Hats Off wrote:My hope and prayer is that we can use this JMast/CAM thing to effect real change.
Josh wrote:One of the survivors in question has been called a “whore”, a “” (by a conservative Anabaptist person), and a “predator”. This is what a teenage girl is called who is groomed and abused by a married man in his 40s or 50s.
How is this culture going to change? Does anyone really even want to hear from survivors? Do you really want them to have a voice?/
Josh, it is a good thing to have an agenda if it means bringing change to this area.
How do you think we can change this? I've been completely shocked by what gets said behind closed doors - sometimes even by ministers and ministers' wives.
At the same time, there are many ministers, ministers' wives, and other members I know would never act or talk this way. But it's very challenging to figure out who is who.
I'm deeply grateful to those who are willing to sorrow through sexual abuse survivors' stories. I do think there is some good, for those who feel ready , in engaging others to help understand what we really would not want you to ever know.
"Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ" takes at least two.
One of my deep concerns with telling these things is that abusers, enablers, and victims sometimes deny or minimize what happened and the aftereffects. I caution that hearing another person's story might cause such a one to say, "Well, what happened in the situation with ___ is not that bad compared to ___ ." People need to resist that lie. None of us need to hear or think it was worse for this one or that one, or worse for me, or worse for you. It was all bad.
It is also all too easy to see how sharing a story leads to all sorts of unfruitful speculation that hurts victims even more, like the current pressure on Trudy Metzger and the recent storyteller describing her own rape. (Would it be too much to ask that instead of criticizing them, we call on you unknown men responsible to come forward now, before you must face God?) Plus, I have a nightmare of people reading and getting a kind of horrified entertainment from others' pain. I wrote around the edges of my story once for a college essay, and got compliments that others "enjoyed its power." Sorry, not helpful.
For these and other reasons, I have seldom given any details except to say I am a survivor of long-term childhood sexual and psychological abuse. However, I have been thinking for a long time that I would really love to tell people openly about my miraculous deliverance. For so many years, it was too difficult to include this integral part of my salvation testimony.
Now seems the time to make that part of my story public, so trigger warning for the rest of this post:
By the summer I was thirteen, my situation was very grave. I sometimes thought it might finally end in murder, one way or another. I went to Baptist church camp (four days and nights of safety), but the night before I was to come home, I was in despair. Not just from having to go back home to the abuse, but also from terror at what it was twisting me into. Of course, I had heard the gospel, but it had never really clicked that to be a Christian was to have a personal relationship with a Father who actually cared about me. In my limited understanding, I thought being a Christian was what you decided to be. (Like the song "I Have Decided to Follow Jesus.") My favorite verse was Micah 6:8: "He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the LORD require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?" I had always been a compliant child, and doing what was required of Christians by God, too, made sense to me. I cannot remember ever asking God for anything for myself before that night; I am not even entirely sure I had ever prayed higher than the ceiling. My life was just how my life was, and I tried to control it the best I could to ensure survival.
We were sitting around in the dorm before bed--August 3, 1972--and other girls were talking about their conversion experiences, when suddenly, it was like a light bulb coming on in my head, that I was not actually a believer. I had been listening to preaching all week about how to do the "sinner's prayer," but I did not have courage enough to confess my bigger-than-the-average-kid-sinner situation with anyone else present. Keeping the secrets was so ingrained in me! So no one else was involved at all. I went back to my bed in the corner and had my private prayer meeting with Jesus. The first thing, besides salvation, I asked of God was to somehow, any way at all, deliver me from the incest. I went home the next day prepared to die and go to heaven, which would have been a great relief.
I remember the exact spot I was standing when I told my parents as soon as I got home, "I became a Christian yesterday, and things are going to be different from now on." That is all I said. Sometimes after that at night, I could hear someone outside my bedroom door, but I believe angels were guarding it. No one tried to enter ever again.
Both my parents went downhill mentally from then on. I have to think now they must have suffered tremendously after there was not that outlet on me any longer. Until I left home at seventeen, it was still a terrible place to be, and I still put on the Golden Child show performance to keep the secrets. There were still other kinds of abuse going on-- like of animals when I was forced to watch, and forcing me to read the cult literature that was later brought home, but I was free from continuing sexual abuse.
