Hospitality and unfortunate reality

[MaxPC]

This query is open to all gentle and kindly input.

Situation: people with medical/emotional/mental issues who only seek membership admission in a fellowship in order to access free or less expensive medical care and medications through that fellowship (they aren't seeking for the purpose of honest spiritual fellowship).

We've seen an increase in number of these types of inquiries in the last several years. We try to be hospitable but at the same time we realize that individuals like this can be disruptive to the peace of the group.

We've instituted a discernment process of several years and that's helped to reduce this type of applicant.

My query is this: are there some other things we can be doing to gently screen for the less honest applicant and even perhaps steer that person towards assistance with their situation and thus remain hospitable?

[Bootstrap]

Can you say more about the setting? Who is the "we" in this scenario - which fellowship are you talking about? And where are the new people coming from?

[temporal1]

i had no idea this was happening.
but, sure, it makes sense. sadly, it makes sense.

people faced with hard choices seek shelter.
some are known to seek shelter in jails.

[RZehr]

Provide a certain level of help freely without the strings of joining. That's what we do.

[MaxPC]

Provide a certain level of help freely without the strings of joining. That's what we do.

RZehr, thank you for replying. A further question: how do you handle the situation when the person persists and insists on applying to join your group?

We do help without requiring the person to join but we also encounter those who insist on applying to join because they want full time financial and medical support. How to help but at the same time gently refuse them membership?

We want to meet needs but at the same time these individuals aren't interested in a relationship with Christ which is what we are about.

Example: periodically we're contacted by a parent who wants their adult child to live with us. It happens that the offspring is unemployed, addicted to playing video games, and has no interest in pursuing discipleship to Christ. How best to gently deal with this parent (and others), who is concerned about dying and having no one to care for the adult child?

[Bootstrap]

We do help without requiring the person to join but we also encounter those who insist on applying to join because they want full time financial and medical support. How to help but at the same time gently refuse them membership?

I would think any real fellowship that has existed for a period of time and offers this kind of support has answers to this kind of question. And that these answers would be related to the general process of joining the group.

[Robert]

Example: periodically we're contacted by a parent who wants their adult child to live with us. It happens that the offspring is unemployed, addicted to playing video games, and has no interest in pursuing discipleship to Christ. How best to gently deal with this parent (and others), who is concerned about dying and having no one to care for the adult child?

I would respond to the parents that this is their wish, but not the wish of their child. They need to deal directly with their child.

I have had many 3rd party requests. I have learned through the years that these requests are more focused on what the 3rd party wants then what the party in mention wants.

I have run multiple food panties. I have always set them up with set parameters. Help people x amount of times. This allows it to be an emergency assistance, but helps to move away from chronic use and abuse. Most people in need want a hand out, not a hand up. A hand out keeps them locked into their addictions and situation. A hand up, takes much more time and a lot of patience, but has the chance to transform. Jesus did say, "Take up your mat and walk." This is a call to move from the place they are comfortable being and where they get hand outs from passer bys.

Hospitality and charity often say more about the giver than the receiver. Giving with strings attached are a sign of a desire to control the situation or the other person. Giving and walking away often signal a person wanting to feel like they did something when all along they really did not show much compassion. Finding the balance and giving to the person as the need is evaluated will take time and we will make mistakes. Yet, it is what Jesus did. Cookie cutter giving is more about the giver than the one in need.

[Soloist]

Example: periodically we're contacted by a parent who wants their adult child to live with us. It happens that the offspring is unemployed, addicted to playing video games, and has no interest in pursuing discipleship to Christ. How best to gently deal with this parent (and others), who is concerned about dying and having no one to care for the adult child?

winces*

I've got issues with pc gaming still. I'm unemployed... Not for lack of trying though and my parents would never want Menno's to take me in
We don't see eye to eye on doctrine.

One thing I've noticed is Mennonites tend to beat around the bush to be polite, I hate it personally I would rather someone was upfront with me about expectations and if there is a route for membership available. In that view, ask the parent if their child is actually interested in living a Godly life because your church has agreed to help each other who choses to be non-resistant, apolitical, self sacrificing Christians. Say that they would need to be willing to pick beans, bag seed or something to pay for their own needs because if you don't work, you don't eat.

soloist

[Judas Maccabeus]

We do help without requiring the person to join but we also encounter those who insist on applying to join because they want full time financial and medical support. How to help but at the same time gently refuse them membership?

I would think any real fellowship that has existed for a period of time and offers this kind of support has answers to this kind of question. And that these answers would be related to the general process of joining the group.

Groups that I have been a part of in the past tie the acceptance of both financial counseling and possible participation in a program that leads to independence financially to any help whatsoever. Most decline, including my late sister.

I am not as familiar with my current fellowship's policy.

[Judas Maccabeus]

Can you say more about the setting? Who is the "we" in this scenario - which fellowship are you talking about? And where are the new people coming from?

Knowing context would help to give an intelligent answer rather than shooting in the dark.

J.M.