Are some people just prone to being hurt?

Christian ethics and theology with an Anabaptist perspective
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steve-in-kville
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Are some people just prone to being hurt?

Post by steve-in-kville »

Like perhaps "emotionally accident prone?"

Is it that they have a "kick me" sign on their back? Or do they just lack the skills to cope with life?

Reason for the thread, seems now more than ever folks leave a conservative church, or throw it all away entirely, all from too many heartaches in church situations.

Discuss.
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Re: Are some people just prone to being hurt?

Post by MaxPC »

I hope I'm interpreting this query correctly: I know in my church there are those who have their own ideas of what the church "should be." They hold onto their own personal ideas and ideals as if they are the penultimate of "church perfection" instead of trusting God to perfect all things and to work all things for good. The mistake is in trusting a man made solution instead of a God-made solution. The human race is full of sinners and messes will be made in the struggles of discipleship. Those who hold onto their own ideas instead of God's Will, can and do get hurt when they don't get what they want so they leave in a huff. They're at an immature stage of development when they always insist on getting their way, so indeed they just lack the skills to cope with life as you called it. That's been my experience in my church. YMMV.
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KingdomBuilder
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Re: Are some people just prone to being hurt?

Post by KingdomBuilder »

I'd say they lack the will the handle it. Maybe it's modern life, but people just see too many options elsewhere to want to try and stick around and resolve things.
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Re: Are some people just prone to being hurt?

Post by Bootstrap »

Some people are easily hurt because they expect to be treated as special snowflakes, and neither churches nor the world do that in the long run. They expect everyone else to recognize that my way of doing things is always correct, that their way is really God's will. So when this does not happen, they get depressed.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_lfxYhtf8o4

Those people respond to being hurt by collapsing and feeling depressed.

Some people are easily hurt as a passive-aggressive tactic to manipulate others, taking things personally and getting offended so that they need not ever be accountable for their behavior or the truth of the things they say.

Those people respond to being hurt by campaigning for sympathy from others, campaigning against others, asking people to take sides against the "perpetrator", and insisting on their own righteousness and the wickedness of the other. They use the hurt as a weapon and proof of their status as holy martyrs.
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Re: Are some people just prone to being hurt?

Post by ken_sylvania »

MaxPC wrote:I hope I'm interpreting this query correctly: I know in my church there are those who have their own ideas of what the church "should be." They hold onto their own personal ideas and ideals as if they are the penultimate of "church perfection" instead of trusting God to perfect all things and to work all things for good. The mistake is in trusting a man made solution instead of a God-made solution. The human race is full of sinners and messes will be made in the struggles of discipleship. Those who hold onto their own ideas instead of God's Will, can and do get hurt when they don't get what they want so they leave in a huff. They're at an immature stage of development when they always insist on getting their way, so indeed they just lack the skills to cope with life as you called it. That's been my experience in my church. YMMV.
Exactly.

Just to pick a little bit of a bone with you - I believe that the definition of "penultimate" is "second-best" or "one less than ultimate." If a few more people held their own ideas as penultimate rather than the ultimate, maybe relationships would go easier. :hug:
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Re: Are some people just prone to being hurt?

Post by MaxPC »

ken_sylvania wrote:
MaxPC wrote:I hope I'm interpreting this query correctly: I know in my church there are those who have their own ideas of what the church "should be." They hold onto their own personal ideas and ideals as if they are the penultimate of "church perfection" instead of trusting God to perfect all things and to work all things for good. The mistake is in trusting a man made solution instead of a God-made solution. The human race is full of sinners and messes will be made in the struggles of discipleship. Those who hold onto their own ideas instead of God's Will, can and do get hurt when they don't get what they want so they leave in a huff. They're at an immature stage of development when they always insist on getting their way, so indeed they just lack the skills to cope with life as you called it. That's been my experience in my church. YMMV.
Exactly.

Just to pick a little bit of a bone with you - I believe that the definition of "penultimate" is "second-best" or "one less than ultimate." If a few more people held their own ideas as penultimate rather than the ultimate, maybe relationships would go easier. :hug:
I used penultimate because in our teachings, the church in heaven and the communion of saints is the ultimate church. So the church on earth is the "ultimate less one step" i.e. penultimate. I know: it's that confusing Catholic lingo again. :lol:
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Max (Plain Catholic)
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Re: Are some people just prone to being hurt?

Post by ken_sylvania »

MaxPC wrote:
ken_sylvania wrote:
MaxPC wrote:I hope I'm interpreting this query correctly: I know in my church there are those who have their own ideas of what the church "should be." They hold onto their own personal ideas and ideals as if they are the penultimate of "church perfection" instead of trusting God to perfect all things and to work all things for good. The mistake is in trusting a man made solution instead of a God-made solution. The human race is full of sinners and messes will be made in the struggles of discipleship. Those who hold onto their own ideas instead of God's Will, can and do get hurt when they don't get what they want so they leave in a huff. They're at an immature stage of development when they always insist on getting their way, so indeed they just lack the skills to cope with life as you called it. That's been my experience in my church. YMMV.
Exactly.

Just to pick a little bit of a bone with you - I believe that the definition of "penultimate" is "second-best" or "one less than ultimate." If a few more people held their own ideas as penultimate rather than the ultimate, maybe relationships would go easier. :hug:
I used penultimate because in our teachings, the church in heaven and the communion of saints is the ultimate church. So the church on earth is the "ultimate less one step" i.e. penultimate. I know: it's that confusing Catholic lingo again. :lol:
I guess I wouldn't make a good Catholic :? :?
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Re: Are some people just prone to being hurt?

Post by RZehr »

I think each person has areas of weakness that the next person may not have. So yes, I think some people are prone to being hurt.
And these personal weaknesses or tendencies are areas that can be strengthened. Through grace we are not prisoners of our natural tendencies.
However it is essential that within the church we know one another well enough to be able to extend kindness and patience to one another in areas that we know the individual is weak in and yet is working on strengthening that area. Without knowing one another we do not know if the person has failed out of weakness or is willfully sinning. Weaker brother vs. wolf in sheeps clothing.
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Re: Are some people just prone to being hurt?

Post by steve-in-kville »

Lots of great replies so far.

I think it all comes down to the fact that some people have thicker skin than others. I remember a situation in the workplace: I worked with a younger guy, he grew up as the only child. He was forever "offended" when other employees heckled him about anything. It was our culture at the time.... everyone gave everyone a hard time. It was all in good fun (most of the time). But this guy... you couldn't joke with him, He'd be in HR's office so fast it wasn't even funny.
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Re: Are some people just prone to being hurt?

Post by Bootstrap »

steve-in-kville wrote:I think it all comes down to the fact that some people have thicker skin than others.
Ever notice that some people have really thin skin when responding to others, but expect others to have incredibly thick skin in response to them? It seems like they want permission to get away with lots of offenses that they would never accept from others.

When you see that, what is the best response?

Ever notice that some people have a hard time functioning if they don't get constant approval? How can we help them get past that?
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