covering the grave

[Szdfan]

A Muslim woman giving a tour told us that when a cemetery gets crowded, they take out the old bones and put the newly dead into the grave. Struck me as somewhat disrespectful.

Some places in Europe do this too. Can you imagine how much land would be devoted to cemeteries if every grave from a thousand years or more ago would be preserved?

Germany does this. They just don't have the room

[wesleyb]

You are talking about which practice of barnhart - Grandchildren covering the grave; Or, covering the feet first?

Family covering the grave.

Wesleyb is a much better source as he grew up there, my experience is limited to my grandfather's funeral.

Actually, in your grandfather’s case the practice came from the church he was attending at the time of his death. I was in charge of the cemetery where he was buried and the morning of the funeral I got a call from a trustee of his church asking if there were shovels available to close the grave. We didn’t have them so they supplied their own. That church had some from Beachy Amish background, including the man who called me, which agrees with DanZ’s observation above.

[appleman2006]

This subject is about as real and raw to me right now as it could be as I was a pallbearer at my brother-in-laws’s funeral just 2 days ago.
In our home area old order Mennonite churches have a practise of hand digging the graves and then filling them in almost completely at a public burial just prior to the funeral service. I had witnessed this a few times at some of my wife’s relative’s funerals or other neighbours. In the rest of the Mennonite world in this area including the black car Mennonites the closing of the grave happens after the people and family leaves. The casket is let down with a mechanical system surrounded by green artificial turf so that you do not see any dirt at all. Some families choose to put flowers on the casket just before it is lowered as a figurative last sign of love and respect.
My mother talks of memories of funerals from here childhood where she was traumatized at the sound of clods of ground hitting the casket as they closed the grave. I do remember one family from our church years ago choosing to fill at least part of their father’s grave but at that point it was considered a strange thing to do in our circles.
I was somewhat dreading the experience this past Sunday as it was so different from what I was used to. However I was very impressed with the amount of detailed instructions we were given of exactly how to position our hands as we let down the casket. He also cautioned us to be very careful as we started filling the grave to first very gently fill in the sides and then also to carefully almost lay the ground in until the cover was covered. The ground was a very nice almost sandy texture and it filled in very nicely. After only a short while others came and took our shovels and others replaced them until in about 10 minutes the site was filled in. Those in charge helped to finish it off leaving a very nicely almost manicured mound where my sister and her children and her and his parents and his one sister each placed a rose on the mound. It was very well orchestrated with a large tent set up next to the grave to help against the bitterly cold wind. A large group of young people that had come all the way from Faith Mission Home in Virginia and from Calvary Bible School sang as the grave was being filled. I went away not necessarily thinking their practise was better than the one I had grown up with but at the same time with an understanding of why if you were used to that it would be a way to bring closure..
In this case due to my deep respect and love for my brother-in-law it was an honour to be able to do my part in helping to very respectfully lay his body to rest.
But just writing this makes me realize again how much we will all miss him. If you think of it say a prayer for my sister Laurel and her children as well as his parents. Life will be very different for them.

[temporal1]

.. Life will be very different for them.

yes.

[JimFoxvog]

Muslim and Jewish burials are similar; they don’t believe in embalming. They just put the body directly in the ground.

Considering how outrageous funeral services are, there is wisdom in this method.

This is what I've requested. The modern name is "green burials". I just think of it as natural and old-fashioned.

[RZehr]

I don't care if I'm embalmed or not. I like the idea of not, just from the simplistic side. I don't really care about the "green" aspect to it one way or another. I'd like to be buried in a plain, homemade plywood box.

[Biblical Anabaptist]

A Muslim woman giving a tour told us that when a cemetery gets crowded, they take out the old bones and put the newly dead into the grave. Struck me as somewhat disrespectful.

Some places in Europe do this too. Can you imagine how much land would be devoted to cemeteries if every grave from a thousand years or more ago would be preserved?

Germany does this. They just don't have the room

In some large cities in the US they bury 2-3 deep. Folks speak of someone being buried on top of someone else.

[Josh]

I don't care if I'm embalmed or not. I like the idea of not, just from the simplistic side. I don't really care about the "green" aspect to it one way or another. I'd like to be buried in a plain, homemade plywood box.

I feel the same way, but doing so may involve a bit of effort on my part. There is a “green” cemetery near me but it would be our custom to be buried in the church graveyard.

[MaxPC]

But just writing this makes me realize again how much we will all miss him. If you think of it say a prayer for my sister Laurel and her children as well as his parents. Life will be very different for them.

Lifting you all in prayer. I am sorry for your loss of a beloved family member.

Muslim and Jewish burials are similar; they don’t believe in embalming. They just put the body directly in the ground.

Considering how outrageous funeral services are, there is wisdom in this method.

A number of Catholic monastic orders refuse embalming as well. The body is wrapped in a shroud and placed in the ground with no casket nor embalming.

[justme]

i was not able to force myself to help cover the grave when my dad died. i couldn't.

and with clarence, there wasn't a question. my mobility won't allow it. so i didn't have to search myself as to whether i wanted to help cover or not. i'm not sure that i could have, even if i could have.

there's times i think that by not participating in the full service, i'm denying to myself that it has happened. when folks say the ritual is meaningful, it certainly is. even just observing.


someone in this thread made the comment about being traumatized by the clods of dirt hitting the casket. around here, there is no throwing of dirt. the ground is placed with each shovelful. i'm very thankful for that.