Losing NMB Friends

Christian ethics and theology with an Anabaptist perspective
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lesterb
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Losing NMB Friends

Post by lesterb »

As I read the other thread, I thought of some of the good friends I've lost over the years when an NMB family decided to pull out. I've noticed that people with MB always seem to be blamed when seekers decide they need to leave.

I know what it feels like to have your best attempts to make things work rejected. I'm also sure that we make lots of mistakes. But I honestly only know a few people who would deliberately try to turn people out.

Maybe you feel the need to leave but remember that you won't be the only person hurting over the situation.
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Wade
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Re: Losing NMB Friends

Post by Wade »

lesterb wrote:As I read the other thread, I thought of some of the good friends I've lost over the years when an NMB family decided to pull out. I've noticed that people with MB always seem to be blamed when seekers decide they need to leave.

I know what it feels like to have your best attempts to make things work rejected. I'm also sure that we make lots of mistakes. But I honestly only know a few people who would deliberately try to turn people out.

Maybe you feel the need to leave but remember that you won't be the only person hurting over the situation.
Maybe it wasn't intended for me... However, no matter where we are, Lester, I will always consider you a friend and brother. Just because contact isn't regular doesn't mean that I want it that way.

And we seen your picture the other day (phone team). Great spot for you and the children were excited to see your picture :)
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lesterb
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Re: Losing NMB Friends

Post by lesterb »

Wade wrote:
lesterb wrote:As I read the other thread, I thought of some of the good friends I've lost over the years when an NMB family decided to pull out. I've noticed that people with MB always seem to be blamed when seekers decide they need to leave.

I know what it feels like to have your best attempts to make things work rejected. I'm also sure that we make lots of mistakes. But I honestly only know a few people who would deliberately try to turn people out.

Maybe you feel the need to leave but remember that you won't be the only person hurting over the situation.
Maybe it wasn't intended for me... However, no matter where we are, Lester, I will always consider you a friend and brother. Just because contact isn't regular doesn't mean that I want it that way.

And we seen your picture the other day (phone team). Great spot for you and the children were excited to see your picture :)
Thanks Wade. I appreciate the kind words.
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YorkandAdams
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Re: Losing NMB Friends

Post by YorkandAdams »

Well since I'm partly responsible for the previous thread going in that direction, I would like to clear up some of it here.

From my experience talking to people on both sides, neither party knows how to handle some of the unique issues that come up with seekers. The church rarely brings up issues that seekers might be causing in the church out of fear that they will take it the wrong way. On the other hand, seekers often feel they are singled out by the church and that causes tension as well. This often leaves issues unresolved for years until it reaches a boiling point. I will give a personal example to clarify.

When I first came in I did not realize that I was causing issues. Calling out people who broke the standards, being completely open with my opinions, talking too much to opposite gender exc.... One of the ministry sat down with me and mentioned this stuff. I had NO idea that I was causing issues. I made the necessary adjustments right away to help deal with this and have tried to be cautious ever since.

Now do I still have issues with virtually everyone breaking the written standard, yes. Would I still like to express my opinions on scripture even when they are different from the churches, yes. Do I still want to talk to everyone no matter their gender, yes. But these are some of the sacrifices that I will have to make in order to be part of the group. I know the church as a whole has had to bend for me, and I must be willing to bend for them as well.

As for the friendship part, I have made friends among many different "brackets" and have tried to maintain the ones that I feel were meaningful. One thing I remember being told by a bishop when visiting churches was that the Mennonite community is smaller then you think. Never burn a bridge or sour a relationship. The chances of that person being related to a future contact are fairly high. :lol:
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silentreader
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Re: Losing NMB Friends

Post by silentreader »

YorkandAdams wrote:Well since I'm partly responsible for the previous thread going in that direction, I would like to clear up some of it here.

From my experience talking to people on both sides, neither party knows how to handle some of the unique issues that come up with seekers. The church rarely brings up issues that seekers might be causing in the church out of fear that they will take it the wrong way. On the other hand, seekers often feel they are singled out by the church and that causes tension as well. This often leaves issues unresolved for years until it reaches a boiling point. I will give a personal example to clarify.

When I first came in I did not realize that I was causing issues. Calling out people who broke the standards, being completely open with my opinions, talking too much to opposite gender exc.... One of the ministry sat down with me and mentioned this stuff. I had NO idea that I was causing issues. I made the necessary adjustments right away to help deal with this and have tried to be cautious ever since.

Now do I still have issues with virtually everyone breaking the written standard, yes. Would I still like to express my opinions on scripture even when they are different from the churches, yes. Do I still want to talk to everyone no matter their gender, yes. But these are some of the sacrifices that I will have to make in order to be part of the group.


I know the church as a whole has had to bend for me, and I must be willing to bend for them as well.

This is something that seems to fall by the wayside in too many cases, the willingness of both sides to work towards a mutually agreeable solution. Too often personal preferences become stumbling-blocks, (this can be on both sides) even if salvation issues are agreed upon. This should not be so among us, brethren.



As for the friendship part, I have made friends among many different "brackets" and have tried to maintain the ones that I feel were meaningful. One thing I remember being told by a bishop when visiting churches was that the Mennonite community is smaller then you think. Never burn a bridge or sour a relationship. The chances of that person being related to a future contact are fairly high. :lol:
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Josh
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Re: Losing NMB Friends

Post by Josh »

I an NMB person and I am still hurting over the NMB friends I have lost.

As far as the MB people I'm no longer close due to reasons involving leaving their church, etc., I am very aware hurt exists on both sides. I guess I don't blame the problem on being Mennonite background or Plain Anabaptist culture.
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steve-in-kville
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Re: Losing NMB Friends

Post by steve-in-kville »

YorkandAdams wrote:
When I first came in I did not realize that I was causing issues. Calling out people who broke the standards, being completely open with my opinions, talking too much to opposite gender exc.... One of the ministry sat down with me and mentioned this stuff.

Wow. This actually describes the first 6 - 12 months when I joined a conservative church and worked for an even more conservative employer. I think both of us could tell stories! I'd like to think I could look back and laugh... but I can't. :laugh
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