Well if we had such things as greeters, I doubt they would ask me. I'm not a member at our current church. We are on the list to provide hospitality and our children are in their school. A lot of this is situational at our current church and relatable to men in general.Judas Maccabeus wrote: ↑Mon Apr 29, 2024 9:41 pm
I wish I could help you. I could if you were in my home town.
My home congregation does an amazing job, getting people into the social network of the church. Our pastor , who I highly respect, does his level best to make seekers part of the fellowship . Per our form of church governance, there are things that only members can do. Being greeters, on the team hosting fellowship meals, registering children for VBS, getting the snack ready (just to be clear, not teaching) all of these things a non member will likely be asked to do. I was “greeter” on Sunday morning while my wife was still putting on her covering in the car. These are the things that integrate people into a fellowship. If you are willing, we are willing too.
When you start being asked to provide hospitality rather then receive it, you know it is working.
Most men tend to have the typical 8-5 sort of manual labor job like roofing with people like me with a 6am-6pm being less common. Our work schedule of Monday through Friday tends to be typical whereas I have Wednesday through Saturday. The majority of them are not interested in socializing on a Monday or Tuesday and that leaves basically Sunday. You can't reliably invite people over every Sunday for fellowship and after you ask a few people, you might feel a little awkward to keep going down the list.
Men in general do not socialize like the ladies do. Sewing circle, hot lunch, drop in visiting are common practices. Men? we have the every so often men's meeting to discuss issues and we work.
This basically means if you don't work with them, you don't interact with them. Its not so much that they are not involving you, but its much more daunting to invite over a seeker for a "quick" family get together for a birthday.
Then assuming they do any work for the hypothetical widow, its likely going to be on Saturday.
These things are more applicable to the current church I'm at and I've honestly faulted it on my work, their work and the aspect of how Mennonite men socialize.
At our last church, our Bishop's family made some efforts to include us and its easy to speak in generalities from trends. Him and I (old enough to be my father) didn't always see eye to eye on things and we tended to clash personality wise. I made mistakes and he made mistakes...
Its a multi faced problem but its harder to fix then it might seem, culture, work practices and number/age of children have a serious impact.
As I alluded to earlier, when we attended a Methodist church (we were terribly ignorant then) I had a friend to hang out with and I had socializing with my gaming buddies on the internet whenever I wanted. I didn't even know the pastor and fellowship wouldn't really have ever happened at that church. Its not about being "friends" or eating food and that makes it complicated by my work profession.
I have my own struggles with bitterness but this issue is more of my hobby horse and not the subject of it. Reality is, perception is always going to distort and interpret through certain lenses. We (seekers) see a lifestyle that is "perfect" and looks holy but we don't really know how to get it. We can never get close enough to learn from observation and what we lack is the upbringing they had, not that it was somehow all better though, I see the families and can pick and chose which ones I'd want to be brought up like so by that, its not really an accurate perception either.
When we discuss these issues, its easy to forget the "little" things that actually cause some of this disconnect in the first place.
If I worked with them, I doubt I'd have nearly as many issues with feeling a lack of fellowship but maybe I'd feel even more problems depending on who I worked with.
They want me to become a member and If I did, they would likely start throwing me into all sorts of roles which when it comes to speaking in front of a church... I can't do it very well. I can talk all day about medical stuff in any amount of detail in front of mixed crowds, but Bible stuff... I can't even remember the ladies names to assign for prayer groups. I retracted my membership at our last church which was permitted and for personal reasons have not been ready to apply again.
I think this is part of the reason why a single person can integrate better, they can slip into working for someone or with someone much easier then married with financial responsibilities.
