I would like perspective on how to handle divorce in family situations.
For the purpose of this scenario, all the people involved were in Conservative Mennonite churches.
Susan marries Henry.
Peter marries Anna.
They all end up leaving their Conservative churches and stop attending church. Their parents and siblings stay in their respective churches. The churches did not take action on their departures and are far enough removed they aren't involved with any of them any more.
Susan ends up in infidelity with Peter. They both divorce their spouses and assume a more permanent relationship with each other.
They get married and have a child together.
Would you attend their wedding? As a parent? As a sibling? As an aunt/uncle/cousin? As a friend? (In other words, does it matter how you are related to the situation as to how you would approach this?)
Would you invite them over? Would you accept an invitation from Peter and Susan to visit their home? As a parent? As a sibling? As an aunt/uncle/cousin? As a friend?
Would you interact on Facebook or other social media?
Would you attend a bridal shower? Baby shower? Be involved with the baby?
What if the other family of Susan or Peter had an opposite reaction than you about any of this?
Divorce question
Divorce question
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Re: Divorce question
I would say no to all questions. Would not interact at all with any of them.
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Re: Divorce question
I suppose a few questions are in order
Does the original Mennonite church take any kind of stance on their membership (putting them on repentance, excommunication, reaching out to them to try to restore them to fellowship and so forth)? If so, I would practice the biblical avoidance (but always with an eye towards trying to restore a fallen brother or sister). If not, you are kind of stuck having to decide to disfellowship them on your own.
Another question is if they have shown any repentance at all for being unfaithful to their spouse. In my own view and my denomination's view, the marriage bond is broken with Henry and Anna and they are both free to move on with their lives. Lots of conservative Mennonites would feel a bit differently. Some would want to see Henry and Anna reconciled with their original spouses. Some ultra conservative groups (Eastern, some Nationwide, German Baptist Brethren, and so forth) would not even want that and would just want them to stay single permanently.
I assume nobody had children with their original spouses, so the only child involved is the one of the new union.
Here is what I would do. Other conservative Mennonites might feel a bit differently.
I would endeavour to visit with them and encourage them to repent, or at least to make some kind of amends / admit their wrong for adultery. This is out of concern for precious souls and because the Bible teaches us no adulterer will be found in the kingdom of heaven, not out of some desire to shame them or make them feel bad.
I would visit them in their home, but would ensure the conversation always steered towards spiritual matters. If the above thing is not resolved, I would continue to encourage them to make amends and repent. Eventually, such conduct often results in no more invitations to come over. Regardless of friend, family member, sibling, etc.
I don't "friend" people on Facebook and would probably avoid such a social media interaction in particular in this case.
I would not attend the bridal shower (regardless of the fact I'm a man).
I would not attend the wedding service if it were presented as a religious service as I feel that makes a mockery of a worship service. If it were extremely secular, with a secular wedding celebrant, I might consider attending, but only if I can think of a compelling reason to do so that would advance the kingdom of heaven.
I would feel less discomfort with just attending the reception or perhaps stopping by and dropping off a gift and saying hello to a few people there.
I would attend the baby shower (well, other than the fact I'm a man), if it's the woman's first baby. I would be involved with the baby. It's not the baby's fault. In fact I would go out of the way to make sure the child is involved in church activities, invited to VBS, and consider getting them in the church school.
In my experience, many otherwise God-fearing conservative Mennonites will simply choose clan and family over godliness when a divorce or adultery happens, and have endless excuses why it's OK. Sometimes if those people are no longer plain, they will act like you should just accept them like someone who chooses to leave a plain church and go to a mainstream evangelical church as if that somehow excuses the infidelity. I have had to deal with this before and it's frankly maddening.
Overall, an Anabaptist church's leadership should be dealing with this and ensure people who have fallen into grievous sin are subjected to loving church discipline, guided in how to repent, and ultimately excommunication from the church fellowship if they are spiritually dead. There should always be an objective to find a way for them to return.
If these people were in my own church fellowship, Susan and/or Peter would be expected to separate from their marriage and figure out how to raise their child otherwise. They would also be expected to release Henry & Anna and not necessarily expect either of them to reconcile with them, although it would be an option. Otherwise, Susan and/or Peter would never be permitted to get married against to someone else, barring Henry and/or Anna's death plus Susan or Peter's death. If they refuse to do do those things and be restored to church fellowship, then the rest of the church membership would be entirely justified in holding the avoidance. Generally speaking, we would be discouraged from attending such a wedding, but it would not be strictly prohibited.
Does the original Mennonite church take any kind of stance on their membership (putting them on repentance, excommunication, reaching out to them to try to restore them to fellowship and so forth)? If so, I would practice the biblical avoidance (but always with an eye towards trying to restore a fallen brother or sister). If not, you are kind of stuck having to decide to disfellowship them on your own.
