What they wore

[Soloist]

I hope that these statistics you’re imagining are actually true for the women in your life.

It is not absurd to think that a family of six would have at least one daughter that is molested. It’s not at all unusual for a girl to have been touched over the clothing against her will by at least one person. Sometimes it’s peers their own age, sometimes it’s very brief, but non the less, I doubt anyone likes being grabbed in the crotch or breasts by someone who was definitely not invited or encouraged to do so. It’s also not unusual for girls to be touched under their clothing by someone. And the amount of young teen girls who are groomed into sexual relationships with men twice their age is atrocious.

If you ask a woman if she’s ever been sexually abused she might often say no, but if you start asking questions like the following you are likely to get a more accurate response.
- “has anyone ever grabbed you in ‘specific area’ without you wanting them to do that?”
- “has anyone ever touched you beneath your clothing in a sexual way when you were under the age of 13?”
- “have you been touched inappropriately by someone more than 4 years older than you when you were below the age of 16?”

As I said above, I hope you’re right about this happening far less than the ‘one in six’ that we commonly hear. At the same time, I can’t help but wonder if the women in your life have ever been honest with you about their experiences. Because I when I have real, raw, honest, discussions with women about this subject I find the numbers are worse than 1 in 6.

I've had similar discussions with men. The men however get laughed at and told they wanted it. To point out that clothing matters, a man wearing a kilt gets grabbed at a much higher rate then without.

[Szdfan]

I've had similar discussions with men. The men however get laughed at and told they wanted it. To point out that clothing matters, a man wearing a kilt gets grabbed at a much higher rate then without.

While it happens a lot more frequently with women, men can also be sexually abused and assaulted.

[nett]

I've had similar discussions with men. The men however get laughed at and told they wanted it. To point out that clothing matters, a man wearing a kilt gets grabbed at a much higher rate then without.

While it happens a lot more frequently with women, men can also be sexually abused and assaulted.

To apply your own standard back to you, that's a made up statistic. The only thing you can actually say is that men report assault much less frequently than women, probably because of the social stigma that soloist pointed out.

[Szdfan]

I've had similar discussions with men. The men however get laughed at and told they wanted it. To point out that clothing matters, a man wearing a kilt gets grabbed at a much higher rate then without.

While it happens a lot more frequently with women, men can also be sexually abused and assaulted.

To apply your own standard back to you, that's a made up statistic. The only thing you can actually say is that men report assault much less frequently than women, probably because of the social stigma that soloist pointed out.

Um, ok. I can live with that.

[Josh]

It is not absurd to think that a family of six would have at least one daughter that is molested. It’s not at all unusual for a girl to have been touched over the clothing against her will by at least one person. Sometimes it’s peers their own age, sometimes it’s very brief, but non the less, I doubt anyone likes being grabbed in the crotch or breasts by someone who was definitely not invited or encouraged to do so. It’s also not unusual for girls to be touched under their clothing by someone.

That’s a rather dumb definition of “molested”. By that standard, I’ve been molested.

I’m not sure what “invited or encouraged to do so” has to do with anything either. We believe no sexual contact should take place outside of marriage. Everyone is safer that way.

Let’s limit our discussion to actual sexual assaults.

And the amount of young teen girls who are groomed into sexual relationships with men twice their age is atrocious.

In plain circles? Exactly how often does that happen? (I know of a handful of cases in my own circles but it is not common at all, and the people involved were all over 18 - they were expelled by the church but obviously nothing illegal happened.)

To prevent “grooming”, again, no sexual contact should take place outside of marriage. Men shouldn’t be spending time alone with younger girls who aren’t their own family.

If you ask a woman if she’s ever been sexually abused she might often say no, but if you start asking questions like the following you are likely to get a more accurate response.
- “has anyone ever grabbed you in ‘specific area’ without you wanting them to do that?”
- “has anyone ever touched you beneath your clothing in a sexual way when you were under the age of 13?”
- “have you been touched inappropriately by someone more than 4 years older than you when you were below the age of 16?”

Since I’m not a creep, I don’t go around talking to women like that.

As I said above, I hope you’re right about this happening far less than the ‘one in six’ that we commonly hear. At the same time, I can’t help but wonder if the women in your life have ever been honest with you about their experiences. Because I when I have real, raw, honest, discussions with women about this subject I find the numbers are worse than 1 in 6.

Extremely honest. As I pointed out earlier, some women collect any gossip they hear about such things and have a very good idea of where and with whom any sexual assaults are happening. It is not close to 1 in 6. It is much more like 1 in 200 people are predators and how many victims they have entirely depends on how much access they have and whether they get caught.

For what it’s worth, I have as much records, gossip, and rumours of boys being sexually assaulted as girls. Predators are “equal opportunity” offenders.

[justme]

it is obvious to me that josh is not a safe person to confide in regarding any sexual abuse

reminds me of the time years ago that an md poster said he WOULD KNOW if there was any abuse going on in his church
he found out he was wrong.

[Szdfan]

it is obvious to me that josh is not a safe person to confide in regarding any sexual abuse

Yeah, I’ve had the same thought.

[Soloist]

I doubt anyone would confide in me, most of my experience comes from manning a SAPR call line in the military and the training I had.

I've personally heard of 1-2 cases in each one of the churches we attended. All of them involved the authorities and were handled, although the older one was not handled well.

That being said, these statistics take a leap to calculate how many women do not report the abuse and likewise do the same for men. Generally though, men rarely report resulting in more uncertainty regarding true amounts.

[steve-in-kville]

In Pennsylvania there something like six levels of sexual assault ranging from "indecent" to full on forcible rape. The lowest can be a simple "summons" (same as a traffic ticket), next are various misdemeanors, followed by maybe three levels of felonies. There gets to be a lot of hair splitting when the police or a DA determines what falls where.

I could smack a male coworker on the rear end with a folded magazine and that could be interpreted as assault (provided he didn't like it )

[Soloist]

I could smack a male coworker on the rear end with a folded magazine and that could be interpreted as assault (provided he didn't like it )

Would you ever think of doing this to a female? this is part of the issue with men. There are underlying assumptions that its okay to sexually harass a male because, it was just a joke he just needs to relax. While I never made an issue of someone coming up behind me and getting against me, it was sexual harassment that was laughed off. The bar (not that we should go there) has multiple situations of women groping men and laughing if they protest.
Go ahead and call the cops, they politely listen and snicker.
Try the reverse and see what happens.