I have no answers for why God allowed my childhood to be so cruel. WHY is the Big Q for abuse survivors. I don't believe that heart cry is wrong: Even Jesus asked it in His worst moment! The psalms, too, are full of innocent suffering. The important thing is that we keep pouring that cry out to God until we are back around to desperate trust in Him, just as the Psalmists show us. I have come to believe that when the innocent suffer for any reason, it is "the fellowship of His sufferings," and I find so much comfort in that.
For those reading this who are somehow involved in sexual abuse--whether as victim; abuser; or someone who covered it up or found it out; or the one who holds the sufferer during long, hard nights; and you blessedly innocent ones, who just never knew until now--and this is a lot of us: Let's love each other well by uncovering this sin to the Light. This evil twists into us, and warps and deadens the soul. This whole creation is groaning, and we cannot fix that. But we must do all we can to help relieve suffering, whatever the cost, until Jesus comes.
0 x
Take the position that you're wrong, and your goal is to be less wrong over time. --Elon Musk
I'm deeply grateful to those who are willing to sorrow through sexual abuse survivors' stories. I do think there is some good, for those who feel ready , in engaging others to help understand what we really would not want you to ever know.
"Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ" takes at least two.
One of my deep concerns with telling these things is that abusers, enablers, and victims sometimes deny or minimize what happened and the aftereffects. I caution that hearing another person's story might cause such a one to say, "Well, what happened in the situation with ___ is not that bad compared to ___ ." People need to resist that lie. None of us need to hear or think it was worse for this one or that one, or worse for me, or worse for you. It was all bad.
It is also all too easy to see how sharing a story leads to all sorts of unfruitful speculation that hurts victims even more, like the current pressure on Trudy Metzger and the recent storyteller describing her own rape. (Would it be too much to ask that instead of criticizing them, we call on you unknown men responsible to come forward now, before you must face God?) Plus, I have a nightmare of people reading and getting a kind of horrified entertainment from others' pain. I wrote around the edges of my story once for a college essay, and got compliments that others "enjoyed its power." Sorry, not helpful.
For these and other reasons, I have seldom given any details except to say I am a survivor of long-term childhood sexual and psychological abuse. However, I have been thinking for a long time that I would really love to tell people openly about my miraculous deliverance. For so many years, it was too difficult to include this integral part of my salvation testimony.
Now seems the time to make that part of my story public, so trigger warning for the rest of this post:
By the summer I was thirteen, my situation was very grave. I sometimes thought it might finally end in murder, one way or another. I went to Baptist church camp (four days and nights of safety), but the night before I was to come home, I was in despair. Not just from having to go back home to the abuse, but also from terror at what it was twisting me into. Of course, I had heard the gospel, but it had never really clicked that to be a Christian was to have a personal relationship with a Father who actually cared about me. In my limited understanding, I thought being a Christian was what you decided to be. (Like the song "I Have Decided to Follow Jesus.") My favorite verse was Micah 6:8: "He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the LORD require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?" I had always been a compliant child, and doing what was required of Christians by God, too, made sense to me. I cannot remember ever asking God for anything for myself before that night; I am not even entirely sure I had ever prayed higher than the ceiling. My life was just how my life was, and I tried to control it the best I could to ensure survival.
We were sitting around in the dorm before bed--August 3, 1972--and other girls were talking about their conversion experiences, when suddenly, it was like a light bulb coming on in my head, that I was not actually a believer. I had been listening to preaching all week about how to do the "sinner's prayer," but I did not have courage enough to confess my bigger-than-the-average-kid-sinner situation with anyone else present. Keeping the secrets was so ingrained in me! So no one else was involved at all. I went back to my bed in the corner and had my private prayer meeting with Jesus. The first thing, besides salvation, I asked of God was to somehow, any way at all, deliver me from the incest. I went home the next day prepared to die and go to heaven, which would have been a great relief.
I remember the exact spot I was standing when I told my parents as soon as I got home, "I became a Christian yesterday, and things are going to be different from now on." That is all I said. Sometimes after that at night, I could hear someone outside my bedroom door, but I believe angels were guarding it. No one tried to enter ever again.
Both my parents went downhill mentally from then on. I have to think now they must have suffered tremendously after there was not that outlet on me any longer. Until I left home at seventeen, it was still a terrible place to be, and I still put on the Golden Child show performance to keep the secrets. There were still other kinds of abuse going on-- like of animals when I was forced to watch, and forcing me to read the cult literature that was later brought home, but I was free from continuing sexual abuse.
