When Catholics leave the church…

[GoodGirl]

First, a disclaimer, every Catholic person I know is a great person & I have no issues with anyone. I have attended masses & all that.

But seriously, over the years, it seems like so many people who were raised Catholic (Catholic school, nuns, etc)… that when they are of age, they leave & only look back in bitterness.

I have seen this personally so many times. Just one example, my mother was raised in a very large, very Catholic family. The number of her siblings who never set foot in any church again (unless it was a funeral or wedding) is quite high.

Now, maybe it’s no different than when folks leave the anabaptists. I’m totally not picking on Catholics.
But why do I never run into bitter former Baptists or Pentecostals or whatever?

Am I alone in this?

———-
Also, this is a bit random, but I’ll toss it out there..
My aunt came of age, left the Catholic Church, and never looked back. About 20 (?) years went by & she married & had children. They never went to church anywhere.

After I became a Christian, I tried to talk to her about the Bible & she told me in no uncertain terms to drop it, which was not like her.

She died young (I’m older now than she was when she passed). When she was suddenly (totally unexpectedly) in the hospital on life-support, the Catholics in her family had a priest come in & give her ‘last rights’ (whatever that means) and even communion… as much as it’s possible to give an unconscious person communion.

The Catholic family members (the minority, which did not include her husband) were then satisfied that she was in Heaven when the machines were turned off.

I get wanting comfort… wanting the feeling of ‘knowing’ your loved one is in a better place…

But what?! It was over a decade ago & still confuses me.

My mom is as non-religious as they come, but will still out of habit start saying rosary prayers when they’re on bad icy roads or something, like it’s ingrained in her… even though she is not Catholic or religious at all now.

[Pelerin]

First, a disclaimer, every Catholic person I know is a great person & I have no issues with anyone. I have attended masses & all that.

But seriously, over the years, it seems like so many people who were raised Catholic (Catholic school, nuns, etc)… that when they are of age, they leave & only look back in bitterness.

I have seen this personally so many times. Just one example, my mother was raised in a very large, very Catholic family. The number of her siblings who never set foot in any church again (unless it was a funeral or wedding) is quite high.

Now, maybe it’s no different than when folks leave the anabaptists. I’m totally not picking on Catholics.
But why do I never run into bitter former Baptists or Pentecostals or whatever?

Am I alone in this?

Well there are definitely some bitter ex-anabaptists out there. In fact I think my impression would have been the opposite of yours: that there are a lot of people who “grew up Catholic” and that’s just a cultural background, nothing they’re particularly bitter about. I suppose it’s that way too with a lot of people who grew up Mennonite or Amish—it’s part of their life’s background but nothing they’re particularly bitter about.

The “Bitter Ex-” probably exists for all groups. And probably most people that leave (or don’t join) are well adjusted and you only notice the ones that make noise. I find it really hard to take Bitter Ex- (whatever) people seriously. Most of it is just bad faith lashing out with anything they can think of as opposed to thoughtful engagement. I’ve wondered sometimes if the Bitter Ex-es still believe in it at some level and so have to go over the top to convince themselves otherwise.

It’s seems that the ex-Mormons I’ve run into are disproportionately “Bitter Ex-es”. Children who were Homeschooled (capital H) that rejected that when they grew up also seem disproportionately bitter.

[MaxPC]

First, a disclaimer, every Catholic person I know is a great person & I have no issues with anyone. I have attended masses & all that.

But seriously, over the years, it seems like so many people who were raised Catholic (Catholic school, nuns, etc)… that when they are of age, they leave & only look back in bitterness.

I have seen this personally so many times. Just one example, my mother was raised in a very large, very Catholic family. The number of her siblings who never set foot in any church again (unless it was a funeral or wedding) is quite high.

Now, maybe it’s no different than when folks leave the anabaptists. I’m totally not picking on Catholics.
But why do I never run into bitter former Baptists or Pentecostals or whatever?

Am I alone in this?

Well there are definitely some bitter ex-anabaptists out there. In fact I think my impression would have been the opposite of yours: that there are a lot of people who “grew up Catholic” and that’s just a cultural background, nothing they’re particularly bitter about. I suppose it’s that way too with a lot of people who grew up Mennonite or Amish—it’s part of their life’s background but nothing they’re particularly bitter about.

The “Bitter Ex-” probably exists for all groups. And probably most people that leave (or don’t join) are well adjusted and you only notice the ones that make noise. I find it really hard to take Bitter Ex- (whatever) people seriously. Most of it is just bad faith lashing out with anything they can think of as opposed to thoughtful engagement. I’ve wondered sometimes if the Bitter Ex-es still believe in it at some level and so have to go over the top to convince themselves otherwise.

