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Re: “One of us”
Posted: Thu Nov 02, 2017 1:29 pm
by PeterG
CADude wrote:Ideally, a person should feel they are "one of us" by virtue of being of the same spirit, the spirit of Christ. But since churches are at least somewhat human establishments, they end up having culture and traditions that become a part of them. If the spirit of Christ is the primary point of unity like it should be, you should find yourself feeling "integrated" fairly quickly, but where a church is not primarily united by Christ, you'll likely find it an uphill battle to feel fully integrated.
There are some of us who were born into the church and culture, and sometimes we're still not sure where/if we fit in. I'm speaking more of the social/culture aspects when I say that. Spiritually speaking, Christ unites people like nothing or no-one else can. Menno Simons says that "unfeigned brotherly love" is one of the marks of the true church.
This is very well said, and fits well with my own experience, which I've summarized
elsewhere.
In my experience and observation, spiritual acceptance and unity can and often do come quickly and easily, but cultural differences persist indefinitely and can cause misunderstanding and conflict after years and even decades.
Re: “One of us”
Posted: Thu Nov 02, 2017 1:45 pm
by Hats Off
YorkandAdams wrote:I'm in this situation right now. I believe it depends on a lot of factors, with the actual church (local body of believers) being the greatest difference in how quickly you feel accepted.
There are so many factors that come into play. Some of the factors that have played to my advantage include age (still can be part of a youth group), marital status (being able to go whenever and where ever god calls), and ability to make others laugh.
Several people have commented to me that I "jumped right in" to the church and no one looking from the outside could tell the difference. But the hard part is that
you are going to be reminded regularly that you aren't "one of them" simply by your lineage. My last name has the curse of being one that fits in quite well to a Mennonite directory.
Learning to play the "Mennonite Game" is something that you are going to have to do, and you are going to have to find your own unique way to play the game. I simply respond by saying "no, we're not related".
I met a group of young men from a different area but was sure I would know either their parents or grandparents. The first young man was my cousin's son so I bravely asked the next one. He responded "Ich bin ein ab gangna Englischer" which is to say I am a former English person. This was his unique way of playing the Mennonite game - it normally brought laughter from everyone that heard and had a way of removing the awkwardness of the moment. From observing him over four days, he seemed well on his way to becoming "one of us."
Re: “One of us”
Posted: Thu Nov 02, 2017 3:48 pm
by haithabu
Not everyone has the self-confidence or ability to play it as deftly as that young man. My wife has become somewhat sensitive over the years to the leading questions which are part of the Mennonite Game - such as "What is your maiden name?"
Not that such a question can't be asked innocently. We all want to establish connections with the people we meet. I myself like to play the MG on the infrequent occasions when I have the opportunity. But when, as sometimes happens, that question seems to exhaust the other person's connection making efforts and they visibly lose interest after my wife gives the "wrong" answer, that hurts.
In a way it would be easier in OM circles for her to be visibly different, then no one would go there.
Re: “One of us”
Posted: Thu Nov 02, 2017 5:39 pm
by Hats Off
The answer "I am here by choice, not by birth" is always suitable and should explain itself. We cannot quit the Mennonite game because of this but we must be sensitive when we run into the "wrong answer."
Re: “One of us”
Posted: Thu Nov 02, 2017 6:10 pm
by Wayne in Maine
Chiruso78 wrote:How long does it take for someone to be accepted and seen as part of a conservative church. Going from just that stranger whom showed up on Sunday to being part of them. I have hear in some churches it can take 2-5 years, if even heard in some Amish it can take 10-20 years. Anyone know any specific answers?
For me personally, I don't want to be one of "them".
I do not identify as a Conservative Anabaptists because I share the ethnicity, or religious rituals, or lifestyle of the Amish or Hutterites or Mennonites of any variety. I identify with the men and women who decided to follow Jesus in spite of their ethnicity, or their family's religious rituals or the lifestyle to which they have become accustomed.
To be a part of the assembly of called out ones (church) established by Christ requires a simple decision to change one's mind about one's cultural values, religious practices and lifestyle --- just like the ancestors of the "Conservative Anabaptist" did almost 500 years ago.
Re: “One of us”
Posted: Thu Nov 02, 2017 8:45 pm
by Josh
Of great concern to me is that I might be becoming “one of them”.
Re: “One of us”
Posted: Fri Nov 03, 2017 8:45 am
by Hats Off
Becoming "one of us" is not good if it means accepting accepting all the baggage that we may have accumulated in those 500 years. I feel after 500 years it may be time for "us" to unload some baggage and go back to the original zeal of those Anabaptist ancestors, to search out again the place of a called out one.
Re: “One of us”
Posted: Fri Nov 03, 2017 8:55 am
by steve-in-kville
After almost 25 years of trying to be "one of us" I came to the conclusion I wouldn't make a good Mennonite. The games, the attitudes, the cult-ish atmosphere were just too much.
Re: “One of us”
Posted: Fri Nov 03, 2017 8:56 am
by MaxPC
CADude wrote:My observation is that smaller churches that are recently established and more out of the way (in remote areas) and that are more diverse often will often have a culture that isn't as "strong" and as "demanding". I'm thinking of one small church that was in a fairly remote area but it lacked diversity and also had been established for some 40 years already and it seemed like the families there sort of stuck to themselves and were not as hospitable and accepting of "outsiders" as what some other places were.
Ideally, a person should feel they are "one of us" by virtue of being of the same spirit, the spirit of Christ. But since churches are at least somewhat human establishments, they end up having culture and traditions that become a part of them. If the spirit of Christ is the primary point of unity like it should be, you should find yourself feeling "integrated" fairly quickly, but where a church is not primarily united by Christ, you'll likely find it an uphill battle to feel fully integrated.
There are some of us who were born into the church and culture, and sometimes we're still not sure where/if we fit in. I'm speaking more of the social/culture aspects when I say that. Spiritually speaking, Christ unites people like nothing or no-one else can. Menno Simons says that "unfeigned brotherly love" is one of the marks of the true church.
Amen!
Re: “One of us”
Posted: Fri Nov 03, 2017 11:01 am
by CADude
Hats Off wrote:Becoming "one of us" is not good if it means accepting accepting all the baggage that we may have accumulated in those 500 years. I feel after 500 years it may be time for "us" to unload some baggage and go back to the original zeal of those Anabaptist ancestors, to search out again the place of a called out one.
I agree and I know quite a few others that do too, although this kind of cry it hasn't reached a fever pitch yet. I'm hoping that maybe it will in my lifetime.