I have no answers for why God allowed my childhood to be so cruel. WHY is the Big Q for abuse survivors. I don't believe that heart cry is wrong: Even Jesus asked it in His worst moment! The psalms, too, are full of innocent suffering. The important thing is that we keep pouring that cry out to God until we are back around to desperate trust in Him, just as the Psalmists show us. I have come to believe that when the innocent suffer for any reason, it is "the fellowship of His sufferings," and I find so much comfort in that.
For those reading this who are somehow involved in sexual abuse--whether as victim; abuser; or someone who covered it up or found it out; or the one who holds the sufferer during long, hard nights; and you blessedly innocent ones, who just never knew until now--and this is a lot of us: Let's love each other well by uncovering this sin to the Light. This evil twists into us, and warps and deadens the soul. This whole creation is groaning, and we cannot fix that. But we must do all we can to help relieve suffering, whatever the cost, until Jesus comes.
Thank you.
Thank you for sharing this.
0 x
No half-heartedness and no worldly fear must turn us aside from following the light unflinchingly. --J.R.R. Tolkien
When you can't run, you crawl, and when you can't crawl - when you can't do that...you find someone to carry you. --Firefly
mercysfree wrote:A Testimonyand you blessedly innocent ones, who just never knew until now--and this is a lot of us: Let's love each other well by uncovering this sin to the Light. This evil twists into us, and warps and deadens the soul. This whole creation is groaning, and we cannot fix that. But we must do all we can to help relieve suffering, whatever the cost, until Jesus comes.
There are many of us who simply can't begin to understand; I read "Joey's Story" and cried all the way through. We are so blessedly innocent (not really) but we have no experience at all. To read some of the things Trudy writes about; some of the stories told here; they just blow us away! If we sound as though we don't believe you, it is because we can't begin to imagine the stuff that happens. It just doesn't seem possible - I apologize if I seem to question. I had been encouraging Trudy to have the 7 year old name the names, but I am not so sure anymore. Without proof, people who grew up the way I did almost automatically question. I can just hear the questions. And now I say don't accuse or name names without being sure that you are not just making yourself even more the victim.
And now I say don't accuse or name names without being sure that you are not just making yourself even more the victim.
So just be silent?
Believe me I could name names. What exactly can I do with my list?
I was referring to my thoughts on the seven year old girl. I encouraged naming names for her but am not so sure any more. What are the chances of the right people believing her? What are the chances that something positive will happen? What are the chances that she will just be victimized even more? I will trust her and Trudy and whoever else is working with her.
Josh, if you have a list that holds water, share it with the appropriate people. Our overall position cannot be silence. I don't have a list. I thought last night when I couldn't sleep and came up with 8 names - names that I only know about because they have been dealt with somehow.
And now I say don't accuse or name names without being sure that you are not just making yourself even more the victim.
So just be silent?
Believe me I could name names. What exactly can I do with my list?
I was referring to my thoughts on the seven year old girl. I encouraged naming names for her but am not so sure any more. What are the chances of the right people believing her? What are the chances that something positive will happen? What are the chances that she will just be victimized even more? I will trust her and Trudy and whoever else is working with her.
Josh, if you have a list that holds water, share it with the appropriate people. Our overall position cannot be silence. I don't have a list. I thought last night when I couldn't sleep and came up with 8 names - names that I only know about because they have been dealt with somehow.
Hats Off were you able to read Trudy's blog post update on the 7 year old victim?
0 x
No half-heartedness and no worldly fear must turn us aside from following the light unflinchingly. --J.R.R. Tolkien
When you can't run, you crawl, and when you can't crawl - when you can't do that...you find someone to carry you. --Firefly
Believe me I could name names. What exactly can I do with my list?
I was referring to my thoughts on the seven year old girl. I encouraged naming names for her but am not so sure any more. What are the chances of the right people believing her? What are the chances that something positive will happen? What are the chances that she will just be victimized even more? I will trust her and Trudy and whoever else is working with her.
Josh, if you have a list that holds water, share it with the appropriate people. Our overall position cannot be silence. I don't have a list. I thought last night when I couldn't sleep and came up with 8 names - names that I only know about because they have been dealt with somehow.
Hats Off were you able to read Trudy's blog post update on the 7 year old victim?