It’s seems that the ex-Mormons I’ve run into are disproportionately “Bitter Ex-es”. Children who were Homeschooled (capital H) that rejected that when they grew up also seem disproportionately bitter.

I agree, Pelerin. Bitterness is universal.

[Ken]

First, a disclaimer, every Catholic person I know is a great person & I have no issues with anyone. I have attended masses & all that.

But seriously, over the years, it seems like so many people who were raised Catholic (Catholic school, nuns, etc)… that when they are of age, they leave & only look back in bitterness.

I have seen this personally so many times. Just one example, my mother was raised in a very large, very Catholic family. The number of her siblings who never set foot in any church again (unless it was a funeral or wedding) is quite high.

Now, maybe it’s no different than when folks leave the anabaptists. I’m totally not picking on Catholics.
But why do I never run into bitter former Baptists or Pentecostals or whatever?

Am I alone in this?

Well there are definitely some bitter ex-anabaptists out there. In fact I think my impression would have been the opposite of yours: that there are a lot of people who “grew up Catholic” and that’s just a cultural background, nothing they’re particularly bitter about. I suppose it’s that way too with a lot of people who grew up Mennonite or Amish—it’s part of their life’s background but nothing they’re particularly bitter about.

The “Bitter Ex-” probably exists for all groups. And probably most people that leave (or don’t join) are well adjusted and you only notice the ones that make noise. I find it really hard to take Bitter Ex- (whatever) people seriously. Most of it is just bad faith lashing out with anything they can think of as opposed to thoughtful engagement. I’ve wondered sometimes if the Bitter Ex-es still believe in it at some level and so have to go over the top to convince themselves otherwise.

It’s seems that the ex-Mormons I’ve run into are disproportionately “Bitter Ex-es”. Children who were Homeschooled (capital H) that rejected that when they grew up also seem disproportionately bitter.

My wife was raised Catholic and so her entire half the family is Catholic.

I know plenty of ex-Catholics, or non-practicing Catholics and none of them strike me as bitter. I think it is because frankly Catholicism is a pretty undemanding denomination. You can kind of just skate along for decades and no one really pays much attention. It is because of the separation between clergy and laity that is far more distinct with Catholicism. And such a large percentage of Catholics are pretty casual about it. Especially if you are an ethnic Catholic like Irish or Italian. And in many parishes the priests just sort of rotate through and aren't really a part of the community. Often these days they aren't even the same nationality.

The most bitter folks I've met are usually ex-evangelicals in the south. Because unlike say Catholicism, the religion is wrapped up in every aspect of life from politics to family. And they can end up very estranged. So you have young people who feel that the church drove a wedge between them and their parents or family over politics and culture war issues which you don't get with Catholics.

[Valerie]

First, a disclaimer, every Catholic person I know is a great person & I have no issues with anyone. I have attended masses & all that.

But seriously, over the years, it seems like so many people who were raised Catholic (Catholic school, nuns, etc)… that when they are of age, they leave & only look back in bitterness.

I have seen this personally so many times. Just one example, my mother was raised in a very large, very Catholic family. The number of her siblings who never set foot in any church again (unless it was a funeral or wedding) is quite high.

Now, maybe it’s no different than when folks leave the anabaptists. I’m totally not picking on Catholics.
But why do I never run into bitter former Baptists or Pentecostals or whatever?

Am I alone in this?

Well there are definitely some bitter ex-anabaptists out there. In fact I think my impression would have been the opposite of yours: that there are a lot of people who “grew up Catholic” and that’s just a cultural background, nothing they’re particularly bitter about. I suppose it’s that way too with a lot of people who grew up Mennonite or Amish—it’s part of their life’s background but nothing they’re particularly bitter about.

The “Bitter Ex-” probably exists for all groups. And probably most people that leave (or don’t join) are well adjusted and you only notice the ones that make noise. I find it really hard to take Bitter Ex- (whatever) people seriously. Most of it is just bad faith lashing out with anything they can think of as opposed to thoughtful engagement. I’ve wondered sometimes if the Bitter Ex-es still believe in it at some level and so have to go over the top to convince themselves otherwise.

It’s seems that the ex-Mormons I’ve run into are disproportionately “Bitter Ex-es”. Children who were Homeschooled (capital H) that rejected that when they grew up also seem disproportionately bitter.

Very well put and I too have run into bitter X Anabaptist actually not sure if ,"bitter" is right word necessarily.

My husband left Catholic Church when he was ,19 during Jesus Movement but not bitter he just found a Church he felt was teaching him more about a personal relationship with the Lord & encouraged him to read his Bible. He still sees some value to Catholic church but really leans more to Orthodox.

