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ohio jones wrote:

KingdomBuilder wrote:Most of the questions are centered on the past/ "background"... little is asked about more current spiritual things. Seems like the focus is really on identifying differences in my own and their own experience.

That's not always the case; I find some conservatives quite willing to discuss spiritual things. Of course if you're unknown and perhaps visibly not quite in their category there's going to be some background questions as a result of natural curiosity.

My last name and occupation are rare nonexistent among Plain people. I don't mind if they move on to another subject after asking about those, but an awkward silence or an "I see" (when they obviously don't) isn't helpful.

Recently on a MDS worksite, I met a group of young men. I was sure I would know their parents or grandparents so I started asking them who they are. The first one was my cousin's son so we had notes to compare. The second one answered "Ich bin an obgegangna Englisha" (I am a former Englisher) which was his way of handling the situation with a bit of humour. I was slow to answer - probably with something like "Oh." I find I would rather not ask any more questions right away for fear of making a bigger mistake. After I get to know a little more about a person, I will be more ready to converse.

I have a German-sounding last name, so often when someone meets me and asks my name they ask me to repeat my last name once or twice, with a quizzed look on their face as they try to figure out which Mennonite family name that is.

Interestingly, Holdemans tend to introduce themselves by last name a little bit less (particularly if they're of Netherlands Dutch instead of Swiss background), and Apostolic Christians don't really introduce by last names at all - they just use first names like the rest of North Americans do.

I have become accustomed to introducing myself with my last name and asking someone who says just his first name what his last name. I have to make sure to remember not to do this in non-plain business settings since it is very, very offputting to non-plain people to do that.

Josh wrote:Apostolic Christians don't really introduce by last names at all - they just use first names like the rest of North Americans do.

I have become accustomed to introducing myself with my last name and asking someone who says just his first name what his last name. I have to make sure to remember not to do this in non-plain business settings since it is very, very offputting to non-plain people to do that.

I've noticed that many Americans just give their first name and I often just use my first name when I introduce myself to non-plain people but I wasn't aware it was "offputting" to ask them their last name.

Most American's I've met also refer to "The Eby's" rather than "Ernie's" when referring to our family. Is referring to, "The Eby's" unfamiliar to some segments of America?

Ernie wrote:I've noticed that many Americans just give their first name and I often just use my first name when I introduce myself to non-plain people but I wasn't aware it was "offputting" to ask them their last name.

It's actually outright rude - it's basically asking someone you just met for personal information that isn't quite appropriate to be asking for.

I don't expect plain people to ever actually change this though. I just try to remember to "detect" with whom I'm speaking, if they seem plain, expect a last name, if they don't seem plain, expect just a first name.

Most American's I've met also refer to "The Eby's" rather than "Ernie's" when referring to our family. Is referring to, "The Eby's" unfamiliar to some segments of America?

The standard way to speak in America, Canada, and Australia to refer to someone's whole family is to call someone "the Eby's". "Let's go to the Eby's."

Plain people would say "Let's go to Ernie's" or, if there are a lot people called Ernie, "Let's go to Ernie Eby's". If a non-plain person heard that, they would think that I was going to visit just Ernie, not his whole family. Or sometimes a plain person might say "Let's go to Eby's", but they'd never say "Let's go to the Eby's".

Another thing is you never really hear plain people refer to someone as Mrs. Eby, etc. The only place I see formal address like that is in a school setting.

Josh wrote:

Ernie wrote:I've noticed that many Americans just give their first name and I often just use my first name when I introduce myself to non-plain people but I wasn't aware it was "offputting" to ask them their last name.

It's actually outright rude - it's basically asking someone you just met for personal information that isn't quite appropriate to be asking for.

I don't expect plain people to ever actually change this though. I just try to remember to "detect" with whom I'm speaking, if they seem plain, expect a last name, if they don't seem plain, expect just a first name.

