Conversing with Conservative Anabaptists

When it just doesn't fit anywhere else.
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Ernie
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Conversing with Conservative Anabaptists

Post by Ernie »

People who didn't grow up in a plain conservative Anabaptist setting can find conversing with plain people a bit challenging at times. The comments or questions they are asked can seem really awkward or even offensive. Then there are questions they wish people would ask but no one asks those.

So, if you have visited a plain CA church or conversed in person with a CA and know what I am talking about, please list some of the the comments or questions that seemed awkward or unhelpful and also list questions or comments that would like plain people to make. (this invitation does not apply to online conversation)

Everyone else needs to be quiet and listen until I open it up for further demographics to participate in the discussion. :)
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Bootstrap
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Re: Conversing with Conservative Anabaptists

Post by Bootstrap »

I remember a dinner with a couple and their children after I had just had a birthday. They asked if I had received any presents for my birthday, and I said I had been given some tea, some chocolate, and a bottle of wine.

There was an uncomfortable silence. Then the wife asked me if I drank wine, and I said that I did. Their 8-year old boy asked, "why aren't you dead"? The wife explained that that they knew an alcoholic who had died of alcohol, and they had explained that this was what had killed him. She then explained to her son that I wasn't like that other man, and that the wine wouldn't kill me, which confused him. I held my tongue, I really didn't want to interfere with their childrearing, and there was nothing useful I could say.
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Bootstrap
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Re: Conversing with Conservative Anabaptists

Post by Bootstrap »

I was at a funeral for a plain Mennonite who I had known, and was one of a handful of people who were not plain. The ushers assumed I must be family, and suggested that I join the family up front, where the other non-plain people were. I explained that I was not related to the man who had died, just a friend.

The usher looked a little baffled, and seemed to be figuring out if I should sit with them anyways. I think he just wanted me to have someone to sit with so I would not be alone. I was very uncomfortable with that idea, since I know none of the family except for the wife of the man who had died, and I had spoken for her only briefly, so I stayed in the lobby and sort of hung out thinking of what to do and feeling like a deer in the headlights.

Fortunately, I met someone else I knew. Which was quite a relief.
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steve-in-kville
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Re: Conversing with Conservative Anabaptists

Post by steve-in-kville »

I was not brought up plain, and when went to work for some EPMC mennonites after my conversion, I had a bit of rough going. All I can say is nosy!! The biggest thing that bothered me was the extent they would go to find out what someone paid for something and where they got the money!!

Cars, houses, lawn mowers, you name it. It was really off putting!! I eventually told them to go shimmy up a cactus, I was that frustrated.
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Soloist
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Re: Conversing with Conservative Anabaptists

Post by Soloist »

I'm not sure that I specifically remember any awkward questions for say, I certainly asked my share...

I can recall and still have this issue... Standards, I don't care if they have them, but I want to know the unspoken ones up front. I got caught by insurance being forbidden but its not on the standard book. Otherwise, tell what standards are not still practiced.

It seems like there is an assumption that we have our lives together and don't need any spiritual help and you have to beg for it to even get anything at all...

Maybe asking things like "do you have family that identifies with your belief? or are you all alone?"
seems to me like in terms of fellowship after you get past the first few weeks of after church invites, you end up seeing families eating together all the time but no one invites you along and your fellowship is really limited.

Offer to show the expectations of the church, list known limitations of the church?
I had been attending a church and the pastor wrote a letter to a seeker family about some of the limitations of the church and I thought that was pretty nice to let the family know about.

Ask about spiritual needs (maybe not first visit) have an interest in helping them on their journey.

Thats my thoughts, and maybe some of these people got burned by and thats why they don't ask... I don't know, these are just things I would have valued that didn't happen.
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Josh
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Re: Conversing with Conservative Anabaptists

Post by Josh »

Supposed to meet up with a guy I’m going to stay with, he’s not home yet, his wife has his cell phone and answers, wife is with the kids and invites me inside.

A little bit of conversation:

“Are you married?”

“I was married, I’m divorced now.”

“Is she dead?”
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KingdomBuilder
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Re: Conversing with Conservative Anabaptists

Post by KingdomBuilder »

I was thinking that it gets old being asked over and over about my "christian background". It's really not as eventful as I perceive some would want it to be... I'm just not that into talking about Protestantism the few times I'm around plain people.

Most of the questions are centered on the past/ "background"... little is asked about more current spiritual things. Seems like the focus is really on identifying differences in my own and their own experience.
Last edited by KingdomBuilder on Wed Sep 27, 2017 8:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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KingdomBuilder
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Re: Conversing with Conservative Anabaptists

Post by KingdomBuilder »

I've told Ernie before, but I find the CA youth incredibly hard to talk to. Many seem downright unwilling to conversate. Needless to say, I end up talking to the older members much more.
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Josh
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Re: Conversing with Conservative Anabaptists

Post by Josh »

KingdomBuilder wrote:I've told Ernie before, but I find the CA youth incredibly hard to talk to. Many seem downright unwilling to conversate. Needless to say, I end up talking to the older members much more.
Take up Netflix, trucks, and Call of Duty and you’ll find you have a lot more in common, at least in moderate-conservative land.

One thing I like in more conservative settings is that there are a lot more things to talk about with people my age or with youth.
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ohio jones
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Re: Conversing with Conservative Anabaptists

Post by ohio jones »

KingdomBuilder wrote:Most of the questions are centered on the past/ "background"... little is asked about more current spiritual things. Seems like the focus is really on identifying differences in my own and their own experience.
That's not always the case; I find some conservatives quite willing to discuss spiritual things. Of course if you're unknown and perhaps visibly not quite in their category there's going to be some background questions as a result of natural curiosity.

My last name and occupation are rare nonexistent among Plain people. I don't mind if they move on to another subject after asking about those, but an awkward silence or an "I see" (when they obviously don't) isn't helpful.
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