A year of living.

[steve-in-kville]

3. Line up some supportive counselling. You need to talk to someone who will listen without judgement and who will meet you with kindness. That's not to say others cannot do the same. But sometimes you need a little more therapeutic approach and outside perspective.

I can't agree with this more. Everyone needs someone to talk to. Find someone you can trust and just let it go

[QuietlyListening]

Thank you for this information on the booklets. My oldest had a miscarriage at 18 weeks and I want to give her the booklets. Been a difficult journey for them but they are clinging to the Lord and have many around who have walked this path.
Thank you again and praying for you Betty

[Betty in Maine]

Good morning Neto,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts here. I am sorry for your own losses. You've been through a lot.

Having lost both parents in the last 3 years, I wouldn't want to "get over it" either, because to me that feels too much of getting over them. The "getting over it" that I am comfortable with is simply not having the urge anymore to call my Mom to tell her about some new delightful things her great-grandchildren are doing, because I remember she is no longer here. But her legacy, both my parents' legacies, good and bad, may I never get over, because that is where I think I would forget them. So, similar to what you wrote/shared, I am changed.

Thank God, that one day, we shall see clearly.

Blessings,
Betty

[Betty in Maine]

Thank you for this information on the booklets. My oldest had a miscarriage at 18 weeks and I want to give her the booklets. Been a difficult journey for them but they are clinging to the Lord and have many around who have walked this path.
Thank you again and praying for you Betty

Thank you, Quietly Listening. Any miscarriage is hard but I can only imagine how much more so at 18 weeks. May your daughter and her husband find comfort and peace.

I really think the books are great. I've only read the first two, but they gave me great insight as to why I felt certain things after Wayne died (I was *supposed* to be at the hospital with him, why aren't I there?), and why I completely forgot conversations I had with family members, to the point of calling his sister (again) to be sure I had called her in the first place. And understanding better the physical symptoms of grief that sent me to the doctor's office. And now making a new home in a new place. My goodness what a mix of things! All I can say is thank God for His love and mercy, I'd be sunk without it.

Blessings,
Betty

[QuietlyListening]

Thank you Betty

[JimFoxvog]

Betty, or others grieving because of the death of a loved one, you might find a grief share group helpful. My wife and I attended one weekly for a number of months after our son was killed in an auto accident. You can look for a local group at https://www.griefshare.org/findagroup.

[Betty in Maine]

Thank you, Jim! I am sorry about your son.
Blessings, Betty

[Bootstrap]

Having lost both parents in the last 3 years, I wouldn't want to "get over it" either, because to me that feels too much of getting over them. The "getting over it" that I am comfortable with is simply not having the urge anymore to call my Mom to tell her about some new delightful things her great-grandchildren are doing, because I remember she is no longer here. But her legacy, both my parents' legacies, good and bad, may I never get over, because that is where I think I would forget them. So, similar to what you wrote/shared, I am changed.

When my father died, I felt regular, strong grief for a year or two, then a dull pang. After about 8-9 years, I realized that I just didn't feel that anymore, I had the fond memories but no longer had the same degree of loss. It wasn't that I had forgotten him, but I had processed it. I had absorbed all that my father meant to me, I had absorbed his loss, and I no longer had to do that work.

Grief is good, I don't want people to be disposable, when we lose someone close, it's a real loss. Denial doesn't help me with this. Trusting God deeply does. He knows better than we do, it's all in his hands, it's beyond my knowledge. But grief is not a denial of God's power, grief is not distrust. The grief we feel while here on earth is real. We need to go through that to come to the other side of it. It's a way to mature in faith.

Thank God, that one day, we shall see clearly.

Amen.

And while we are on earth, we see just a little more clearly, I think, when people like you share openly with us and we learn from each other. Thanks for doing this.

[Betty in Maine]

Facebook posting from November 12:
Today is the 2 month anniversary date of my beloved Wayne's passing. What a lifetime we were given together! Thank you, God.
Scripture tells us that God will heal the broken-hearted and that those who mourn will be comforted - and that they are blessed. This I know is true.
Life is quite different now. I can't see very far ahead. But as Cat Stevens sang back in the 70's: "I'm on the road to find out." And as much as that road is paved with grief, with memories, and with tearful gratitude, it is also paved with an inexplicable peace and glimpses of joy.
Godspeed, my beloved. I'm on the road to find out. ❤

Ava had shared some thoughts about happiness and sadness at the same time. Perhaps she'll add them in here.

[Betty in Maine]

On the Road to Find Out #2 -

During our phoned-in church service, we are given Scripture readings to read aloud. Last Sunday, I was given Psalm 16. Verses 5-6 read:

"Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; You have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance."

It occurred to me then, that this was God's pen and paper picture of what He has already done for me, here and now, not just a picture of the future. How incredibly cared for is that?

In the morning, when I have my devotional reading, prayer, and study, now daily seasoned with heartfelt, healing tears, the view from my chair is the top of the next ridge. I lift my eyes to the hills and KNOW where my help comes from, from the Lord who made heaven and earth, and that is beyond comforting. It meets me where the pain is so raw when I wish Wayne would hurry and up and get home from this last business trip/conference/hospitalization and we can just get back to normal again. Emotions can be fickle and sucker punch. Unreality is shown the door by stone cold reality.

There's nothing for it but to experience all the thoughts and feelings, and to embrace quiet and reflection. To choose to be thankful for a secure lot and boundary lines in pleasant places., even if I struggle with the cup and portion part. In "Making Peace with Change", missionary Gina Brenna Butz wrote "Though I'm still figuring this all out, and some days I have no one to talk to about it, though I still long for the past and I haven't found normal, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will take joy in the God of my salvation."

Though and Yet.
I will take Joy.