What makes for a good courtship?

[mike]

My daughter is starting up a relationship with a young man, so the topic is on my mind. She's the second of our children to do so, but it lands a little differently when it's a daughter. We plan to talk with them soon to give some advice and give our vision for their relationship.

What would you say if you were in this position? What's your best advice?

[Ernie]

Don't let the heart/emotions/passions run ahead of the commitment level.

Don't commit to anything hurriedly before the heart is behind it. Wisdom should be involved before making commitments. A woman should feel free to ask for time to ponder before responding to anything that moves the relationship to a different level.

Regarding engagement...
I really object to women being put on the spot with a proposal, unless all interested parties have already signed off and the woman is ready to make the commitment. Many women have said they would marry a man because they did like him, and they didn't want to say no, but they weren't emotionally or mentally prepared, or they had not yet done the amount of observation and research that they should have done before promising to marry someone. Tell the suitor he should get your consent before asking her to marry him and that he should not expect an answer from her immediately when he does propose.

[joshuabgood]

In the counseling world there are something called, "No Hard Feelings Clauses." These basically indicate that both parties agree prior that if for whatever reason, including something like "I just don't feel comfortable moving forward," or "It just doesn't feel like a good fit," folks want to step away from the relationship both of them bless the other in such a move. Talking about this right away can perhaps reduce the pressure that comes in some circles to "marry" the first person you date. Or the pressure that that is some how the best. I would recommend sitting down and talking with both of them about that. It is ok if it doesn't work out.

[mike]

In the counseling world there are something called, "No Hard Feelings Clauses." These basically indicate that both parties agree prior that if for whatever reason, including something like "I just don't feel comfortable moving forward," or "It just doesn't feel like a good fit," folks want to step away from the relationship both of them bless the other in such a move. Talking about this right away can perhaps reduce the pressure that comes in some circles to "marry" the first person you date. Or the pressure that that is some how the best. I would recommend sitting down and talking with both of them about that. It is ok if it doesn't work out.

Very good advice. Thank you.

[Ernie]

In the counseling world there are something called, "No Hard Feelings Clauses." These basically indicate that both parties agree prior that if for whatever reason, including something like "I just don't feel comfortable moving forward," or "It just doesn't feel like a good fit," folks want to step away from the relationship both of them bless the other in such a move. Talking about this right away can perhaps reduce the pressure that comes in some circles to "marry" the first person you date. Or the pressure that that is some how the best. I would recommend sitting down and talking with both of them about that. It is ok if it doesn't work out.

This sure is the opposite of those who believe that God never intends for young people to experience a breakup.

[mike]

In the counseling world there are something called, "No Hard Feelings Clauses." These basically indicate that both parties agree prior that if for whatever reason, including something like "I just don't feel comfortable moving forward," or "It just doesn't feel like a good fit," folks want to step away from the relationship both of them bless the other in such a move. Talking about this right away can perhaps reduce the pressure that comes in some circles to "marry" the first person you date. Or the pressure that that is some how the best. I would recommend sitting down and talking with both of them about that. It is ok if it doesn't work out.

This sure is the opposite of those who believe that God never intends for young people to experience a breakup.

Which also makes it extremely important that courtship is a period without physical contact, let alone immoral behavior, which would make a breakup unnecessarily painful and the relationship itself regrettable. Breaking off dating, if the parties have acted completely with honor and respect, does not need to be so.

[Ernie]

In the counseling world there are something called, "No Hard Feelings Clauses." These basically indicate that both parties agree prior that if for whatever reason, including something like "I just don't feel comfortable moving forward," or "It just doesn't feel like a good fit," folks want to step away from the relationship both of them bless the other in such a move. Talking about this right away can perhaps reduce the pressure that comes in some circles to "marry" the first person you date. Or the pressure that that is some how the best. I would recommend sitting down and talking with both of them about that. It is ok if it doesn't work out.

This sure is the opposite of those who believe that God never intends for young people to experience a breakup.

Which also makes it extremely important that courtship is a period without physical contact, let alone immoral behavior, which would make a breakup unnecessarily painful and the relationship itself regrettable. Breaking off dating, if the parties have acted completely with honor and respect, does not need to be so.

Which also makes it extremely important

What does "it" refer to?

[mike]

This sure is the opposite of those who believe that God never intends for young people to experience a breakup.

Which also makes it extremely important that courtship is a period without physical contact, let alone immoral behavior, which would make a breakup unnecessarily painful and the relationship itself regrettable. Breaking off dating, if the parties have acted completely with honor and respect, does not need to be so.

Which also makes it extremely important

What does "it" refer to?

Not sure I understand the question correctly, but for better clarity I suppose the clause could be rephrased, "The advice in JBG's post also makes absence of physical contact extremely important in the courtship period."

[Ernie]

Which also makes it extremely important that courtship is a period without physical contact, let alone immoral behavior, which would make a breakup unnecessarily painful and the relationship itself regrettable. Breaking off dating, if the parties have acted completely with honor and respect, does not need to be so.

Which also makes it extremely important

What does "it" refer to?

Not sure I understand the question correctly, but for better clarity I suppose the clause could be rephrased, "The advice in JBG's post also makes absence of physical contact extremely important in the courtship period."

Got it.
But you are not saying that is not extremely important for those who marry the first person they date to maintain the same standard, correct?

[mike]

Which also makes it extremely important

What does "it" refer to?

Not sure I understand the question correctly, but for better clarity I suppose the clause could be rephrased, "The advice in JBG's post also makes absence of physical contact extremely important in the courtship period."

Got it.
But you are not saying that is not extremely important for those who marry the first person they date to maintain the same standard, correct?

No, not at all.