Conservative Young Women Flip the Script

[JohnL]

The way I see it God provides the children and we can’t see a pattern or plan. I’m seeing a lot of larger families again for the past 15 years or so. And it’s parents who want that many. 5 and 6 kids who are having large families of their own. That what I mean when I said the poverty of having no family. Some folks can’t help it because it just didn’t happen that way for them.

Complications of family-no family followed the advent of cheap-free birth control.
Now to revisit, seeing serious societal damage.

As I said that’s getting into politics and they don’t belong here in the no-politics section.

[temporal1]

this is my opinion, coming from someone who has not had any kids.

i think girls need to have their kids early, for several reasons.
1. you still have the energy to run after them
2. by the time the kids are able to mostly look after themselves, you'll still be young and able to focus on your career.

Men probably should too. Men in their 40s and 50s are less energetic than men in their 20s and 30s.

Men have more flexibility, i do not object. It’s God’s design.
Young men often wrestle with impulses and inexperience that can be hard on families. Young men often do not get adequate messages or experience growing up about how to handle babies and children. They can be overwhelmed suddenly holding a precious, but needy, infant or toddler.

i empathize. It’s not all their fault.
It’s society [screaming] “anyone can do it!” - no.they can’t. not everyone can handle it. it requires a lot.

i grieve the failures of the world’s lies.

[temporal1]

I remember an article from 20 years ago of a grade student interviewing prominent women with careers in government, science, business ect... the only name I can recall was former supreme court justice Sandra Day O'Connor.

The questions centered around family and career and those who had children first were dramatically more positive about their roles including careers.

The usually ignored reality. Life doesn’t end at 30. Follow God’s design, trust in Him.
What is gained from marriage+family can’t be bought.

i once read, something to the effect, “No more cunning negotiators than toddlers!”
Real life prep to face the ruthless working world.

[JohnH]

Even if one gets married things happen. Your husband dies.

For conservative Anabaptists, we expect to see widows taken care of by their family and by church.

For those who are not conservative Anabaptists... obtain life insurance.

Your husband leaves you.

For conservative Anabaptists, we don't plan on divorces, and in those cases where someone's husband leaves them, I have seen the church usually step in and take care of things adequately.

For those who are not conservative Anabaptists, well, it does seem rather odd to spend one's life preparing for a marriage to blow up. Wouldn't it be better to instead focus on having a strong marriage than having an "escape plan"?

Your husband has a life changing accident/illness where he can no longer work. The woman is then prepared to support her family if she has one.

For conservative Anabaptists, they usually find some kind of job that the husband can still do that gets around his physical limitations. Sometimes if there is nothing, then family and church step in to help support the family. (Sometimes this does include finding a job for the wife, if the husband is still capable of taking care of the children.)

For those who are not conservative Anabaptists, consider disability insurance.

Most of all they should be seeking the Lord's leading not what society or the religious community says. Both can bring pressure that is damaging.

Conservative Anabaptists generally believe that what church ("religious community") says is how we discern the Lord's leading, as opposed to "every man doing what is right in his own eyes". We believe the latter can be very damaging.

We look at the world around us and do not see a problem with too many women getting married, too many young married people having children, and not enough people delaying marriage in order to pursue careers.

We see, rather, many young people who delay marriage, often fall into immorality, and pursue education and careers. We also see the tragedy of children born out of wedlock. We believe it is better to follow God's plan than the world.

[JohnH]

Complications of family-no family followed the advent of cheap-free birth control.
Now to revisit, seeing serious societal damage.

As I said that’s getting into politics and they don’t belong here in the no-politics section.

JohnL,

How one earth is discussing birth control "getting into politics"?

This is literally an item that the world's largest Christian denomination has as a central tenet of Christian practice.

[temporal1]

.. How one earth is discussing birth control "getting into politics"?
This is literally an item that the world's largest Christian denomination has as a central tenet of Christian practice.

i did a quick search, found this:

USCCB / Another Look at Contraception
To some, the Catholic Church's consistent teaching against birth control may seem outdated. Yet with each passing year, evidence of contraception's negative consequences keeps piling up, revealing profound repercussions on women, children, families, and society.
https://www.usccb.org/prolife/another-l ... traception
^^(i read quickly, i didn’t see anything i disagree with.)

