing hymns or listen to us sing, but we can't keep that up all day. She will play rummy or scrabble, but needs constant reminders of what's allowed (you need groups of 3 cards....) She will read a little, but can't give anything attention for long. Playing games and singing all day is hard on my wife & I; we've always been people getting things done. Yes, we are doing something helpful, but still game-playing seems so trivial.
We'd appreciate prayers and any advice. What other activities might be good ideas for a dementia patient?
- *Simple jigsaw puzzles for young children are good.
*Putting together a photo album of close relatives and having her name them is another.
*Ironically the one productive use of video games is for those with alzheimer's. We've used a simple hand held video game of *PacMan or other version for young children.
*An Etch-a Sketch is also a favorite item among those who struggle with alzheimer's.
*Creating a CD of her favorite hymns may be entertaining for her. Just set the CD player into repeat mode so that you can get other things done in the house.
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ohio jones
Re: Dementia care
When my grandmother (the Catholic one, not the Mennonite one, so she had a TV) was around that age, she watched Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune every day. A few carefully selected programs like that can help establish a routine, provide entertainment and a bit of mental stimulation, and allow you to do other things nearby. Back then Youtube didn't exist, but you could find videos of the Gaithers or whatever she enjoys, either longer ones or a playlist that fits her attention span or beyond, that she can watch and/or sing along with.
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temporal1
Re: Dementia care
ah-ha. memories ..
there are different types of dementia, i learned during my husband’s extended illness.
thankfully, advances have been made in recent years, more is coming (we can hope) ..
just one generation back, life was (even more) horrible for victims and their caretakers.
families hid the diagnosis, there was great fear, little discussion. further back, cancer was like this. people were afraid to say, the “C” word. fear of losing one’s job. at the mention, these diagnoses would change peoples’ lives.
things have changed dramatically.
i tried to keep perspective of this while walking through it.
just one generation back, very likely, i would not have been able to be the sole caretaker for my husband. when he was first diagnosed, two different specialists privately counseled me to divorce him, and leave.
in my wildest dreams, i never imagined this.
i was warned, “this disease will bring both of you down.”
i respected them, and, believed them. i chose to, in faith, “take it one day at a time.”
in retrospect, yes. there was a high cost. but, i can’t work out how their advice would not have also come with a high price. it sort of reminds of abortion questions. certainly, an abortion ends a life. but, how does this not come with a high price? some “math” just does not add up to me.
at the time of his diagnosis, he was in his early 50’s, physically strong+vibrant, still working hard. to begin, neither of us could believe the diagnosis! i felt my memory was not as good as his! this seemed so wrong, so backward. we discussed going to the Mayo Clinic for a second opinion.
for the first year, i was “on the hunt” to learn about Alz, to find a way out. nothing.
the diagnosis was the result of several different tests. he was not marginal on any.
because of this, we decided not to go to Mayo. i saw nothing they could do that was not already done (for the diagnosis.)
by the end of the first year, indisputable signs were showing up. he asked me to help him with his (civil engineering) work, then, he asked for help with the checkbook. never before! he was brilliant with math. we began to accept the diagnosis.
honestly, i wish i had helped with the checkbook right away.
bunny trail:
when i began, i realized he had a significant life insurance policy he let lapse - within weeks of his diagnosis! sigh. i called the ins company. there was no way to reinstate the policy by then.
how many years did he pay in? - (honestly, i wonder how to prevent these predictable errors.)
i suppose insurance companies count on numbers of errors like these for their profit margins.
i never mentioned this to him. i’m sure he had forgotten. it would have upset him.
he was diagnosed at 53. he died at 60.
we were told this is a rare form of Alz. it occurs in younger people, even in 40’s, or younger. one marker is victims do not live long, 5-10 years, or so. they tend to remember family and old friends. he did. this was a help. when caring for him, only rarely, for fleeting moments, did he not recognize me. these times were scary, but they passed quickly. thank goodness.
Medication.
a new med was available at that time. i believe, Namenda. he took different ones. and, supplements. i had to prepare+dispense. he could not do it.
in my non-medical view, the greatest thing these meds do is prevent panic.
victims know “things are wrong,” they are trapped inside their bodies and can’t get out.
panic can cause physical lashing-out. who could blame them?
i saw a little of this, but, meds kept things mostly on an even keel.
he was very strong. i told doctors, “i can deal with a lot. but, if he becomes combative, i won’t be able to handle it. he is too strong.” i believe, in history, “combative” is one of the problems that resulted in patients being locked in rooms, tied to beds, etc. really hard times.
years later, i admit, i am still getting over this (shocking) experience.
i did my best. maybe i shouldn’t have.
doctors were right. there is a price. but, isn’t there a price with every decision?
Television.
i turned off tv in 2016. i’d almost forgotten. we used tv.
