Please tell me why?

[mike]

A friend with eleven children told me she disliked telling early because so many people were critical of timing or numbers. It was like "casting pearls before swine," she said. Shame on US for ever making a pregnant woman feel that way.

Our first two children were born less than a year apart, and our deacon's wife at the time made sure to instruct my wife on the facts of life. Needless to say she was the last person we cared to inform about subsequent pregnancies.

[steve-in-kville]

Our first two children were born less than a year apart, and our deacon's wife at the time made sure to instruct my wife on the facts of life. Needless to say she was the last person we cared to inform about subsequent pregnancies.

That's just insulting.

[steve-in-kville]

The last few years we spent in a conservative setting really opened my eyes. It sad how a group of people that act so holy and pious and treat each other like total trash.

[mike]

The last few years we spent in a conservative setting really opened my eyes. It sad how a group of people that act so holy and pious and treat each other like total trash.

We were in a Charity church at the time which was and still is headed in a (relatively speaking) liberal direction. Treating people badly is not a monopoly of conservative churches. I wouldn't pin rudeness on a group as a whole; one outspoken person doesn't really represent the group necessarily.

[mercysfree]

It isn't conservatives or even church people's rudeness in general so much as that Christians have been infected with the wider American anti-family values. We say we believe children are a blessing from God. Well, we ought to greet them accordingly.

[Josh]

In times past, not speaking of pregnancies was a rather common thing in America and in European countries too. Some plain people seem to have held on to this tradition.

[mike]

It isn't conservatives or even church people's rudeness in general so much as that Christians have been infected with the wider American anti-family values. We say we believe children are a blessing from God. Well, we ought to greet them accordingly.

I agree. As birth control has become cheap, easy, and readily available, many among even the more conservative groups such as the Amish and Old Order Mennonites have chosen to size their families smaller. I think what you say about changing values has a lot of truth in it.

[QuietObserver]

It isn't conservatives or even church people's rudeness in general so much as that Christians have been infected with the wider American anti-family values. We say we believe children are a blessing from God. Well, we ought to greet them accordingly.

My parents and siblings chose to have smaller families. I likely will continue the tradition. That doesn't mean we don't value children. Everyone is excited when there's a new baby in the family. I don't think that waiting until a mother feels ready for another child means that they don't love children.

I get weary of large families judging small families and vice versa.

[ragpicker]

I get weary of large families judging small families and vice versa.

"Let God plan your family size" they say. Until you have 7 miscarriages. Then it's "try this" and "try that", up to, and including very expensive, very invasive medical procedures. I discovered very, very few of these people believe in letting God plan their family size. They believe large families are more Godly, but making it sound like it's about surrender to God and trusting God sounds better than "large families are more Godly". The lie that it's about surrender and faith is so pervasive, I have zero respect for that phraseology. I assume, and I am probably at least 95% accurate, it's a cover for the "large families are more Godly" belief.

I'll always remember the shock when Andrew H. moved from Michigan to NC with his tribe of 12 children, and upon hearing our situation, sighed and expressed his compassion, then added an encouragement to trust God, whether that results in 12 children (him), or 1 (us). The man was one of the very, very few who believed what he said about trusting God for your family size, and I respect him for it.

You never know the truth behind that "trust God with your family size" business until you can only have one child. Then, if you're paying attention, the hollowness of it is revealed. Disgusting, that's what it is.

If you sense an edge to my words here, you're right. But not from pain. I never felt pain related to this, only disgust. I hate the false burden that was imposed on so many people through this farce. I hate the lie it was (and is). I hate the pious pretentiousness behind the phoniness. Something never set right with me about it from my youth up, and then when we had our troubles, to actually discover the truth behind it? Still makes me spit.

[mike]

"Let God plan your family size" they say. Until you have 7 miscarriages. Then it's "try this" and "try that", up to, and including very expensive, very invasive medical procedures. I discovered very, very few of these people believe in letting God plan their family size. They believe large families are more Godly, but making it sound like it's about surrender to God and trusting God sounds better than "large families are more Godly". The lie that it's about surrender and faith is so pervasive, I have zero respect for that phraseology. I assume, and I am probably at least 95% accurate, it's a cover for the "large families are more Godly" belief.

My position is not that large families are inherently more Godly or that birth control is always sin. My primary position is that children should be viewed as a blessing. A secondary position that I hold, and it is more of a theory than a position, is that family sizes are primarily decreasing everywhere due to selfish reasons. Clearly this is a generality, not a judgment on every situation.

I have recommended the use of birth control in certain circumstances. I also don't fault someone for using fertility treatments to a certain extent anyway. For my wife and I it really has been about surrender and faith. Just like it has been for friends of ours who were childless for 14 years and then were surprised with a son. We feel much in common with those who through no fault of their own struggle with childlessness or severe reproductive health issues; we all deal with the need to trust God and have faith in his goodness.

Of course everyone always says they consider children blessings. Even when they have "accidents." I'm sure that once they are born they are not considered accidents, and they are wanted. But I think it says something about us when we consider a gift from God to be an inconvenience and an accident.