.. From Pill to Poverty
Without the contraceptive pill, the sexual revolution couldn't have happened.

Few women were willing to risk pregnancy outside of marriage.
Economist George Akerlof has shown how that dynamic abruptly changed with the contraceptive pill, leading to
"the feminization of poverty."5

Told that the pill would prevent pregnancy, women had sex without the promise of marriage.
Because women controlled the decision to contracept, give birth, or undergo abortion, however, many men reasoned that they were not responsible for children conceived outside marriage. Indicating men's denial of responsibility: "Shotgun marriages" soon plummeted, while out-of-wedlock births nearly tripled. In less than two decades (1965-1984), abortions among unmarried women grew from an annual 88,000 to 1,271,000.

Throughout the past decade, at least 40 percent of children each year are born to unmarried mothers who are often left struggling in poverty to raise children alone. According to Child Trends, "in 2015, 43 percent of children living in single-mother families were poor, compared with 10 percent of children living in married-couple families."6 Poverty and the absence of a child's biological father in the home are two of the strongest predictors of poor academic, emotional, and behavioral outcomes in children.

i hope the young women in the OP article plan on MARRIAGE before family, a critical part of God’s order.

The Catholic Church devotes a lot to support pro traditional families and pro life.
i’d like all churches to do similar. Many do. Good marriages and parenting don’t just happen out of the blue.

To repeat, after decades of erosion of traditional values including marriage and family, i’m thankful to witness AN ATTEMPT to revisit and rethink all of it. Encouraging!

[QuietlyListening]

QuietlyListening wrote: ↑Sun Nov 30, 2025 8:16 am
Even if one gets married things happen. Your husband dies.
For conservative Anabaptists, we expect to see widows taken care of by their family and by church.

For those who are not conservative Anabaptists... obtain life insurance.
Your husband leaves you.
For conservative Anabaptists, we don't plan on divorces, and in those cases where someone's husband leaves them, I have seen the church usually step in and take care of things adequately.

For those who are not conservative Anabaptists, well, it does seem rather odd to spend one's life preparing for a marriage to blow up. Wouldn't it be better to instead focus on having a strong marriage than having an "escape plan"?
Your husband has a life changing accident/illness where he can no longer work. The woman is then prepared to support her family if she has one.
For conservative Anabaptists, they usually find some kind of job that the husband can still do that gets around his physical limitations. Sometimes if there is nothing, then family and church step in to help support the family. (Sometimes this does include finding a job for the wife, if the husband is still capable of taking care of the children.)

For those who are not conservative Anabaptists, consider disability insurance.
Most of all they should be seeking the Lord's leading not what society or the religious community says. Both can bring pressure that is damaging.
Conservative Anabaptists generally believe that what church ("religious community") says is how we discern the Lord's leading, as opposed to "every man doing what is right in his own eyes". We believe the latter can be very damaging.

We look at the world around us and do not see a problem with too many women getting married, too many young married people having children, and not enough people delaying marriage in order to pursue careers.

We see, rather, many young people who delay marriage, often fall into immorality, and pursue education and careers. We also see the tragedy of children born out of wedlock. We believe it is better to follow God's plan than the world.

While it may be a goal- I have not always seen conservative anabaptists take care of the widow and family.
What is wrong with the mother working, especially if her children are in school and she can work around their schedule?

I don't feel anyone should 'plan' for divorce but it happens- even in conservative worlds- again a woman can work to support her family.

I'm sorry you find that many who delay marriage fall into morality. And not all who delay marriage do so to pursue education or careers but some just do not find a partner until later in life. I do not feel pressure should be placed on a woman to marry just to marry. And there are woman in the Bible who worked- Priscilla? woman of Proverbs 30?.
Because a woman does not marry young but works before marriage, or because she works and is married and has children does not mean they are not following the Lord. But yes, religious organizations can bring pressure to bear where it can be detrimental.
You seem to have an answer to everything - sometimes your answers come across as without compassion and all knowing. Just because it isn't done your way does not mean someone is not following the Lord's leading.
And I have seen many a conservative woman who is married and has children work- often in the church school or other church related business. How is this different?
If career isn't the what is about but they are working because they enjoy it? They are involved in the lives of people who do not know the Lord and are witnessing to them.

