Wife leave her husband

[R7ehr]

How would you answer, explain and defend/support from scripture the question:
Can a Christian wife leave her apostatized husband if he is abusive?
Assume they were Christians when they got married, and he turned back to sin.

What are the reasons the Bible explicitly gives allowance for leaving?

Do you make a distinction between temporary and permanent leaving? Do you make a distinction between long term separation and legal divorce?

What is “abuse”?
Who makes that determination? Each person? The surrounding culture and time (is our time and place influencing the answer)? The legal definition (what about other countries with different laws)? The Bible?

What factors may push your answer one direction or another? Young children? Income earning ability? Family or church support?

Does your answers or framework change if it is the Christian husband who is abused and desires to leave his abusive wife? Or is your answer the same regardless of the gender of the abused?

[JohnH]

If they're both members (or one is an ex-member) then church leadership and the entire brotherhood can play a role in determining if separation is called for. For example, if Spouse A keeps hitting Spouse B for no reason, and refuses to stop, then it seems quite reasonable to argue for a time of separation, and mediation between the two insofar as they are willing to submit to church authority on the matter.

The Bible doesn't really speak very clearly to reasons to leave, or not leave. It does generally imply leaving your spouse isn't a good thing and should be avoided.

An obvious problem these days is that some people seem to be capable of defining absolutely anything as "abuse" - for example, not talking to their spouse enough, or when they want to, defined as "abuse", and in one case I can think of, the spouse who was claiming this turned out to have actually been quite verbally abusive (screaming, yelling, saying very denigrating things, and doing it every day) to the spouse who just shut down / was quiet / basically withdrawn. (Not both church members or Anabaptist but they would have both claimed to be Christians at some point.)

When both people are members in my church, and they for whatever reason can't manage to live together, they both end up on repentance indefinitely until the situation is resolved.

[Soloist]

Wife: that’s complicated. I don’t know if there’s something in the Bible that says. I would say separation if the person is being physically abusive until they show proof of repentance. It’s easier if there’s children involved, because then it’s your duty to report it to the cops, and they enforce the separation at that point.

I don’t actually know what I would do because I’m not in that situation. I feel like if I was, I would want to patiently try to get things figured out because soloist must be going loco. if there’s no children to worry about, I can see the idea of suffering for righteousness sake, but I also would not condemn a lady for wanting to separate from a physically abusive spouse.

The idea of divorce (in the Bible) seemed to be the purpose of getting remarried, so I don’t know that a divorce would ever be necessary. Separation is a little different.

I suppose, for your other question, it should be fair to give that same grace for a guy, although unless weapons/poison are involved, I don’t know if there’s as much likelihood of death or violent injury.

I guess I’m just glad I’m not in that situation, and I would leave that up to the direction of the person, hopefully after prayer and Bible study

[JoyE]

The trouble with separation is, as her husband, the man has the right to order her to come back, or do this or that. And couldn't he get her into legal trouble in being responsible if he ran up debts? I've often wondered about that kind of situation, what the Scriptural course of action would be. At least two of my friends have been in that unenviable position.

[Soloist]

The trouble with separation is, as her husband, the man has the right to order her to come back, or do this or that. And couldn't he get her into legal trouble in being responsible if he ran up debts? I've often wondered about that kind of situation, what the Scriptural course of action would be. At least two of my friends have been in that unenviable position.

Wife:Well, if she separates from him for physical abuse, unless he agreed to it, she already made that decision that she doesn’t necessarily have to listen to him. I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s legal issues that might make divorce more necessary if you want to avoid them. I would hate to be in that sort of position.

[Neto]

The trouble with separation is, as her husband, the man has the right to order her to come back, or do this or that. And couldn't he get her into legal trouble in being responsible if he ran up debts? I've often wondered about that kind of situation, what the Scriptural course of action would be. At least two of my friends have been in that unenviable position.

I know a man who was in that situation. His wife left him, first emotionally, then finally literally, and ran up bills that he had to pay. He asked me what I thought he should do, and I talked with a Mennonite pastor who was visiting in Brazil at that time. He recommended a legal separation, not a divorce. He told me that this would make her solely responsible for her own debts. (But the person who asked for advice filed for divorce instead. It turned out later that his wife had almost certainly been involved in an affair from almost immediately after their wedding. She had told their oldest son that the husband was not his birth father. The boy was somewhere around 9 or 10 at the time she left her husband, but it was years later when she told their son that.)

