Joining a church vs Actually obeying the rules

[GoodGirl]

I’m going to try to keep this hypothetical, to protect the guilty people I know & love.

Say a nice family joins an ultra conservative church, with huge coverings tied under the chin, no internet, no music, the whole nine yards, as per the brotherhood agreement.

One spouse thinks what he does in his bedroom privately on his own time (movies, wine, whatever) is none of the church’s business, as long as he conducts himself properly the rest of the time…

The other spouse (who shares the bedroom & so the bedroom activities) feels like they themselves are going to hell for being ‘dishonest’ to the brotherhood agreement they agreed to, but OTOH, they don’t actually believe watching a movie or having wine, etc, is a sin… they just feel dishonest, and so feel like they won’t make it to heaven for being a ‘liar’ & unfaithful to the brotherhood agreement.

To make it more complicated, it seems like ‘everyone’ (at least 3/4 of the church) breaks the brotherhood agreement, so spouse number one argues that ‘why should they practically be the only ones to keep it’?

Basically, if something isn’t a sin (say having a glass of wine), but your brotherhood agreement says no, and you have a glass of wine anyway… you are being dishonest, right? Would you go to hell for the dishonesty?

Sincerely asking.

(And yes, it would be better to just go to a church you can agree with, but assume that’s not happening, due to spouse number one not seeing a problem.)

[steve-in-kville]

Oh wow. Go for the jugular right away

Seriously, we were part of a group that didn't allow internet at the time. Yet many did and had all manner of justifications as to why. It soon became a gray area and took up a lot of time at men's meetings.

[Soloist]

When you agree to follow the standards and have no intention of doing so, you are a hypocrite.

Doesn’t matter if everyone else doesn’t follow, you and your Conscience is what matters to God, not policing others. Spouses are complicated but Mennonet isn’t who should solve that problem.

[Verity]

God makes us each accountable personally, that is why we each are given a conscience. No spouse is the conscience for both of them. The wife can be honest with her husband about how she feels but it isn't her job to feel guilty for both of them. Since the husband is the head of the home, he does decide what goes in the bedroom. Blatant sin is a different category altogether, although many conservative churches will say that the wife is to quietly submit even then.

A church is best known by its exceptions. Every church has them. Only after being in a church a (long) while do you know what they are.

Anyway, I said a prayer for the hypothetical wife. God give her peace and authenticity where she is.

[steve-in-kville]

Okay, look, we all know what GG describes happens. Don't act like our churches are perfect. It is not supposed to be that way, but it is. This is where compassion and longsuffering comes into play.

[Ken]

Why would you join a church whose teachings you don't agree with in the first place?

I can understand when people are raised from birth in a particular church and then come to find that they don't agree with certain tenants or aspects of it and then drift away and leave. That is a consequence of many churches bringing in their youth before many have really had the chance to think through everything as adults. I went through that same process myself and it can take years.

But I don't understand the motivation of people who join a church that they don't agree with. I guess marriage can make such things complicated and you end up compromising if both spouses aren't on the same page.

[Ken]

Okay, look, we all know what GG describes happens. Don't act like our churches are perfect. It is not supposed to be that way, but it is. This is where compassion and longsuffering comes into play.

It is supposed to be that way. That is the whole point of original sin and salvation. If churches were perfect they wouldn't need salvation.

[ohio jones]

I can understand when people are raised from birth in a particular church and then come to find that they don't agree with certain tenants or aspects of it and then drift away and leave.

Yes, one's evictions can change over time.

[steve-in-kville]

I can understand when people are raised from birth in a particular church and then come to find that they don't agree with certain tenants or aspects of it and then drift away and leave.

Yes, one's evictions can change over time.

I hated doing evictions when I was a landlord. Always happened around the holidays.

[GoodGirl]

Yeah, said husband probably shouldn’t have joined this particular church in the first place, but he liked the people & the ‘spirit’ of the church~ with good reason.

And he doesn’t think he’s doing anything wrong, since it’s private, on his own time, etc.

The wife doesn’t mind the actual activities necessarily (in moderation)…. she just thinks it might fall under the sin of lying, which opens the door to going to hell.

It’s a hard one.

The hardest is the other people at church who break the rules & act like it’s normal. SO confusing.

Like internet is not allowed, but the Bishop will say off-handed, “Well, when we were in the car lot, I had my wife check the prices online (on her phone)…” and the other wife with the aforementioned husband is thinking like “Um, what? Internet on phones is a huge no-no” (supposedly).

How is this supposed to work?

I’m sorry but I saw Pirates of the Caribbean a million years ago, and all I can think is the saying from the movie about how they’re “not so much rules as guidelines”…. Did anyone else see that movie?

Is the husband in question just a ‘pirate’ anabaptist?

The family is totally from the world, no religious background whatsoever. And the husband does not ever think his children know what goes on in the bedroom, but the wife (who is closer to the children) knows better.