Another question is if they have shown any repentance at all for being unfaithful to their spouse. In my own view and my denomination's view, the marriage bond is broken with Henry and Anna and they are both free to move on with their lives. Lots of conservative Mennonites would feel a bit differently. Some would want to see Henry and Anna reconciled with their original spouses. Some ultra conservative groups (Eastern, some Nationwide, German Baptist Brethren, and so forth) would not even want that and would just want them to stay single permanently.
I assume nobody had children with their original spouses, so the only child involved is the one of the new union.
Here is what I would do. Other conservative Mennonites might feel a bit differently.
I would endeavour to visit with them and encourage them to repent, or at least to make some kind of amends / admit their wrong for adultery. This is out of concern for precious souls and because the Bible teaches us no adulterer will be found in the kingdom of heaven, not out of some desire to shame them or make them feel bad.
I would visit them in their home, but would ensure the conversation always steered towards spiritual matters. If the above thing is not resolved, I would continue to encourage them to make amends and repent. Eventually, such conduct often results in no more invitations to come over. Regardless of friend, family member, sibling, etc.
I don't "friend" people on Facebook and would probably avoid such a social media interaction in particular in this case.
I would not attend the bridal shower (regardless of the fact I'm a man).
I would not attend the wedding service if it were presented as a religious service as I feel that makes a mockery of a worship service. If it were extremely secular, with a secular wedding celebrant, I might consider attending, but only if I can think of a compelling reason to do so that would advance the kingdom of heaven.
I would feel less discomfort with just attending the reception or perhaps stopping by and dropping off a gift and saying hello to a few people there.
I would attend the baby shower (well, other than the fact I'm a man), if it's the woman's first baby. I would be involved with the baby. It's not the baby's fault. In fact I would go out of the way to make sure the child is involved in church activities, invited to VBS, and consider getting them in the church school.
In my experience, many otherwise God-fearing conservative Mennonites will simply choose clan and family over godliness when a divorce or adultery happens, and have endless excuses why it's OK. Sometimes if those people are no longer plain, they will act like you should just accept them like someone who chooses to leave a plain church and go to a mainstream evangelical church as if that somehow excuses the infidelity. I have had to deal with this before and it's frankly maddening.
Overall, an Anabaptist church's leadership should be dealing with this and ensure people who have fallen into grievous sin are subjected to loving church discipline, guided in how to repent, and ultimately excommunication from the church fellowship if they are spiritually dead. There should always be an objective to find a way for them to return.
If these people were in my own church fellowship, Susan and/or Peter would be expected to separate from their marriage and figure out how to raise their child otherwise. They would also be expected to release Henry & Anna and not necessarily expect either of them to reconcile with them, although it would be an option. Otherwise, Susan and/or Peter would never be permitted to get married against to someone else, barring Henry and/or Anna's death plus Susan or Peter's death. If they refuse to do do those things and be restored to church fellowship, then the rest of the church membership would be entirely justified in holding the avoidance. Generally speaking, we would be discouraged from attending such a wedding, but it would not be strictly prohibited.
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Re: Divorce question
Shouldn't we consider how to try to win a fallen brother back, though? Even if they have fallen into very grievous sin?
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Re: Divorce question
In this situation im not sure what exactly “trying to win” them back would look like. If I attend the wedding it makes it seem like i endorse the behavior and view the wedding as legitimate. The couple certainly knows this is a grave sin with terrible worldly consequences ( they cheated on each other… they will probably do it again, resulting in even more heartbreak ). Unless they came to me/my church i would not interact if im also going to just divert it into a sermon on why adultery is bad.
I have also never seen any “winning back” ever done successfully by chasing the ex-members when they clearly want to leave and engage in sin. Id prefer non-interaction and stay a high moral example.
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Re: Divorce question
To add clarity, this is being asked because family/friends are dealing with this because Susan and Peter are outside the church at this point.
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Re: Divorce question
While I would not attend the wedding regardless, much of the following decision requires knowing if they still identify as Christians or if they rejected Christianity entirely.
If you read the passage that Paul is writing about, he speaks of not having anything to do with a so-called brother, but he doesn’t make that distinction about Nonbelievers.
If you read the passage that Paul is writing about, he speaks of not having anything to do with a so-called brother, but he doesn’t make that distinction about Nonbelievers.
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Re: Divorce question
From indications of social media posts, Susan makes a profession and believes God is blessing her.Soloist wrote: ↑Sat May 16, 2026 6:49 pm While I would not attend the wedding regardless, much of the following decision requires knowing if they still identify as Christians or if they rejected Christianity entirely.
