covering the grave

[justme]

my area has a practice of covering the grave at the grave side service. everyone who is close to the family, is given the option of putting a few shovels full of ground on the grave. mom always says it helps w closure. she doesn't like just putting the casket in the grave and walking away, letting it uncovered.

my brother's neighbor and family was at the funeral this past thursday. his son, who was one of clarence's buddies, participated in covering the grave. he said to my brother, "that was powerful. do you always do that? "

that was an honest question, because they are close enough that they were invited there for lunch today after church. which was a really nice thing to do.

so of course, then i start to think. i don't know, do other groups of anabaptists in other areas of the country have the same practice of covering the grave? is it just central pa with all the amish influence? why is it done? what would be gained or lost if that practice was discontinued?

[QuietlyListening]

In VA, the church my in laws belonged to did something like this- at both my father in law and mother in law's funerals the sons, grandsons and some close church members basically covered the casket with dirt. They took turns, about 2 at a time.

[Josh]

It is an Amish thing that is a relic of not having things like an excavator or skid steer to move all the dirt.

[Szdfan]

We did it at both of my maternal grandparents' funerals, though that was in Delaware (so maybe PA Amish influence?) We didn't do it at my paternal grandparents' funerals in Florida, though they were originally Indiana Amish.

I've never seen it happen at any of the funerals I officiated in Colorado.

I agree with you, it's an incredibly powerful ritual.

[Josh]

Russian Mennonites don’t do this at all, so in Holdeman circles whether or not it’s done depends on how much Amish influence your congregation has. So here in Ohio it is done but in California it is not. (In Cali some churches just use the town cemetery. In Ohio and PA it is unthinkable to not have a cemetery at the church house.)

[Soloist]

Every Mennonite funeral I've been to has done this.

[MaxPC]

Prayers for your sorrow.

In the UK, many family members and friends toss a handful of dirt onto the casket once it is in the grave. In America, I have seen this continued either with a handful or shovel full of dirt. It is indeed a powerful act of finality and closure.

[Neto]

I expect that this was done by nearly every group before modern equipment became available, but it seems to me that there is more to it than that. In my experiences before coming into the Beachy environment, the grave was closed by unseen workers after everyone had left. Someone who didn't know the deceased. I appreciated the "honesty" of the dirt pile in plain view (not covered up with artificial turf), and the family and friends honoring their friend and relative by doing this basic task. Recognizing the reality of death, not attempting to "sugar-coat it".

Josh mentions that "Russian Mennonites" don't do this. That coincides with my experience, but I'll try to find out how it was done in the past. Certainly in the colonies there would not have been any total strangers around who would be hired to cover the casket. One personal family related comment - My great grandfather's grave was moved, probably around 20 or so years after his death. From what I heard about this from my mom and others of the family, it was done by family, and they actually opened the casket, only to see nothing but dirt.

There is, however, a common practice in Russian Mennonite circles that my wife (Amish family until 12, then Beachy) considered shocking - it was common to take photos of the dead, in their casket. I did when my grandpa died, when I was 17. I also have an old family photo of one of my great grandfathers in his casket, an 8 x 10 framed photograph taken by a professional photographer.

[ohio jones]

I've seen this done in SE PA and in IL, among Mennonites with Amish ancestry. I actually have no idea how it's done here at a Mennonite cemetery, as I can't recall ever being to a graveside service. It is not done here at Catholic or community cemeteries.

[RZehr]

We’ve always done it in Oregon as described in the op. Immediate family takes a turn shoveling first, then extended family and close family friends, then other church people. Usually we have about four shoveling at the same time. Even very small children may take a turn. It is very solemn. Each person decided when to take a turn and when to pass their shovel on to the next person.

We also hand dig the grave. However, here at my current location the ground is so hard and rocky, I don’t think we will hand dig it. I think we will just hand fill it.

I just recently finally finished the process of getting an official cemetery at our new church. Quite an application process and community feedback, and then getting it all surveyed and recorded.