[JohnH]

The simple answer is that conservative Mennonites don't have much to gain, and a lot to lose, from adopting the world's ways where the average family is struggling to survive with both parents working. Why on earth would they want to adopt that system?

Arguing that women need more "independence" and a "career" in case their husbands leave them is particularly an argument that rings hollow in conservative Anabaptist circles. We don't accept nonsense like that and do not plan our lives around it.

Ultimately, the current system of 'go to college, get in hundreds of thousands of debt, and then work to the bone in a two-income household having to put off having kids - or being able to afford a house - until your 40s' is one that conservative Anabaptists have rightly said "no thanks" to.

[Soloist]

I have no problem with a young woman being prepared for marriage but I have also seen young women pushed into getting married because that is what they should do and gotten into marriages they are not happy in. A woman is better off not getting married than getting married because 'they should'. Pressure can be brought to bear that way and be just as bad.

I also see nothing wrong with a young woman preparing for a 'career' like teaching, nursing, accounting, a tech service and so many other things. Even if one gets married things happen. Your husband dies. Your husband leaves you. Your husband has a life changing accident/illness where he can no longer work. The woman is then prepared to support her family if she has one.

My oldest daughter didn't get married til her late 30s and had a child at 40. She and her husband are proof of justme's statement of not as much energy. It has been more difficult for them. She worked part time after their child was born and my husband and I helped care for our grandson on those days. Later she went full time and he was in preschool and now kindergarten. But she is still mom first and her husband is very involved as a father. Their son comes first and they work it out or have family and friends to help if needed.

My daughter in law went back to work part time after her children were in school and work in the school system so her days are coordinated with theirs. Most of the reason she returned was my son was diagnosed with a brain tumor and while he is doing well at present and there has been no growth- the future is uncertain. This way she has a foot in the door if she needs to work full time- either because he can no longer work or if he would die. Again- my son is a hands on father and her children are first and foremost with her and she has family and others to help as needed.

I don't think making a blanket statement that woman should be wives and mothers only. There can be balance and woman can work and be good wives and mothers. Much depends on their focus and if the job is all consuming. Most of all they should be seeking the Lord's leading not what society or the religious community says. Both can bring pressure that is damaging.

Wife: I am so sorry about your son and daughter-in-law. I’m glad that she was able to find something that she can do that works with her children’s schedule.

[JohnL]

I have no problem with a young woman being prepared for marriage but I have also seen young women pushed into getting married because that is what they should do and gotten into marriages they are not happy in. A woman is better off not getting married than getting married because 'they should'. Pressure can be brought to bear that way and be just as bad.

I also see nothing wrong with a young woman preparing for a 'career' like teaching, nursing, accounting, a tech service and so many other things. Even if one gets married things happen. Your husband dies. Your husband leaves you. Your husband has a life changing accident/illness where he can no longer work. The woman is then prepared to support her family if she has one.

My oldest daughter didn't get married til her late 30s and had a child at 40. She and her husband are proof of justme's statement of not as much energy. It has been more difficult for them. She worked part time after their child was born and my husband and I helped care for our grandson on those days. Later she went full time and he was in preschool and now kindergarten. But she is still mom first and her husband is very involved as a father. Their son comes first and they work it out or have family and friends to help if needed.

My daughter in law went back to work part time after her children were in school and work in the school system so her days are coordinated with theirs. Most of the reason she returned was my son was diagnosed with a brain tumor and while he is doing well at present and there has been no growth- the future is uncertain. This way she has a foot in the door if she needs to work full time- either because he can no longer work or if he would die. Again- my son is a hands on father and her children are first and foremost with her and she has family and others to help as needed.

I don't think making a blanket statement that woman should be wives and mothers only. There can be balance and woman can work and be good wives and mothers. Much depends on their focus and if the job is all consuming. Most of all they should be seeking the Lord's leading not what society or the religious community says. Both can bring pressure that is damaging.

Wife: I am so sorry about your son and daughter-in-law. I’m glad that she was able to find something that she can do that works with her children’s schedule.

I’m adding your son to my prayer list.