When the boys start coming around...

Christian ethics and theology with an Anabaptist perspective
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steve-in-kville
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When the boys start coming around...

Post by steve-in-kville »

Hypothetical situation (I'm asking for a friend ;) ):

What if you have a daughter that is soon turning dating age (whatever that is to you) and you know there is a young man that has his eyes on her. Is it mandatory that the potential boyfriend-to-be ask permission from the parents before dating? Is it just recommended? Maybe even go old-school and write a letter to the father asking to court his daughter? Like to hear some input on this. Like I said, I'm asking for a friend :D ;) .
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Re: When the boys start coming around...

Post by Soloist »

my opinion is that he should ask permission. Really shows the character well if he's willing to ask to date.

For the record, I didn't ask, and I didn't even ask permission to marry... just for the blessing. I was too afraid he'd say no. :shock:
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KingdomBuilder
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Re: When the boys start coming around...

Post by KingdomBuilder »

To the vast majority of modern youth, "asking permission" to date is so completely foreign that they won't even be aware that they aren't doing it. If you're in a sub-culture where this is still upheld, though, then more power to you.
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Re: When the boys start coming around...

Post by Hats Off »

I didn't ask her father - I just asked her about dating. In due time I said something to her father about marrying her and he was agreeable.

I don't remember what my son-in-law did but I doubt that he asked for permission to date. He probably got our approval to marry.

In our society, unmarried daughters are not looked upon as an asset so you better let them date whoever. (Not my idea of how things should be but it almost seems to be the prevailing attitude.)
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Josh
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Re: When the boys start coming around...

Post by Josh »

steve-in-kville wrote:Hypothetical situation (I'm asking for a friend ;) ):

What if you have a daughter that is soon turning dating age (whatever that is to you) and you know there is a young man that has his eyes on her. Is it mandatory that the potential boyfriend-to-be ask permission from the parents before dating? Is it just recommended? Maybe even go old-school and write a letter to the father asking to court his daughter? Like to hear some input on this. Like I said, I'm asking for a friend :D ;) .
No.

The only reason to promote this behaviour is because you were influenced by homeschooling circles in the 1990s and 2000s like Jonathan Lindvall and Josh Harris. Interestingly, those people have recanted their ideas.

Now it definitely does make sense for a young man to talk to the spiritual leaders in HIS life before he pursues a young lady - most likely the ministers in the church, or another older brother in the church he can look up to and who is respected.
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Re: When the boys start coming around...

Post by steve-in-kville »

Hats Off wrote:I didn't ask her father - I just asked her about dating. In due time I said something to her father about marrying her and he was agreeable.
This is sorta what my wife and I did. We went to her dad and asked for his blessing to marry.
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