Dealing with Death

General Christian Theology
Neto
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Dealing with Death

Post by Neto »

(If this has already been discussed, please point me to the thread - I did a search, and didn't find anything.)

How should we respond to death?

At 61, I have obviously experienced some deaths fairly close to me. When my first grandparent died, I was 17, and later felt bad, because I hadn't cried. When my other grandpa died, I was 26, and I cried a good bit at the funeral. Both of my grandmothers died while we were out in the village, away from telephones & mail service. I didn't know about one of them until a month & a half later. Because we were on the mission field, my children didn't know them, and so there was no one around who would be affected like I was, and not being there, it wasn't really real to me. One is buried close to where my parents live, and the first time I was back home I went to the cemetery with my dad, and sat there at the grave, trying to make it real to me. She was just gone, not there anymore, that's all. By that time my mom (it was her mother) & my dad had done their crying long ago.

We lost a child to miscarriage, and right when it happened I was just concerned about my wife. Later I read Psalm 139, where it says that "all my days are numbered", and it still makes me cry because my child's days were numbered at zero.

I once put my arm around a young (Indian) man who had, in a fit of rage, murdered another young man. I had watched both of them grow up, the perpetrator and the victim. Many years earlier, when the first person of the tribe died after we went there the first time, I was struck with the fact that he had never heard the Gospel, as far as I know - certainly not in his own language (and he barely understood any other language). I didn't know enough of the language yet to have told him.

Now a sister in our congregation is in her last time, unable to speak, and often doesn't seem to be self-aware. I fear that I may take death to much for granted, because I long ago lost all fear of it myself. The "other side" is a better place, so in spite of the fact that I have cried quite a bit over some deaths, it just doesn't seem that serious to me. What is wrong with me?
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Congregation: Gospel Haven Mennonite Fellowship, Benton, Ohio (Holmes Co.) a split from Beachy-Amish Mennonite.
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Valerie
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Re: Dealing with Death

Post by Valerie »

Interested in hearing answers as I can relate very much to what you are saying too. I often wonder why we cling so much to living when we have more to look forward to- but then when faced with life or death situations we tend to hope to be healed or saved- maybe the experience of dying/death is frightening on the one hand- but not death itself.
Perhaps it depends on how strong our faith is. Of course we shed tears when missing someone who has passed, they're in our hearts- but also trying to be happy for them realizing they are in a better place-
If we are not sure where they will be spending eternity, not having confidence they showed signs of salvation- those deaths I find most grievous. I pray the Lord to be merciful on that day.

Just saying- I can relate to you Neto very much on this. I love the occasional story I hear of someone in their passing being so anxious to be with Jesus that they are aglow.
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temporal1
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Re: Dealing with Death

Post by temporal1 »

we grieve for ourselves, our loss on earth. which is real, not to be dismissed.
funerals are for the living. for those left behind.

it took me lots of years, many losses, to sort that out.
there's nothing wrong with you.
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KingdomBuilder
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Re: Dealing with Death

Post by KingdomBuilder »

Doesn't sound like there's anything wrong... quite the opposite I'd say.
We do ourselves good to think of things in relation to the Spirit and the eternal; not merely the temporal. Seems like you're doing just that.
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Wade
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Re: Dealing with Death

Post by Wade »

My dad's side of the family is such staunch atheist's that it is to the point now when my grandfathers brother died recently there was no funeral or gathering or anything. People are requesting to pretty well just ignore death.

Now recently my sister went to her rental home to see why her tenant didn't pay his rent and his mother was calling looking for him. (30 year old loner). She opened the door to find him 7 days after his suicide... She is not a believer and is really troubled by this event since death is something that cannot just be ignored...

I was their once too as one who avoided and ignored funerals and death, but I am struggling with knowing how to talk about these things with unbelieving family now. So I just mostly keep quiet.

Does anyone have any advice on how to talk about death with those that are lost and don't have any hope who even admit to "hating all religious people"?
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KingdomBuilder
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Re: Dealing with Death

Post by KingdomBuilder »

Wade wrote:Does anyone have any advice on how to talk about death with those that are lost and don't have any hope who even admit to "hating all religious people"?
No, not really.. I think perhaps showing that you yourself are comfortable with death could be one way.
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MaxPC
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Re: Dealing with Death

Post by MaxPC »

temporal1 wrote:we grieve for ourselves, our loss on earth. which is real, not to be dismissed.
funerals are for the living. for those left behind.

it took me lots of years, many losses, to sort that out.
there's nothing wrong with you.
X2.