In my experience with non-plain business settings, people almost always give me their first and last names at the initial introduction. From then on it's usually first names, unless there's more than one in that context with the same first name, but the last name is always present in written or electronic communication. If they didn't state their last name I might not ask, but would certainly think it odd unless I don't expect to see them again.

In plain or semi-plain settings, if someone doesn't provide a last name I would assume it's Yoder.

Josh wrote:Another thing is you never really hear plain people refer to someone as Mrs. Eby, etc.

There are too many people with the same last name to do that; "Mrs. Yoder" doesn't narrow it down very much. What really tickles me is to hear something like "Barb of Jonas's" or, even better, "Jonas Barb." Anyone using those forms (around here at least) almost certainly has Amish grandparents.

It's actually outright rude - it's basically asking someone you just met for personal information that isn't quite appropriate to be asking for.

My thoughts on it (which clearly reflect my family's thoughts) is that it is a bit rude or, at the least, nosey. It's often seen as an attempt to "figure out" people based on their associations and relatives.
Generally, the older the person asking is, the less rude it comes across.

KingdomBuilder wrote:

It's actually outright rude - it's basically asking someone you just met for personal information that isn't quite appropriate to be asking for.

My thoughts on it (which clearly reflect my family's thoughts) is that it is a bit rude or, at the least, nosey. It's often seen as an attempt to "figure out" people based on their associations and relatives.
Generally, the older the person asking is, the less rude it comes across.

Indeed.

Regions of the USA vary on this in my experience. Where one area may only use the last name (eg the Stewarts) others might just say the first names (eg Tom & Sally). We're adaptable

MaxPC wrote:

KingdomBuilder wrote:

It's actually outright rude - it's basically asking someone you just met for personal information that isn't quite appropriate to be asking for.

My thoughts on it (which clearly reflect my family's thoughts) is that it is a bit rude or, at the least, nosey. It's often seen as an attempt to "figure out" people based on their associations and relatives.
Generally, the older the person asking is, the less rude it comes across.

Indeed.

Regions of the USA vary on this in my experience. Where one area may only use the last name (eg the Stewarts) others might just say the first names (eg Tom & Sally). We're adaptable

That's interesting. I've never really thought about it being rude to ask someone's last name, but I can see what Josh is saying.

ohio jones wrote:

Josh wrote:

Ernie wrote:I've noticed that many Americans just give their first name and I often just use my first name when I introduce myself to non-plain people but I wasn't aware it was "offputting" to ask them their last name.

It's actually outright rude - it's basically asking someone you just met for personal information that isn't quite appropriate to be asking for.

I don't expect plain people to ever actually change this though. I just try to remember to "detect" with whom I'm speaking, if they seem plain, expect a last name, if they don't seem plain, expect just a first name.

In my experience with non-plain business settings, people almost always give me their first and last names at the initial introduction. From then on it's usually first names, unless there's more than one in that context with the same first name, but the last name is always present in written or electronic communication. If they didn't state their last name I might not ask, but would certainly think it odd unless I don't expect to see them again.

In plain or semi-plain settings, if someone doesn't provide a last name I would assume it's Yoder.

Josh wrote:Another thing is you never really hear plain people refer to someone as Mrs. Eby, etc.

There are too many people with the same last name to do that; "Mrs. Yoder" doesn't narrow it down very much. What really tickles me is to hear something like "Barb of Jonas's" or, even better, "Jonas Barb." Anyone using those forms (around here at least) almost certainly has Amish grandparents.

Some of that has made my head spin but in a way I love it because it is unique to the Amish (& Mennonite?) I love John Schmid's song about their names & relations- when he sings it, they just laugh! But it did take me awhile to get used to- I used to read the Budget and enjoyed the sections where one person from the community, would write a weekly report on the community and this is where I also saw a lot of that type of name game.

I've met a 4 of our new neighbors (one just this morning) and they all told me their first and last names when we met.