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How long does it take for someone to be accepted and seen as part of a conservative church. Going from just that stranger whom showed up on Sunday to being part of them. I have hear in some churches it can take 2-5 years, if even heard in some Amish it can take 10-20 years. Anyone know any specific answers?

I was at it for nearly 25 years. the Brethren circles (both liberal and conservative) are really open armed. Mennonites... not so much. Its all about pedigree to them. No experience with amish. I'd steer clear of the "in between" groups like the Charity franchise, or anything that claims to be "independent." You'll always be second class.

Just my experience. Hope you're not trolling.

Anyone who comes into a congregation from a much less conservative background will never be really "one of us" in a congregation made up of people who grew up in that setting, or in one more strict than that. (I have to put that in quotes for sure, because I am "one of those".) You are on a trajectory that is moving, or has moved, in the opposite direction as theirs - they have become, or are becoming, more 'liberal', you have become, or are becoming, more 'conservative'. They largely inherited their way of life; you have struggled to attain it. The convictions of 'the one from the outside' are often (assuming sincere motives of a spiritual nature) based on something deeper than that of many 'in-group' people. I think you can become "one of us" only to the part of a given congregation that has personally and spiritually struggled with their beliefs and practices/standards through deep soul searching, Bible study, and prayer. Their motivation for their chosen way of life will be most like yours, or, you might say, YOUR motivation will be most like theirs. But there will be some who are there because it's the easy thing to do to not make waves with their parents, spouse, children, and friends they grew up with. Others simply do not know of anything else, and are content to live their lives in the same expression of (even deep) faith as their forefathers did. I would never dare question the sincerity or genuineness of their faith, but it is not like that of one who came in from 'the outside'. It's not bad to be different. (There doesn't seem to be any other choice, regardless.)

What I'm saying is if you are attempting this change in order to 'fit in', or "be one of us", then consider carefully before doing it. But if you are convinced that this is the way of life that is right for you, before God, then go for it, and don't worry about whether you will ever be "one of us".

[Personal note: I "married in" (in addition to having previously taken a move in this direction), and after over 30 years, in some ways I am now "one of us", but in other ways I am not, and I'm OK with that. Although I miss some things about my own background (Mennonite Brethren), this is where I belong now. It wasn't perfect where I came from, and it's not perfect where I'm at.]

Chiruso, I think the important focus is not on joining a fellowship to be accepted as one of them. The focus in my opinion is to join because the group is following the same calling to the Lord that you have and is expressing their discipleship in a like-minded manner. The focus should always be Jesus.

In some ways you will always remember that your past is different from ours. You will remember that you don't have extended family in the church like we do. I would like to think you will remember those things after we have largely forgotten them. I hope Steve is wrong with most Mennonites - that he had a bad experience(s). But in some ways you will always be different because you came in by choice; you chose to be one of us. And I really admire and appreciate that. Once we stop treating you special and seem to almost be ignoring you, you can feel that you are one of us. It is not that we are ignoring you, we just treat you the same as we do every other brother and sister.

There are a lot of variables that might affect the answer to that question.

What do you mean by "being part of them?" Do you mean "becoming a member" or do you mean "blending entirely into the group so that no-body would suspect my father was not conservative anabaptist?" The former will happen more quickly, the latter will take much more time.

Another variable that will affect the time-frame is "Where are you coming from?" Cultural differences can cause friction and misunderstandings that can extend the process of feeling "a part" (on both sides).

What is your understanding about salvation and its working out in the life of a believer? I don't assume this is your situation (this was not clear in the OP), but if that "first visit as a stranger" is by a person who has little understanding of God and does not believe they need His forgiveness, there may be a lot of teaching and instructing needed that might extend the time before that person becomes a member.

I've known of folk becoming members within a year or two, others have had to "work at it" much longer. I've met up with people in very conservative churches who "fit in" quite well by the five year mark, others take longer.

As Neto shared, you may never feel like you totally "fit in." However many of us MB (Mennonite background) people don't always feel like we "fit in" either. We need to be aware that just because we feel awkward or "different" doesn't necessarily mean others see us that way.

Hats Off stated it well -

Hats off wrote:Once we stop treating you special and seem to almost be ignoring you, you can feel that you are one of us. It is not that we are ignoring you, we just treat you the same as we do every other brother and sister.

I assume that as you consider a conservative Anabaptist lifestyle you are having to stand up against pressure from others. You will find that the very character traits that enable a person to study the Scriptures and pursue the path they understand God has called them to are also character traits that can to some degree hinder the process of "becoming one" with a group. Conservative churches place a strong emphasis on maintaining the faith as it has been handed down to them, and on submission to the church body. Change tends to be a slow process, and you may find yourself (and them) frustrated at times when it seems to you that a certain practice proscribed by the church is clearly scriptural and should be allowed, or when a certain practice seems to undermine Bible principles and yet is tolerated by the church. A big part of "becoming one" is learning to trust the rest of the brotherhood and the judgement of others in some of these matters. This requires finding a church where you can do this. Be prepared for this to take a couple years or more.

I understand completely what is at stake. No church is perfect, and finding one whom fits with what I believe is right in terms of doctrine and practice takes time. I was not raised plain but rather “mainstream” the adjustment to the lifestyle will be great I will not lie. The ultimate goal is finding a place where I am closest to Jesus. After hearing you all I realize that I must accept that I may never be completely part of the community; and always be seen as an outsider.

My original was about how long will it take until I am no longer an outsider, does baptism into a given church not give me membership views.

Avoid churches that offer baptism but don’t offer membership at the same time. It is virtually impossible for an outsider to get past the latter hurdle.

Do you the names of any churches who practice this?

MaxPC wrote:Chiruso, I think the important focus is not on joining a fellowship to be accepted as one of them. The focus in my opinion is to join because the group is following the same calling to the Lord that you have and is expressing their discipleship in a like-minded manner. The focus should always be Jesus.

The challenge can be that the community/ close fellowship or (being one of "them") aspect is an important piece of the true expression of following Christ...

How does the verse go? You know you have passed from death to life when you have love of the brethren.