Couldn't have said it better.
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appleman2006
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Re: Dealing with Death

Post by appleman2006 »

Death. It is a subject I have been forced to think much about. But not that much in my early years. I was 22 before my first grandparent died Before that I really could not say that I knew anyone well that had died. No uncles and aunts. Still have all of them. No cousins. Same. No close friends. I remember as a young teen ager one time walking through a graveyard and even though I was a Christian the thought of death seemed very cold and chilling to me. Also very unreal. That changed with my grandfather's passing. I was very close to him and was in Manitoba when he died so I never really felt like I had a chance to say good bye. He was only 74. My other grandparents all lived well into their 90's and so while their passing was sad it was a bit different. More of a celebration of a life well lived.
But it has been the other four deaths of those close to me that has had a far greater effect on me and on my understanding of life and death. Over 17 years ago I lost my brother and sister-in-law both in their early 30's in a tragic car accident. They left 3 young children behind. Then about 9 years ago I lost another sister-in-law to cancer. She was also in her early 30's and left 4 children behind. And now almost 3 years ago I lost my father-in-law who I was also very close to.
One thing that experiences such as these do is they leave you with a sense excitement about actually joining them on the other side. I know we really do not know what it will be like there and if in fact we will know them at least in the way we do here. But either way just knowing we will be in the same place experiencing the same things is comforting to me.
On another note I have also learned that no two people seem to grieve exactly the same. And so Neto, I do not think you are at all strange. Just do not be surprised if your reaction to death is somewhat different with the passing of other's in your life. I myself did not always react the same.
I get a bit touchy with people that try to put grief in a box and expect that everyone will go through the same 7 steps or whatever in exactly the same way.

As far as to some of the other lessons I have learned. Well I would share them but I am afraid you would all grow bored. Perhaps some other time if you beg me enough. In the meantime let's just say that some of the most trying experiences in my life have in time turned into wonderful examples of God's grace and care for me and my loved ones.
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Sudsy
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Re: Dealing with Death

Post by Sudsy »

How should we respond to death?


The scripture says that death is our enemy. It takes life away at any age. It often leaves families in tough circumstances. Death came into this world due to sin entering the world. So we should hate sin and the pain and deaththat resulted from it.

My response to death can be sadness and other emotions (regrets, guilt, etc) when someone I love is taken away by death. In one of my experiences my son took his life at the age of 16. So much anticipated future living taken away by death. A mistake he made that cannot be reversed. Some believe God has established how long each of us will live. I don't. I believe God allows the adverse results of sin in this world fall on the just and the unjust when it does.

Some day, scripture says death itself will end. It will be destroyed forever. 1 Cor 15:26.

Meanwhile, for the believer, the sting of death is gone as Jesus dealt with it at the cross and rose from the grave as the first of us that too will overcome death. Praise the Lord !!!!!

So, part of us still suffers over what death brings about with our loved ones but another part of us celebrates the fact that death cannot hold us in it's state. It is a mixed sort of emotion when we see a loved one die as we are sad for ourselves and perhaps the circumstances for those still living but happy for where they are are/will be in their next aware moment to be with the Lord.

Some of us may fear just how we will die. Whether it be painful or not. However, here again God can give us a peace about how this will come to pass. I don't fear death but I still would prefer to have it happen while I'm sleeping as my brother experienced. And this recent December my sister died of cancer and left her husband making big adjustments at an elderly age. Death is an enemy for sure.

I suppose those who believe in never ending torment in hell for the unsaved must be in great misery for a lost unsaved loved one. I can see this causing many regrets of not trying hard enough to share the Gospel.

Well, those are some of my thoughts on the subject.
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Wade
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Re: Dealing with Death

Post by Wade »

There is a man I know that I talk with about spiritual things at work. I think he is a Christian but he never seems to talk about Christ but more about spirituality and is quite learned... Our conversions have progressed to the point of the last one we had - I got to point a lot more clearly to Christ and he seemed more interested and motivated than ever to what was being shared. He shared about having difficulties with his sons that our around my age and what to do about helping steer them to a better way.
I haven't seen him for three months after that very encouraging conversation. And then I learned today that one of his sons died in an accident at home where he was close enough and had the opportunity to try and revive his son. He has been off work for a month now grieving...
We have developed a somewhat close relationship of sharing and encouraging one another.

Does anyone have any advice for the next times I get to speak with this man?
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