[Valerie]

The trouble with separation is, as her husband, the man has the right to order her to come back, or do this or that. And couldn't he get her into legal trouble in being responsible if he ran up debts? I've often wondered about that kind of situation, what the Scriptural course of action would be. At least two of my friends have been in that unenviable position.

I know a man who was in that situation. His wife left him, first emotionally, then finally literally, and ran up bills that he had to pay. He asked me what I thought he should do, and I talked with a Mennonite pastor who was visiting in Brazil at that time. He recommended a legal separation, not a divorce. He told me that this would make her solely responsible for her own debts. (But the person who asked for advice filed for divorce instead. It turned out later that his wife had almost certainly been involved in an affair from almost immediately after their wedding. She had told their oldest son that the husband was not his birth father. The boy was somewhere around 9 or 10 at the time she left her husband, but it was years later when she told their son that.)

What terribly sad situations. Lord have mercy!
If a spouse is in danger of harm it can tend to escalate.
I would recommend a legal separation - that does not end the marriage leaving room for the couple to get help and heal, leaving the door open for reconciliation, but financially it frees them of obligation for their own bills. Legal separation can also mean child support.Can you imagine Jesus expecting her to take abuse when the husband is told to love the wife as Christ loves the Church?
Maybe it would wake him up to his need for help.

[JohnH]

As a Christian, I'm not terribly comfortable with things like child support lawsuits where you take someone to law to force them to give you money.

[Neto]

The trouble with separation is, as her husband, the man has the right to order her to come back, or do this or that. And couldn't he get her into legal trouble in being responsible if he ran up debts? I've often wondered about that kind of situation, what the Scriptural course of action would be. At least two of my friends have been in that unenviable position.

I know a man who was in that situation. His wife left him, first emotionally, then finally literally, and ran up bills that he had to pay. He asked me what I thought he should do, and I talked with a Mennonite pastor who was visiting in Brazil at that time. He recommended a legal separation, not a divorce. He told me that this would make her solely responsible for her own debts. (But the person who asked for advice filed for divorce instead. It turned out later that his wife had almost certainly been involved in an affair from almost immediately after their wedding. She had told their oldest son that the husband was not his birth father. The boy was somewhere around 9 or 10 at the time she left her husband, but it was years later when she told their son that.)

What terribly sad situations. Lord have mercy!
If a spouse is in danger of harm it can tend to escalate.
I would recommend a legal separation - that does not end the marriage leaving room for the couple to get help and heal, leaving the door open for reconciliation, but financially it frees them of obligation for their own bills. Legal separation can also mean child support.Can you imagine Jesus expecting her to take abuse when the husband is told to love the wife as Christ loves the Church?
Maybe it would wake him up to his need for help.

If you were referring to the situation I mentioned, the husband was the 'victim', not the wife. (There was no physical abuse, only extreme financial burden, and emotional and verbal 'abuse'.) I didn't mention this part of this situation before, but she also wanted nothing to do with their children - she totally abandoned them as well, seeking relationships with them only years later, when they were adults. She paid nothing for their care.

[Valerie]

I know a man who was in that situation. His wife left him, first emotionally, then finally literally, and ran up bills that he had to pay. He asked me what I thought he should do, and I talked with a Mennonite pastor who was visiting in Brazil at that time. He recommended a legal separation, not a divorce. He told me that this would make her solely responsible for her own debts. (But the person who asked for advice filed for divorce instead. It turned out later that his wife had almost certainly been involved in an affair from almost immediately after their wedding. She had told their oldest son that the husband was not his birth father. The boy was somewhere around 9 or 10 at the time she left her husband, but it was years later when she told their son that.)

What terribly sad situations. Lord have mercy!
If a spouse is in danger of harm it can tend to escalate.
I would recommend a legal separation - that does not end the marriage leaving room for the couple to get help and heal, leaving the door open for reconciliation, but financially it frees them of obligation for their own bills. Legal separation can also mean child support.Can you imagine Jesus expecting her to take abuse when the husband is told to love the wife as Christ loves the Church?
Maybe it would wake him up to his need for help.

If you were referring to the situation I mentioned, the husband was the 'victim', not the wife. (There was no physical abuse, only extreme financial burden, and emotional and verbal 'abuse'.) I didn't mention this part of this situation before, but she also wanted nothing to do with their children - she totally abandoned them as well, seeking relationships with them only years later, when they were adults. She paid nothing for their care.

Actually. I was referring to the original story- sorry.