Pronouns - the next generation

[temporal1]

in my family, adult children are still children, with some tweaking. parents become elders.
families vary.
in my overall family, i have a close cousin that, as an adult, decided to (simply) change her name.
she did so, but, her mother and closest family could not take that leap. there was hurt on both sides, but it did not break the family apart. decades passed. probably hurt was mitigated with time, but, awkwardness over the change did not disappear.

i do not feel either side was being obnoxious, neither should they be labeled such.
if one side is obnoxious, so is the other .. one initiated, the other was made to deal with it.

those parents have passed now. one lives with regrets.

having witnessed that, in a close+loving family, i believe both sides did their best.
i don’t believe ultimatums were given. it was just something they could not agree on.
today, ultimatums are in wide use. they are no more valuable than they ever were.

i would want to clarify the root of the ultimatum.
lots of times, people behave badly toward others. it does not have to be returned, in kind.
it’s better for it not to be.

as you are saying, this is her decision, not yours, you have not changed, nor do you expect to.

honestly, this sort of response typically leads to reconciliation - not always immediately.

it takes guts to wait it out. it can be painful, not knowing.

but, when it comes: peace. often, happiness before unknown.
learning and healing take time. allow time. it’s not something we “do” to or for others.

imho, this is a matter of faith. no faith, no patience.
this is my experience in my life. i struggle with it. “obnoxious” is not relevant, or helpful.

[Josh]

There may be a generational gap thing between me and Bootstrap. I've just accepted that "he" and "she" don't necessarily mean biological sex or what sex someone grew up as. Likewise, if someone wants to go by "xie" or "xir" it doesn't offend me that much, although it can be a bit bizarre.

I hope the rest of my life is enough of a conservative Anabaptist witness that people know I don't accept as godly any expressions of sexuality outside of heterosexual marriage, but at the same time, I don't expect people who aren't in my church community to follow my lifestyle or live up to a godly standard.

[temporal1]

There may be a generational gap thing between me and Bootstrap. I've just accepted that "he" and "she" don't necessarily mean biological sex or what sex someone grew up as. Likewise, if someone wants to go by "xie" or "xir" it doesn't offend me that much, although it can be a bit bizarre.

I hope the rest of my life is enough of a conservative Anabaptist witness that people know I don't accept as godly any expressions of sexuality outside of heterosexual marriage, but at the same time, I don't expect people who aren't in my church community to follow my lifestyle or live up to a godly standard.

in the 70’s, “Ms.” magazine came about.
i was 20, and unbothered .. my mother was not so accepting.
in retrospect, i wish we all would have given our elders more credit.

[temporal1]

as i’m remembering, we were young marrieds when my husband wisely helped me learn about the downsides of ultimatums. he was not obnoxious, but, in a loving way, helped me learn better.

i suppose i so value that “lesson,” i want others to benefit, if they can.
ultimatums are tempting. usually, there are much better methods.

interesting, whatever inspired the lesson has been long forgotten. the lesson has been useful over decades.

[Josh]

In this case, half of society is delivering an ultimatum to the other half of society.

If you stand your ground against the ultimatum, you end up stuck choosing to join the battle on the right wing side of the culture wars.

[temporal1]

In this case, half of society is delivering an ultimatum to the other half of society.

If you stand your ground against the ultimatum, you end up stuck choosing to join the battle on the right wing side of the culture wars.

not an exaggeration.
i suppose, with my life’s experience to help, i’ve seen “big lies” come undone .. this is helpful in keeping one’s balance. in keeping one’s faith.

these are continuing David and Goliath stories, and, David continues to have the unseen advantage.
i do understand and empathize with what children and young people face, including their parents.
it is no small matter. all these deserve the greatest support possible to guide them through.

it’s a murky mess.