Yes. It is nearly universal that children go to a church school. (If missionaries and the mission is too small to establish even a tiny school, then the mission board will send a teacher for that mission family.) The only exception is (a) someone with very severe special needs where a public school can provide better services, and (b) a family has decided to move to a new area and there are no other Holdeman families nearby and other congregations/schools are well over an hour away. Even then, it would be preferred to try to find an experienced teacher to come in and as part of establishing a new settlement/church, get a school established too.
Yes, I mean that I would not hold a standard that basically creates a wall of separation between me and everyone else. An example would be insisting my family not use WhatsApp. Another would be deciding we should wear more plain clothes, eg if I decided my sons should be wearing broadfalls and suspenders.I think you have indicated that there is a range of behavior in the Holdeman church. I assume that you are ok with parents holding to the more conservative side of the group if they wish, as long as they don't insist on something that even the conservatives aren't doing?
Yes, there are conservatives, middle of the road folks, and fence pushers. "Conservatives" are relatively rare. People who get ordained tend to try to become more conservative particularly in matters of how they raise they children. A ordained man whose children are the more wild ones will be looked down on. Nearly all people are middle of the road.In most OO and ultra-CA churches, there are the conservatives, the middle of the road folks, and the fence pushers. (And some folks in between.)
There is some migration between the groups, (a conservative teen might not like always being on the conservative side and heads for the middle or the fence; or a person in a fence pushing family or middle of the road wants something more principled than what his parents gave him and ends up as a conservative). But in general, the next generation typically ends up about where their parents and grandparent's are/were.
Families in transitional churches don't have this luxury, as they often need to change churches if they want their children to end up at about the same place as themselves.
I have so far existed in a few of the more "conservative" congregations, where fence-pushers are not very popular and in particular don't have an easy time in the youth. From narratives I have had of more "wild" congregations, the youth group would tend to diverge into the "saints, the sinners, and the singers". The "sinners" are expected to eventually be expelled / choose to leave the church (although some might eventually repent and return). The bulk of people are the "singers", who try to be middle of the road, but sometimes have struggles. A key distinction is that they don't think their struggles (such as eg with listening to music, taking photos, watching movies, and so on) are areas the church should be allowing.
There is a bit of an animus against overly "conservative" families, particularly if it is paired with a father who is angry or controlling. It is expected that all children rebel a bit and then see a need to repent and choose to live a more Christian life. A household where children are obedient because they live in a state of fear is not considered a good thing and can actually be an impediment to a Christian life.
I suspect that other OO groups are somewhat similar, and I also suspect that other stable Russian Mennonite groups (Kleine Gemeinde perhaps?) operate in a very similar way.