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i can't express well enough my appreciation for posts here.
i feel less alone and overwhelmed.

this is a real internal battle for me.

today .. without tears, i was able to revisit the job (above) i had to walk away from.
my goal was to be rid of 93% of the items, allowing 7% to remain, at least temporarily, for (sentiment?)

i believe i'm being truthful when i estimate, i was able to remove 50%, it's in the bin on the curb.

as well, i left that job and went into the kitchen.
not baking for myself, i had some highly outdated items, i'm talking years, that are now, also, on the curb.

i believe, if i will just keep at it, it will become easier+easier.
frankly, i believe, it's entirely possible, i may learn to find enjoyment in it. i used to be such a neat+clean freak. is it still in me? what am i afraid of?!

i can't get "there," without starting "here."

one encouragement i tell myself is:
it's not as tho things will accumulate, once there is space.
"things" are not continuing to come in! (i think that is part of my dread.)

when so many left, so close to the same time, i was inundated with "stuff."
for a long while, i counted on (some) returning to get their things.

i don't think that's likely to happen.
who has room?! - not my family on the expensive west coast, that's for sure.

this morning (already!) ..
i walked 2 more bags to the bin on the curb.
not even planned!

define "bags:"
for me, since i've been alone, trash bags are almost always recycled plastic bags from the grocers.
so, they are small. but, efficient, and no extra cost!

for day-to-day trash, i have so little, it would take a long time to fill a typical kitchen 13 gallon bag, bigger would be .. crazy.

i no longer think anything about it.
those bags are my trash bags.

here, we are required to buy once-weekly trash service. $88 for 3 months.
i could easily do with once or twice monthly.
many weeks, i have nothing to take to the curb.

i wonder what the collectors think of all those tidy little bags?

in my young life, there was no such thing as trash bags - that you buy!
when those first came on the market, people were highly skeptical of paying for bags just to be thrown out!
trash collection in those days was a dirty, disgusting business.
many people, even in cities, had 55 gal barrels for burning trash, or burn piles.
those were funky, too.

we had one. it was common.
my Victorian-ish grandmother did, too. she shared back yards with a university music building. since, the site of a grand university performing arts center.

some people don't know how to burn, they "smoke," smoke can go on for hours, if not days.

for this period of uncluttering, i hope to get "my money's worth" each week!
fill that bin! fill that bin!

After indulging in (and fighting it) plenty of self-pity over being alone for Thanksgiving (once again, in my life) .. i managed to return to "fill that bin" .. this afternoon.

The weather is dreary!
But could be so much worse .. so, get on with it!

Hopefully, the kiddies will call before the day's over. if not, i've got their numbers.

temporal1 wrote:After indulging in (and fighting it) plenty of self-pity over being alone for Thanksgiving (once again, in my life) .. i managed to return to "fill that bin" .. this afternoon.

The weather is dreary!
But could be so much worse .. so, get on with it!

Hopefully, the kiddies will call before the day's over. if not, i've got their numbers.

silentreader wrote:

thanks! the little one called. i'm good.
and, the bin is about ready for the curb.

got more done today. bit-by-bit.
if i will only sustain the effort, even going at a slow pace, it should work out.

one house we lived in had the most shallow crawlspace imaginable.
my dear logical fil, when visiting, observed, if we just removed 1-2 buckets of dirt a day, over time, we would have a better crawlspace (small house.) we thought he was right! but we did not do it. busy with life.

when we sold it, the buyers had a home inspection. the inspector had grown to big size in his life, thankfully, he had a skinny son to do the inspection.

i remember standing in the house while he was under there, praying he would not get stuck!
oh.my. the longest crawl inspection i ever experienced! it was dreadful.
he got through it, emerged ok, saying, "that was a shallow crawlspace!"

so, that's the theory i'm working on. a little everyday.

today, i cleared a kitchen cabinet of some dry goods expired in 2009. tsk.tsk.
time moves on. you never believe it will happen to you.

if i stick with it, i believe it will get better.
then, in spring, i'll be in a better place to make the next decisions. i hope, more interesting decisions.
spring is just a matter of weeks away.

back to work!
trash pickup tomorrow - fill that bin!

temporal1 wrote:back to work!
trash pickup tomorrow - fill that bin!

the bin is at the curb. 3/4 full. i may get to add a bit before pickup tomorrow, they have been coming later in the day.

i believe i've gotten to the part where i see i am a "fake clutterer."
must work on that.

i was able to get some more things to the bin this morning!
i was awake, it was still dark out, i decided, while waiting for sunrise, i would go through more old papers and files .. by daybreak, i had things to go.

plus -
i've gotten a few USPO containers (in the car, ready to return) ..
when i've put my mail on hold, they let me use these plastic containers to carry (mostly junk mail!)
and -
i've prepared some other things needed to return.

it's not ALL about disposing of things.
there will be returning, rerouting, rehoming, too.

bonus -
i located 2 favorite Bibles that had been hiding from me (this morning!)
maybe December will be happier than i imagined.

still.
i see where this effort will be the first attempt;
i believe i'll need to make a second round; to truly get after my "fake uncluttering."

which i understand to be nothing more than highly-organized and neat clutter.
the hardest part.