If you read the passage that Paul is writing about, he speaks of not having anything to do with a so-called brother, but he doesn’t make that distinction about Nonbelievers.
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Re: Divorce question
Wife: Soloist showed me the thread and asked me my opinion. Sounds like we are both of similar opinions, but I just decided to make my own post.
so the whole divorce and remarriage thing is a little bit wobbly for me, but from what you’re saying, they committed infidelity together while still married to their former spouses. Even in the evangelical world, that would be considered adultery.
I think that the children should be treated like any other nieces/nephews/grandchildren would, and I don’t personally know how I would feel about family gatherings. I certainly wouldn’t approve of/endorse their marriage when it started on blatant adultery, but I suggest you should pray about how to relate with them.
My sibling remarried after their spouse cheated on them, and I told them what we believe on divorce and remarriage, and what the other views were in regard to exception clauses, and that they need to prayerfully make their own decision. We were not comfortable going to the wedding, but it didn’t change how we treated them or their spouse or how we will eventually treat any children that come from that marriage. That was a less clear cut sounding situation though, but definitely try to have a relationship with any of the children, and pray about the rest of it.
so the whole divorce and remarriage thing is a little bit wobbly for me, but from what you’re saying, they committed infidelity together while still married to their former spouses. Even in the evangelical world, that would be considered adultery.
I think that the children should be treated like any other nieces/nephews/grandchildren would, and I don’t personally know how I would feel about family gatherings. I certainly wouldn’t approve of/endorse their marriage when it started on blatant adultery, but I suggest you should pray about how to relate with them.
My sibling remarried after their spouse cheated on them, and I told them what we believe on divorce and remarriage, and what the other views were in regard to exception clauses, and that they need to prayerfully make their own decision. We were not comfortable going to the wedding, but it didn’t change how we treated them or their spouse or how we will eventually treat any children that come from that marriage. That was a less clear cut sounding situation though, but definitely try to have a relationship with any of the children, and pray about the rest of it.
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Re: Divorce question
On the attendance piece:
A wedding is a celebration, aming there things it might be. It is a joyful moment, with certain people invited. The people chosen are normally people who the couple are asking to come celebrate with them.
In some circles, it is further viewed that as a witness to the ceremony, the attendees are bestowing their approval, or even their blessing on the event. It is not typically a sensible or normal thing to do, to invite someone to a wedding (or another event) where that person does not approve of what is going on, and may sit there with a sad or dour or judgmental spirit. Thats not what the typical wedding is looking for in guests.
When it comes to family, there may be a certain level of obligation to attend, and/or a certain level of obligation on the bride and grooms part to extend an invitation. In these cases, these customary obligations are in tension with the stated norm above regarding festive and approving and celabratory atmospheres and that are wanted at a wedding.
Personally, I have decided that if it is a wedding taking place where I believe is in conflict with God’s instruction for marriage, I won’t go. Nor will I congratulate them. If it is a marriage where I am uncomfortable with the choice and decision for marriage, but it is not in direct conflict with biblical teaching, I may possibly go if I feel led to do so. Discomfort and skepticism on my part, is not the same for me as witnessing/celebrating/blessing a sinful commitment that brings sadness to God and shame to the ceremony. I don’t want to be a part of that.and it makes me no difference if they claim to be Christians, if they are my family, or if they are not Christians, or may be only my coworkers. Wrong is wrong, and I don’t need to show my support by attending.
A wedding is a celebration, aming there things it might be. It is a joyful moment, with certain people invited. The people chosen are normally people who the couple are asking to come celebrate with them.
In some circles, it is further viewed that as a witness to the ceremony, the attendees are bestowing their approval, or even their blessing on the event. It is not typically a sensible or normal thing to do, to invite someone to a wedding (or another event) where that person does not approve of what is going on, and may sit there with a sad or dour or judgmental spirit. Thats not what the typical wedding is looking for in guests.
When it comes to family, there may be a certain level of obligation to attend, and/or a certain level of obligation on the bride and grooms part to extend an invitation. In these cases, these customary obligations are in tension with the stated norm above regarding festive and approving and celabratory atmospheres and that are wanted at a wedding.
Personally, I have decided that if it is a wedding taking place where I believe is in conflict with God’s instruction for marriage, I won’t go. Nor will I congratulate them. If it is a marriage where I am uncomfortable with the choice and decision for marriage, but it is not in direct conflict with biblical teaching, I may possibly go if I feel led to do so. Discomfort and skepticism on my part, is not the same for me as witnessing/celebrating/blessing a sinful commitment that brings sadness to God and shame to the ceremony. I don’t want to be a part of that.and it makes me no difference if they claim to be Christians, if they are my family, or if they are not Christians, or may be only my coworkers. Wrong is wrong, and I don’t need to show my support by attending.
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