Race in America: The Marital Counselor Analogy

[Bootstrap]

A man and his wife walked into a marital counselor's office. The counselor asked, "So, Mr. and Mrs. Jenkins, what can I help you with"?

Mrs. Jenkins said, "There are lots of problems in our relationship, going way back. But I'm not even sure that my husband is willing to listen and work these things out with me. At the very least, I don't know how to explain these things to him, and I don't think he is taking me seriously. All of our friends can see the tension between us, but he doesn't."

Mr. Jenkins responded, "That's ridiculous. She's perfectly happy, she just likes to complain, she enjoys the attention. That's the only reason we fight."

I'm no marital counselor, but I think these two have a lot to work through. With each other. Not trying to make sure all of their friends support them and see the spouse in the same unflattering light. And they are going to have to learn to identify with each other and accept each other, each doing their own part.

Here's how this relates to race in America: I'm pretty sure that racial tensions exist in America. I'm pretty sure there are some real issues. What we don't usually have is a marital counselor to help us talk these things through and listen to each other. A counselor that won't let us fix the blame on the other, but requires each of us to listen to the other with empathetic curiosity and own our own behavior.

[Josh]

A marital counsellor usually doesn’t let one spouse blame 100% of its problems on the other and then hold one spouse to be at fault for the other spouse’s bad behaviour.

[steve-in-kville]

A marital counsellor usually doesn’t let one spouse blame 100% of its problems on the other and then hold one spouse to be at fault for the other spouse’s bad behaviour.

Two things:

1- It takes two to fight, as Josh alluded to.

2- I have a love/hate relationship with marriage counseling, especially in a conservative setting, again for the reasons alluded to.

As far as the racial aspect, I see the parallel.

[Josh]

Note that “marriage counselling” is almost wholly ineffective as far as preventing divorces, etc.; one might as well see a psychic or consult a magic 8-ball.

[temporal1]

A marital counsellor usually doesn’t let one spouse blame 100% of its problems on the other and then hold one spouse to be at fault for the other spouse’s bad behaviour.

Two things:

1- It takes two to fight, as Josh alluded to.

2- I have a love/hate relationship with marriage counseling, especially in a conservative setting, again for the reasons alluded to.

As far as the racial aspect, I see the parallel.

Also, marriage counselors don’t attempt to counsel the entire community (or country) as if there was 1 problem common to all, 1 solution. They don’t assign guilt and responsibility to the great-great grandchildren of the identified errant ones, long passed away.

Many in the country disagreed with laws and “put their money where their mouths were” to change them, also in varied ways.

i appreciate the interest in trying to find a simple analogy to address the problem. It doesn’t work (for me).
An analogy that ends with nicely stating, “agree with me, or you’re wrong.”

God is central for all, no exceptions.

For many, THOMAS SOWELL is an (earthly) default on this topic. (As long as he’s ignored, there is no dialogue.)

[temporal1]

Note that “marriage counselling” is almost wholly ineffective as far as preventing divorces, etc.; one might as well see a psychic or consult a magic 8-ball.

For a period, secular marriage counseling was recognized (by laypeople) as The Path to Divorce.
Counselors may have backed away from this now. The results were becoming telling.

[Josh]

Note that “marriage counselling” is almost wholly ineffective as far as preventing divorces, etc.; one might as well see a psychic or consult a magic 8-ball.

For a period, secular marriage counseling was recognized (by laypeople) as The Path to Divorce.
Counselors may have backed away from this now. The results were becoming telling.

It’s still pretty bad, although there are counsellors out there who work with just 1 spouse. You pay them, and they give you advice on how to help your marriage.

[Ken]

1- It takes two to fight, as Josh alluded to.

No, actually it doesn't.

Or more accurately, it doesn't take two in order for their to exist an abusive an exploitative relationship within a marriage or otherwise.

That is where this analogy falls short. Racism isn't about two individuals squabbling. It is about an abusive or exploitative relationship between one group or individual who holds power over another.

There is a blame the victim element to this analogy that is inaccurate in most cases. If, for example, you are denied a job or even denied an interview because you have a "black-sounding" name, you may not even know that it has happened to you. There is not equal amounts of racism on each side. Far from it.

[Bootstrap]

A marital counsellor usually doesn’t let one spouse blame 100% of its problems on the other and then hold one spouse to be at fault for the other spouse’s bad behaviour.

Precisely. That's a central point of my analogy.

[Ken]

A marital counsellor usually doesn’t let one spouse blame 100% of its problems on the other and then hold one spouse to be at fault for the other spouse’s bad behaviour.

Precisely. That's a central point of my analogy.

And it is why your analogy is inaccurate when it comes to race in America.

Just to give one example to make the point. Here is a long story about a certain well-known landlord in New York City who notoriously discriminated against Blacks and had a pattern of refusing to rent to Black applicants in direct violation of the Civil Rights Act of 1964. He was sued by the Federal government, settled with a consent decree, then violated the consent decree for decades. https://www.nytimes.com/2016/08/28/us/p ... -race.html

Play the marriage counselor here and tell us what percentage of blame should be assigned to the landlord in this case, and what percentage of blame should be assigned to the Black applicants who were otherwise qualified to rent but were denied housing because of their race?