Story Time!

[steve-in-kville]

[RZehr]

I got into a hostile wrestling match with a Palestinian in Hebron.

I hunted and shot a kangaroo.

[Soloist]

I’ve had a code name and done classified work in medical.
I’ve destroyed mini moons with a laser, I’ve toasted bananas with a plasma gun.

[Soloist]

Wife: Before I became the Mennonite housewife that you all know me as, I had to work to earn my bread however I could. It started off innocently enough, selling rocks to unsuspecting tourists, but soon, I was gathering Intel on German speaking individuals without letting them know I suspected anything.

One job I had required me to create a false identity, and when I went on my missions, I had a pocket of holding where I could pull out my tools of the trade to throw or to otherwise distract targets. Meanwhile, I also had to make sure to avoid tigers.

With another employer, things got pretty sketchy pretty fast. There was that night I when I was staying as low to the ground as I possibly could, crawling to my objective, with mortars nearby and bullets overhead… I was so exhausted when I finally climbed into bed that night.

Then, there was the time when I was nearly hit by a grenade. Thinking back on it, it was almost certainly a dud, but tension was high right after that. Also, the unfortunate day that one of our own went to the dark side when she decided to open live fire on others in our unit. At least she did not have the rocket launcher that day.

After that time, I tried to settle into a normal life. I took an assignment that required me to learn Japanese. I’m pretty sure that I decided to quit that one either April fools day or the day after. Probably the day after, now that I think of it. I married the love of my life, and other than briefly considering a short mission to Egypt, which actually got held off due to the Arab spring, I have laid low and left my dark past behind me. Hubby and I sometimes talked in those days about joining the quiet in the land so that our former employers couldn’t come back after us, and now here we are.

[Sudsy]

I represented a public school in a spelling match and went out on the first word.

[Soloist]

I represented a public school in a spelling match and went out on the first word.

That would have been me too.

[Sudsy]

I scored 100, a perfect exam, in my 6th grade English grammar class. Since then downhill has been my grammar.

[Soloist]

I represented a public school in a spelling match and went out on the first word.

Wife: I must know what word you misspelled.

[Sudsy]

I represented a public school in a spelling match and went out on the first word.

Wife: I must know what word you misspelled.

The word was 'muscle'. A simple first round word to get the spelling match off and running. I wrote it down correctly but when I said it, I spelled it 'muscel'. When I heard 'incorrect' I almost fell off my chair and looking down at my school principal sitting in the front row, he was not too pleased. Then it struck me funny as I left the stage.

I think he might have got back at me when on my report card he usually gave me some praise but after this botch he gave me some criticsm when he wrote 'Jim gets his work done quickly but then tends to daydream'. He thought I should spend that time studying more but I liked to consider what I was going to do when school was out or at recess.

Some other students in the crowd also thought it was funny how I so poorly represented the school. Still makes me laugh.

[Soloist]

When I heard 'incorrect' I almost fell off my chair and looking down at my school principal sitting in the front row, he was not too pleased. Then it struck me funny as I left the stage.

Wife: Oh dear, I hope you saved your laughter until you were out of his sight, or else that may explain his vendetta against you.