I have had friends and acquaintances in the past who were diagnosed with a terminal disease. I found it very awkward to even write to them, let alone get on the telephone and talk to them, and so I avoided them. I did not do this out of any malicious intent. I just didn’t want to ”say the wrong thing”, so I said nothing. I did not want to intrude, so I left them alone. I did not know what to say, so I said nothing. I realize, now that I am one of "them”, how wrong I was about all of that, and I feel sorry for the missed opportunities to lift someone’s spirits (and to let them lift mine) and to simply have a chat with a friend that I may never again see in the flesh.
So what do you say to someone whose doctor has told them that their days are numbered?
“Hi Wayne, how are you doing? I heard about your illness, [inject anything you want here, you cannot cause offense by saying “that’s too bad” or “God knows” or “gee that’s awful” or “cancer sucks!” or “I know someone who had…”].
“How’s Betty doing?” [give her a call too, she has a different life struggle than I do and feels even lonelier than me]. “Is there anything I can do?” [I have a list if you really mean it!
].
Once we are over that hump, breaking the silence, let’s just chat. I’ll tell you how God has been so good to me. I’ll tell you how chemotherapy has not been as bad as I expected. I’ll tell you about the wonderful plans we have to move next door to my daughter and grandchildren and to enjoy a few months as retirees here in “Vacationland” before we move. I’ll want to hear how you and yours are doing too! You will marvel, quite frankly, at the ups-and-downs we’ve been going through and you’ll laugh at some of the silliness in our lives. You’ll get a smile to hear about the good times we are having with our family and friends during this “year of living”. Maybe we’ll talk about old times and say to each other that we should have stayed in touch more. You might even get an invitation to “Want-Not Farm” for a Lobster Dinner!
Not everyone who is living with a terminal disease has been blessed as I have with the grace to live contentedly, fully yielded to God in what is happening in my life, with a heart full of gladness (I might be experiencing what in the Anabaptists tradition is called “Gelassenheit”). I think I can say though that everyone who has heard the terrible news “you have a year to live” gets lonely and longs
not just for consoling words, but for friendship and fellowship and a note or a voice at the end of the phone line. You can’t catch cancer over the phone. It will not jump through the phone line and into your ear!
And remember too that while I am the one who is living with a disease that is going to shorten my days, my wife and children are facing their own and very different experience and loneliness. They need friends to write or to call them up too and say “Hi, how are you? I heard about your [husband’s, father’s] illness… what’s this about a Lobster Dinner?”
Praises be to God. 
].