The Golf Channel.
i’m not a golfer, my husband enjoyed it.
The Golf Channel can be useful. it can be calming. he loved the outdoors.
the visuals are almost always green+beautiful landscapes, even in winter; voices are almost always quiet, in undertones.
later, when caring for our 2 year old granddaughter, i used The Golf Channel again, esp near nap times and bed time. we sometimes laugh over it. she was so sweet about it.
end rambling.
maybe someone will find something helpful in that. ^^^
.. peace and prayers for you and your family.
there are different types of dementia, i learned during my husband’s extended illness.
thankfully, advances have been made in recent years, more is coming (we can hope) ..
just one generation back, life was (even more) horrible for victims and their caretakers.
families hid the diagnosis, there was great fear, little discussion. further back, cancer was like this. people were afraid to say, the “C” word. fear of losing one’s job. at the mention, these diagnoses would change peoples’ lives.
things have changed dramatically.
i tried to keep perspective of this while walking through it.
just one generation back, very likely, i would not have been able to be the sole caretaker for my husband. when he was first diagnosed, two different specialists privately counseled me to divorce him, and leave.
in my wildest dreams, i never imagined this.i was warned, “this disease will bring both of you down.”
i respected them, and, believed them. i chose to, in faith, “take it one day at a time.”
in retrospect, yes. there was a high cost. but, i can’t work out how their advice would not have also come with a high price. it sort of reminds of abortion questions. certainly, an abortion ends a life. but, how does this not come with a high price? some “math” just does not add up to me.
at the time of his diagnosis, he was in his early 50’s, physically strong+vibrant, still working hard. to begin, neither of us could believe the diagnosis! i felt my memory was not as good as his! this seemed so wrong, so backward. we discussed going to the Mayo Clinic for a second opinion.
for the first year, i was “on the hunt” to learn about Alz, to find a way out. nothing.
the diagnosis was the result of several different tests. he was not marginal on any.
because of this, we decided not to go to Mayo. i saw nothing they could do that was not already done (for the diagnosis.)
by the end of the first year, indisputable signs were showing up. he asked me to help him with his (civil engineering) work, then, he asked for help with the checkbook. never before! he was brilliant with math. we began to accept the diagnosis.
honestly, i wish i had helped with the checkbook right away.
bunny trail:
when i began, i realized he had a significant life insurance policy he let lapse - within weeks of his diagnosis! sigh. i called the ins company. there was no way to reinstate the policy by then.
how many years did he pay in? - (honestly, i wonder how to prevent these predictable errors.)
i suppose insurance companies count on numbers of errors like these for their profit margins.
i never mentioned this to him. i’m sure he had forgotten. it would have upset him.
he was diagnosed at 53. he died at 60.
we were told this is a rare form of Alz. it occurs in younger people, even in 40’s, or younger. one marker is victims do not live long, 5-10 years, or so. they tend to remember family and old friends. he did. this was a help. when caring for him, only rarely, for fleeting moments, did he not recognize me. these times were scary, but they passed quickly. thank goodness.
Medication.
a new med was available at that time. i believe, Namenda. he took different ones. and, supplements. i had to prepare+dispense. he could not do it.
in my non-medical view, the greatest thing these meds do is prevent panic.
victims know “things are wrong,” they are trapped inside their bodies and can’t get out.
panic can cause physical lashing-out. who could blame them?
i saw a little of this, but, meds kept things mostly on an even keel.
he was very strong. i told doctors, “i can deal with a lot. but, if he becomes combative, i won’t be able to handle it. he is too strong.” i believe, in history, “combative” is one of the problems that resulted in patients being locked in rooms, tied to beds, etc. really hard times.
years later, i admit, i am still getting over this (shocking) experience.
i did my best. maybe i shouldn’t have.
doctors were right. there is a price. but, isn’t there a price with every decision?
Television.
i turned off tv in 2016. i’d almost forgotten. we used tv.
The Golf Channel.
i’m not a golfer, my husband enjoyed it.
The Golf Channel can be useful. it can be calming. he loved the outdoors.
the visuals are almost always green+beautiful landscapes, even in winter; voices are almost always quiet, in undertones.
later, when caring for our 2 year old granddaughter, i used The Golf Channel again, esp near nap times and bed time. we sometimes laugh over it. she was so sweet about it.
end rambling.
maybe someone will find something helpful in that. ^^^
.. peace and prayers for you and your family.
0 x
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JimFoxvog
Re: Dementia care
Mom has lost the ability to follow Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune. We are doing videos of hymns with lyrics (a Mennonite playlist is one of her favorites). She likes to sing along, but often has trouble singing at a different speed. I think I'll experiment with other youtube videos such as old variety shows she used to watch like Ed Sullivan or Lawrence Welk.ohio jones wrote:When my grandmother (the Catholic one, not the Mennonite one, so she had a TV) was around that age, she watched Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune every day. A few carefully selected programs like that can help establish a routine, provide entertainment and a bit of mental stimulation, and allow you to do other things nearby. Back then Youtube didn't exist, but you could find videos of the Gaithers or whatever she enjoys, either longer ones or a playlist that fits her attention span or beyond, that she can watch and/or sing along with.
