How does Matthew 18 apply to sexual abuse?

Christian ethics and theology with an Anabaptist perspective
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Josh
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How does Matthew 18 apply to sexual abuse?

Post by Josh »

A real challenge is reconciling the way the modern world teaches sexual abuse should be handled and reported and the process laid out in scripture in Matthew 18.

For the purpose of this discussion, let's limit talk about "sexual abuse" to where there is a clear abuse of power happening in a relationship between two people who are not married, such as a teacher and a student, or where there is a clear age difference, with the suspected victim being under 16 or the local jurisdiction's age of consent and the suspect being over 20.

Oftentimes these kind of things happen in secret and when a third party learns about them, you have a very tenuous situation. Approaching the suspect to have a one on one conversation may be difficult. Often you need to get counsel from an impartial third party who can help you know how to approach it.

Incidentally, when I have had to handle incidents of sexual harassment in the workplace, a clearly defined process with HR really helped. It would have been absurd to go to the person responsible for the harassment, whose immediate reaction would have just been to try to quickly fire me. Instead, HR used their process and ensured the victims were treated respectfully, removed from the bad situation, and the management responsible for the harassment was dealt with.

I also don't feel Matthew 18 necessarily always applies to this. My immediate goal is not reconciliation with the suspect, but protecting the possible victim from further harm. After that is safe and secure, I can work on reconciling with the suspect.

Unfortunately, that's not how things seem to actually play out, both in plain and non-plain Anabaptist settings. Generally dealing with a situation like this can get you branded as a "gossip" or for trying to stir up trouble, and that it's better to leave and let live and "kids will be kids".

What are your thoughts?
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Re: How does Matthew 18 apply to sexual abuse?

Post by Bootstrap »

Let's start with the obvious: We are seeing credible allegations in just about every arena of power, including elected officials, teachers, conductors, coaches, the news industry, and the entertainment industry. We are seeing this across the political spectrum, including politicians who have campaigned on their moral virtue. And of course, we also see this with church leaders - including Mennonite leaders, but also leaders in other denominations.

There are three important dangers here. There's a danger of keeping silent and letting victims be harmed. There's also a danger of believing every accusation without proof. And it's more complicated because this often happens in situations where proof is difficult. And there's the danger of dismissing all moral leadership entirely because we see so much hypocrisy - that would be a huge loss, but that's what happens if we just try to keep everything secret.

Time Magazine's Person of the Year is The Silence Breakers. I admire their courage.
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Re: How does Matthew 18 apply to sexual abuse?

Post by Soloist »

Matt 18:15
Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.
By my read, this says if someone sins against you...

1Cor 5:1-5
It is reported commonly [that there is] fornication among you, and such fornication as is not so much as named among the Gentiles, that one should have his father's wife.
And ye are puffed up, and have not rather mourned, that he that hath done this deed might be taken away from among you.
For I verily, as absent in body, but present in spirit, have judged already, as though I were present, [concerning] him that hath so done this deed,
In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, when ye are gathered together, and my spirit, with the power of our Lord Jesus Christ,
To deliver such an one unto Satan for the destruction of the flesh, that the spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus.
Seems like Paul isn't following that model...
1Tim 5:19-22
Against an elder receive not an accusation, but before two or three witnesses.
Them that sin rebuke before all, that others also may fear.
I charge [thee] before God, and the Lord Jesus Christ, and the elect angels, that thou observe these things without preferring one before another, doing nothing by partiality.
Lay hands suddenly on no man, neither be partaker of other men's sins: keep thyself pure.
Just posting it in relation to this...

My personal experiences have not gone well with trying to follow it...

I addressed it with one person and they got very angry and I backed off since evidently I was misplaced in the relationship...

The other time was sexual impurity and that didn't have a very good outcome either.
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Re: How does Matthew 18 apply to sexual abuse?

