Temporary Separation from Spouse

[steve-in-kville]

I’ve also known of yet another who got into trouble with lot lizards.

So the conspiracy theories are right! There are lizard people.

Haven't heard that term in a while

[steve-in-kville]

The longest we were apart was two weeks. Hospital stays and some hunting trips to other states. I was able to visit him, when hubby was in the hospital. I don't mind hunting trips either. His time away gives me the opportunity to do some projects without the interruption of needing to cook and doing very little laundry. The one time I painted two bedrooms, the one being the one we slept in. Hubby gets congested from the chemicals in paint, so it was a good time to do the project when he was gone. I slept in the living room.

The most we've been a part was maybe a day or so.

I know of couples where he goes off on a fishing or hunting trip for a week with the guys, and she goes on a trip to the beach with the girls, which I guess is fine as long as everyone behaves and they are both okay with it. Neither my wife or I would do such things, not our jam.

[Soloist]

Wife: Back when we were in the military, there were a few times where we were separated for 10 to 14 days, and one time when I would visit my husband on weekends while he was at field med, one time, not being able to get a hotel and deciding to sleep in the hospital parking lot because seven or eight months pregnant with baby number one. I think we both went mental during our separation times, and it would’ve been way worse if he ever had to do any deployments, and I know that hasn’t generally been healthy for marriages.

Post military, we’ve been gone from each other for maybe three or four days if, for example, I need to go to a funeral, or he went to some conference in Pennsylvania. Also, he moved ahead of me, and all of those times, he was going mental missing me, and the other way around. I was pretty sure that I could handle him being gone while I finished moving until that very first night when my daughter was screaming nonstop with an ear infection and I had a complete meltdown. The next day, my friends daughter decided she would come a little early to help me move because she felt sorry for me, and things went better after that, but we were very very happy when we reunited.

There are times when separation is necessary, but I certainly would not endorse getting a job that requires it, and I think mission work should have the idea that, except in very specific situations, there should not be long term assignments that separate spouses. We also personally despise when he works night shift.

[Neto]

Concern about seedy activity at truck stops is another reason I have seen for groups that object to careers in OTR trucking.

Some of our members who are truck drivers (regardless of whether they spend the night out on the road, or are just in & out of truck stops) wear wedding rings while in public spaces. Obviously that doesn't deter everyone, but they say it helps.

[Josh]

Concern about seedy activity at truck stops is another reason I have seen for groups that object to careers in OTR trucking.

Some of our members who are truck drivers (regardless of whether they spend the night out on the road, or are just in & out of truck stops) wear wedding rings while in public spaces. Obviously that doesn't deter everyone, but they say it helps.

Or that might just attract a lot lizard...

[Neto]

Concern about seedy activity at truck stops is another reason I have seen for groups that object to careers in OTR trucking.

Some of our members who are truck drivers (regardless of whether they spend the night out on the road, or are just in & out of truck stops) wear wedding rings while in public spaces. Obviously that doesn't deter everyone, but they say it helps.

Or that might just attract a lot lizard...

I don't know what that is, but somehow I don't think I want to find out.

[Bootstrap]

What do you think the maximum time should be, if the purpose is work-related? Ministry-related? Would your make a difference between these two reasons for being apart?

My wife and I are feeling this one out for ourselves. Even two weeks away seems like a LOT ... especially when it happens again a month or two later. It takes time to get over jet lag, it takes time to get caught up emotionally and be on the same page, and travel can interrupt that. That dynamic is the same for ministry or work.

Some of our members who are truck drivers (regardless of whether they spend the night out on the road, or are just in & out of truck stops) wear wedding rings while in public spaces. Obviously that doesn't deter everyone, but they say it helps.

For us, I don't think that's the concern. Neither of us is getting romantically involved with other people. But it's always important to see your spouse as important, to care about being close, to have a life in common. And that means setting limits on work or ministry to make room for marriage.

[Josh]

Being away from home is awful for the children.

I used to be a foster parent and was working in another state, and there were limits on how long our foster baby could be out of state, so I would take a red eye flight Sunday night, go to work Monday morning, and then fly back Friday evening. It was not a fun time at all.

[Neto]

What do you think the maximum time should be, if the purpose is work-related? Ministry-related? Would your make a difference between these two reasons for being apart?

My wife and I are feeling this one out for ourselves. Even two weeks away seems like a LOT ... especially when it happens again a month or two later. It takes time to get over jet lag, it takes time to get caught up emotionally and be on the same page, and travel can interrupt that. That dynamic is the same for ministry or work.

That first time we were apart (for 6 weeks), it certainly did feel like a long time. And it was so long for our daughter that she didn't know me anymore. At least she wouldn't go to sleep at night until I left the house, saying "Goodbye", like I was a visitor going home. Then as soon as my wife took her to the room where she slept, I came back in as quietly as possible. I remember one later time when I was out in the village alone for just 4 days, and one evening, as I was getting ready to quit mowing for the day, I looked over at our house, and thought how nice it would be to see my family again. Then I remembered that they were not there. I cannot recall any other time when it was as bad as that time for me. I wasn't going nuts or anything, just feeling really lonely - don't really know how to explain. Once I got really sick while I was out there alone - that was rough for a different reason. The worst for my wife was probably either of two occasions. Once while we were in the village I went with several other men to give another man a shot, and (in her words) as soon as we disappeared into the jungle the women all came & told her that it was very far where we were going. (Actually, the women had almost never been there, or that far away in any direction.) The other time was once when I was in the village, and someone came and pounded on the door during the night (on the mission center). It turned out that the "guard" had come upon someone breaking into the office, and was shot at. Our house was the closest, so he came there to get help. (She didn't answer the door, of course.)

Some of our members who are truck drivers (regardless of whether they spend the night out on the road, or are just in & out of truck stops) wear wedding rings while in public spaces. Obviously that doesn't deter everyone, but they say it helps.

For us, I don't think that's the concern. Neither of us is getting romantically involved with other people. But it's always important to see your spouse as important, to care about being close, to have a life in common. And that means setting limits on work or ministry to make room for marriage.

They don't do this for the sake of assuring their wife - it's to send a signal to any other women around the truck stop. As I understand from those who have talked about it, most of the women there don't want to waste time trying to proposition a man who is wearing a wedding ring - it's easy enough for the man to take it off if he's "looking for company". It just avoids the bother of being approached that way.

[Judas Maccabeus]

Some of our members who are truck drivers (regardless of whether they spend the night out on the road, or are just in & out of truck stops) wear wedding rings while in public spaces. Obviously that doesn't deter everyone, but they say it helps.

Or that might just attract a lot lizard...

I don't know what that is, but somehow I don't think I want to find out.

A harlot, that hangs out at truck stops.