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This is from another source:

"I have a friend of mine that pledged to marry her and had the vows in writing, but never had the ceremony, Now he wedded another woman and some say he should go back to the first lady he made vows to on paper.

he is trying to determine by scripture if this is the right thing to do. He did not make any vows before a mininster or a JP and has no marriage certificate to the first lady"

What do you folks who believe in some kind of permanence of marriage or take a stance against divorce & remarriage think of this?

I would hope he went back to the first woman and told her where he was at before he married the second woman. I would also hope there was a decent interval of time between his first promise and the subsequent marriage to the second woman. If not it seems like a poor start to married life. It would seem to me that he might have been a little flighty. While his actions may be a little immature, he never was legally bound to the first woman.

It reminds me of a song we learned at school, something like this:
There were 5 pretty girls at the village school
Cite and sweet, short and tall,
and a boy loved them all
but you can't marry 5 pretty girls.

Josh wrote:This is from another source:

"I have a friend of mine that pledged to marry her and had the vows in writing, but never had the ceremony, Now he wedded another woman and some say he should go back to the first lady he made vows to on paper.

he is trying to determine by scripture if this is the right thing to do. He did not make any vows before a mininster or a JP and has no marriage certificate to the first lady"

What do you folks who believe in some kind of permanence of marriage or take a stance against divorce & remarriage think of this?

What a mess. I would lean toward staying with his current wife, but he needs to repent of his sin (Broken promise) and offer restitution.

If we regard any promise written or not (Makes no difference) as the same as a marriage, than any broken engagement is the same as a divorce. I don't think we are ready to go there.

J.M.

are you seeking CM views, or all views?

Hmmm- does the first lady have any say at all in this? What if she wouldn't want him to marry her at this point- who wants someone to marry them after a situation like this happened? I might consider it a blessing in disguise- they were somewhat like the Jewish custom of betrothal with a pledge like this? So- are broken engagements wrong? My Amish friend (former now) had 2 or 3 Amish women he was engaged to break the engagement- is that sin?

temporal1 wrote:are you seeking CM views, or all views?

I would be seeking views of people who have a strict view on divorce and remarriage. Virtually anyone else would find this whole situation ridiculous to even talk about.

Valerie wrote:Hmmm- does the first lady have any say at all in this? What if she wouldn't want him to marry her at this point- who wants someone to marry them after a situation like this happened? I might consider it a blessing in disguise- they were somewhat like the Jewish custom of betrothal with a pledge like this? So- are broken engagements wrong? My Amish friend (former now) had 2 or 3 Amish women he was engaged to break the engagement- is that sin?

Excellent points Valerie. Engagement isn't marriage, and it's silly to conflate things that aren't marriage with marriage. If something isn't a marriage, it doesn't carry the same commitments.

I know one (fringe) Anabaptist who believes once you've been in love with someone it is adultery to ever marry anyone else. He is raising his children to believe this way too.

Josh wrote:[I know one (fringe) Anabaptist who believes once you've been in love with someone it is adultery to ever marry anyone else. He is raising his children to believe this way too.

that's easy enough to get around...
oh, i thot i was in love with mr x, but i obviously wasn't because this experience is definitely love.

justme wrote:

Josh wrote:[I know one (fringe) Anabaptist who believes once you've been in love with someone it is adultery to ever marry anyone else. He is raising his children to believe this way too.

that's easy enough to get around...
oh, i thot i was in love with mr x, but i obviously wasn't because this experience is definitely love.

Well, when it comes to matters of 'the heart' :

Jeremiah 17:9King James Version (KJV)

9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?

I also suppose if i was in the 2nd woman's shoes, I'd not feel exactly 'sure' he knows himself that well- but once you are committed, officially married- not good to look back.

(Valerie, i responded to your post, but waited to hear from Josh about whose input he wanted.)

Valerie wrote:Hmmm- does the first lady have any say at all in this? What if she wouldn't want him to marry her at this point- who wants someone to marry them after a situation like this happened? I might consider it a blessing in disguise- they were somewhat like the Jewish custom of betrothal with a pledge like this? So- are broken engagements wrong? My Amish friend (former now) had 2 or 3 Amish women he was engaged to break the engagement- is that sin?

broken hearts are hard.
often, the pain is too great to see any blessing in the moment, but, certainly, with time, these situations do reveal God's greater plan.

it may be crystal-clear for those outside, but, the immediate inside view is pain.
i'm sure you, and everyone here understand that.

if engagements are fully equal to marriage, why use the word?
often, promises of marriage without formality are made, when these personal vows are made+broken, someone gets hurt.

i'm in agreement with others above. and, i agree with your point about not wanting to marry someone you know loves or is commited to another. that could make for a miserable life.

romantic love should not be the sole basis for marriage.
if i recall, someone on this forum described romantic love as we understand it today, as a "construct" of the Victorian times. entirely possible.

i have read of past marriages not based on love, but that love resulted over years of mutual respect and cooperation in family and life. honestly, even today's marriages that are initially based only on romantic love, if they are blessed, grow into this "earned"/mature love, of mutual respect and cooperation through life's events and trials.

marriage vows mark the beginning of a new life together, the usefulness of the contract is to help bond the two, when either/or might prefer to go elsewhere. over time, everyone is tested.

engagements are the serious step to marriage. but, as JM described, not equal to marriage.
engagement or marriage, broken vows hurt.