0 x
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MaxPC
Re: Dementia care
I'm glad some of these ideas are helpful. It's rather easy to be burned out for ideas when caregiving.JimFoxvog wrote: Mom has lost the ability to follow Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune. We are doing videos of hymns with lyrics (a Mennonite playlist is one of her favorites). She likes to sing along, but often has trouble singing at a different speed. I think I'll experiment with other youtube videos such as old variety shows she used to watch like Ed Sullivan or Lawrence Welk.
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JimFoxvog
Re: Dementia care
My wife and I have been taking care of Mom in our Illinois home since September. We went to our family's home in Maryland for 9 days for Christmas. Friday afternoon we were to fly home to Illinois. Sister said she wanted to take Mom for an eye check-up in the early morning. She called saying she needed Mom's prescription details for a medical form. We haven't seen or talked with Mom or Sister since. She sent a note through her son that she was taking Mom and not allowing her to make her flight.
Please pray for Mom, Sister, and the rest of the family that is having trouble not being angry and resentful. Crying is better than plotting.
Please pray for Mom, Sister, and the rest of the family that is having trouble not being angry and resentful. Crying is better than plotting.
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JimFoxvog
Re: Dementia care
My sister still has not spoken to me or my brother. We still don't know Mom's location. I spoke with Mom's and sister's pastor who was going to try to get sister to follow the Matthew 18 and 1 Corinthians 6 guidelines. She refused. The pastor did not see any further Matthew 18 steps were possible.
The news we have is that my sister has filed to be Mom's guardian and we can read the public documents, which have also been mailed to us as "Interested Parties". This is the only communication we have from her. There are many reasons that my sister as a guardian is not a wise idea. We are concerned that Mom may not be being cared for well, and my sister has a long record of mismanaging money as well as clinical depression. My brother has filed a competing claim to be the guardian and I have given a supporting affidavit. His lawyer is going to file for an injunction to have Mom returned. I'll probably travel from Illinois to Maryland to show up for the hearing on February 14. If Mom is returned home, Meg and I will likely go to Maryland to care for her.
What a mess! Using courts is not what I'd like to do. If your sister takes your mother, should you give her your mother's money as well? (Matthew 5.40) But she's also my brother's mother and my brother's inheritance--and my mother's welfare matters.
Please pray for family reconciliation and wisdom in the court.
The news we have is that my sister has filed to be Mom's guardian and we can read the public documents, which have also been mailed to us as "Interested Parties". This is the only communication we have from her. There are many reasons that my sister as a guardian is not a wise idea. We are concerned that Mom may not be being cared for well, and my sister has a long record of mismanaging money as well as clinical depression. My brother has filed a competing claim to be the guardian and I have given a supporting affidavit. His lawyer is going to file for an injunction to have Mom returned. I'll probably travel from Illinois to Maryland to show up for the hearing on February 14. If Mom is returned home, Meg and I will likely go to Maryland to care for her.
What a mess! Using courts is not what I'd like to do. If your sister takes your mother, should you give her your mother's money as well? (Matthew 5.40) But she's also my brother's mother and my brother's inheritance--and my mother's welfare matters.
Please pray for family reconciliation and wisdom in the court.
0 x
Re: Dementia care
I just read through this thread and am wanting to know the end of the story. I can't imagine having to go through this. My heart goes out to you and all your family.JimFoxvog wrote:My sister still has not spoken to me or my brother. We still don't know Mom's location. I spoke with Mom's and sister's pastor who was going to try to get sister to follow the Matthew 18 and 1 Corinthians 6 guidelines. She refused. The pastor did not see any further Matthew 18 steps were possible.
The news we have is that my sister has filed to be Mom's guardian and we can read the public documents, which have also been mailed to us as "Interested Parties". This is the only communication we have from her. There are many reasons that my sister as a guardian is not a wise idea. We are concerned that Mom may not be being cared for well, and my sister has a long record of mismanaging money as well as clinical depression. My brother has filed a competing claim to be the guardian and I have given a supporting affidavit. His lawyer is going to file for an injunction to have Mom returned. I'll probably travel from Illinois to Maryland to show up for the hearing on February 14. If Mom is returned home, Meg and I will likely go to Maryland to care for her.
What a mess! Using courts is not what I'd like to do. If your sister takes your mother, should you give her your mother's money as well? (Matthew 5.40) But she's also my brother's mother and my brother's inheritance--and my mother's welfare matters.
Please pray for family reconciliation and wisdom in the court.
0 x