Post by ohio jones »

Soloist wrote:Seems like Paul isn't following that model...
We don't know whether the initial steps of Matthew 18 were followed by someone directly affected, but by the time Paul addressed the situation it was already common knowledge. So I would see 1 Cor 5 as teaching on what should happen if the sinner is unrepentant after the transgression is known and the church has not yet acted, or failed to act.
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Re: How does Matthew 18 apply to sexual abuse?

Post by steve-in-kville »

I've been watching this thread. Read it and re-read it.

I will give this account:

Many years ago, when our family was younger, We faced some allegations. A neighbor, who was Mennonite (and mentally ill, though no one realized it at the time) thought it would be wise to start rumors about my wife and I. As it typically goes, everyone around us heard the rumors, but us. Our church, school families, our distant family, people I work with, everyone, but not us.

Anyways, several weeks after these rumors were circulating, the lead pastor and his wife (from the church we were attending) visited us one evening. They told us about the rumors going around. Now mind you - this was the first we heard anything. No one approached us until this point. Obviously my wife and I were oblivious to it all and praise the Lord we were able to squash it right then and there.

But the damage was already done. We were child abusers. I sexually assaulted my girls, we locked our children in the basement for days on end, etc.

Thankfully, with time, the person who started the rumor is the one who has the reputation. But it took time. My wife and I learned how to stand tall and keep our heads up.
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Re: How does Matthew 18 apply to sexual abuse?

Post by Hats Off »

Matthew 18 does not apply in circumstances of known sin or if the victim comes forward. It is also important to carefully review circumstances surrounding allegations. First, we do not want to victimize a legitimate victim. On the other hand, in my experience, we also need to make sure the supposed perpetrator does not become the victim. My wife kept hearing rumours about what was supposed to have happened at our house - involving a close relative of hers. I suggested we ignore the rumours - until I heard them myself. I went to a church official to talk about the rumours - his response was that they have investigated many supposed claims of harassment all coming from the same source and none were valid. He advised we just continue to ignore the rumours. In time my wife and I were interviewed separately by church officials and their wives; again they said they believed us but when the supposed victim came to them, they had to act. Later the police also began an investigation which dragged on for a long time and involved our children. Once again, it was determined that there was no truth to the allegations but this police investigation is still on my record - I was asked to be a mentor for a student program at one point, but couldn't because of this allegation.

However, it is much worse when the victim becomes a victim again at the hands of church officials. We knew there was no truth to the allegations against me so aside from some inconvenience to us, we were not harmed. A young girl that has been victimized by a leader or older church member and then is not believed - that is just plain horrible. Those situations need not be subject to Matthew 18 which provides for problems between two brothers or two sisters; and does not involve criminal conduct.
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Re: How does Matthew 18 apply to sexual abuse?

Post by Hats Off »

Matthew 18 does not apply in circumstances of known sin or if the victim comes forward. It is also important to carefully review circumstances surrounding allegations. First, we do not want to victimize a legitimate victim. On the other hand, in my experience, we also need to make sure the supposed perpetrator does not become the victim. My wife kept hearing rumours about what was supposed to have happened at our house - involving a close relative of hers. I suggested we ignore the rumours - until I heard them myself. I went to a church official to talk about the rumours - his response was that they have investigated many supposed claims of harassment all coming from the same source and none were valid. He advised we just continue to ignore the rumours. In time my wife and I were interviewed separately by church officials and their wives; again they said they believed us but when the supposed victim came to them, they had to act. Later the police also began an investigation which dragged on for a long time and involved our children. Once again, it was determined that there was no truth to the allegations but this police investigation is still on my record - I was asked to be a mentor for a student program at one point, but couldn't because of this allegation.

However, it is much worse when the victim becomes a victim again at the hands of church officials. We knew there was no truth to the allegations against me so aside from some inconvenience to us, we were not harmed. A young girl that has been victimized by a leader or older church member and then is not believed - that is just plain horrible. Those situations need not be subject to Matthew 18 which provides for problems between two brothers or two sisters; and does not involve criminal conduct.
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