We both left the Pentecostal/Charismatic "upset" but not bitter. I hope anyone dealing with bitterness at all learns to be set free from that unhealthy emotion & frame of mind.

Interesting topic.

[Valerie]

First, a disclaimer, every Catholic person I know is a great person & I have no issues with anyone. I have attended masses & all that.

But seriously, over the years, it seems like so many people who were raised Catholic (Catholic school, nuns, etc)… that when they are of age, they leave & only look back in bitterness.

I have seen this personally so many times. Just one example, my mother was raised in a very large, very Catholic family. The number of her siblings who never set foot in any church again (unless it was a funeral or wedding) is quite high.

Now, maybe it’s no different than when folks leave the anabaptists. I’m totally not picking on Catholics.
But why do I never run into bitter former Baptists or Pentecostals or whatever?

Am I alone in this?

Well there are definitely some bitter ex-anabaptists out there. In fact I think my impression would have been the opposite of yours: that there are a lot of people who “grew up Catholic” and that’s just a cultural background, nothing they’re particularly bitter about. I suppose it’s that way too with a lot of people who grew up Mennonite or Amish—it’s part of their life’s background but nothing they’re particularly bitter about.

The “Bitter Ex-” probably exists for all groups. And probably most people that leave (or don’t join) are well adjusted and you only notice the ones that make noise. I find it really hard to take Bitter Ex- (whatever) people seriously. Most of it is just bad faith lashing out with anything they can think of as opposed to thoughtful engagement. I’ve wondered sometimes if the Bitter Ex-es still believe in it at some level and so have to go over the top to convince themselves otherwise.

It’s seems that the ex-Mormons I’ve run into are disproportionately “Bitter Ex-es”. Children who were Homeschooled (capital H) that rejected that when they grew up also seem disproportionately bitter.

My wife was raised Catholic and so her entire half the family is Catholic.

I know plenty of ex-Catholics, or non-practicing Catholics and none of them strike me as bitter. I think it is because frankly Catholicism is a pretty undemanding denomination. You can kind of just skate along for decades and no one really pays much attention. It is because of the separation between clergy and laity that is far more distinct with Catholicism. And such a large percentage of Catholics are pretty casual about it. Especially if you are an ethnic Catholic like Irish or Italian. And in many parishes the priests just sort of rotate through and aren't really a part of the community. Often these days they aren't even the same nationality.

The most bitter folks I've met are usually ex-evangelicals in the south. Because unlike say Catholicism, the religion is wrapped up in every aspect of life from politics to family. And they can end up very estranged. So you have young people who feel that the church drove a wedge between them and their parents or family over politics and culture war issues which you don't get with Catholics.

You kind of describe my sister whose walked with the Lord since 1973 (Jesus Movement) but the political Christianity caused her to quit referring herself as an Evangelical.

[Sudsy]

But why do I never run into bitter former Baptists or Pentecostals or whatever?

Perhaps because there is not a demand that they must live a certain way or they can't be part of that church. They may have joined the church but only as agreeing with a statement of faith and there was no church covenant. Or they are welcome to just be an adherent as a regular attender and participant where they are allowed to not 'join' in a formal way. This was the case in our former MB church where we had much opportunity to participate but not to vote on issues.

I was raised in a Pentecostal church with no formal church membership whatsoever. The only membership I ever agreed to was in a Baptist church where to be a member we formally shook hands with other members indicating we have decided to make this our home church.

That is not to say Pentecostal and Baptist churches don't have people leave and are bitter. In my experience this was due to some issue where they just couldn't get along over more personal than religious differences. Some people have a hard time joining anything as they, sooner or later, demand their own way.

I suspect Catholics don't have a 'police force' as some churches do making sure every member lives according to the rules.

That is my experience from Pentecostal (2), Baptist (2), Mennonite (1) and Salvation Army church going.

[Ken]

But why do I never run into bitter former Baptists or Pentecostals or whatever?

Perhaps because there is not a demand that they must live a certain way or they can't be part of that church.

That is not true today. There are lots of big evangelical churches, especially in the south, that have gone full MAGA Trump and anyone who doesn't share that political slant is ostracized. For example: https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/ar ... on/629631/

And there is a similar phenomenon in urban churches in liberal areas in the opposite direction.

[barnhart]

The ostracized Baptists and Pentecostals move to where I live.

[Judas Maccabeus]

Realize, in the case of the Catholic Church, the person that has bad feelings may have been abused by a priest. It was rampant here in Baltimore, and as we later found out, one of them "Got" one of my classmates. The priest in question was transferred to another parish, where he did it again.