Divorce and lawyers

[ABC 123]

I was going to post within the other post about lawsuits, but I did not want to derail that thread.

Scenario: Godly Christian Woman (hereafter referred to as GCW) who wants her marriage. Man who has left the faith/church has filed for divorce and has a life of "freedom" and other women in view (that is to say, he is leaving this marriage and not looking back).

There are a number of minor children. There are assets.

Husband uses GWC's strong faith and principles against her with intent to take advantage of the situation. He knows she is wanting to salvage the marriage and she is trying to win him back by being nice (not fighting for "her share").

Would you think she should get legal advice or should she let things shake out however they do? She stands to be in a bad financial situation if he gets all he said he intends to give.

[mike]

She should get both legal advice from an attorney and spiritual advice from a spiritual leader she respects.

[ken_sylvania]

I second what Mike said.

[Josh]

Instead of making GCW bear this burden on her shoulders, the church should put together a committee to help handle these things, unless she has a powerful enough family (dad, brothers, etc.) who can handle this. That includes hiring and paying for appropriate legal counsel. Her legal counsel can be advised of her unique religious beliefs and incorporate that into their legal strategy, which would include engaging in good-faith negotiations.

It should be emphasised that support of minor children is something that is a duty of every father to his children, as is support of a stay-at-home wife and mother. The fact he decided to conduct an affair and abandon his marriage and godly Christian living is irrelevant. The wife may have some latitude to "give up" her own support, but the maintenance owed to the children is not really something that is even hers to give up.

Some aspects of support "change" once someone decides to leave the cozy plain world. She is under no obligation to go get an advanced education and a high paying job. It would be reasonable for her to have a part time minimum wage job (or perhaps a full time one), but nothing beyond that. If the children are younger, she may need to be at home taking care of them as childcare is expensive. She may end up qualifying for a significant amount of state aid including Medicaid, food stamps, and so forth. Accepting such aid is reasonable.

He, on the other hand, will need to be providing health insurance for the children if he is financially able to do so, and likewise covering the cost of all medical and dental care. As RZehr noted in another thread, dental care can get pretty expensive, and it wouldn't be reasonable in this situation to try to take the children to Mexico, etc. to get it. So there could be 5 or even 6 figure cumulative dental bills in the future. (Orthodontia can run $10k, 10 kids? That's $100,000.) He'll need to cover his proportion of the cost of that.

Her obligations would include making sure whatever visitation schedule is agreed upon is stuck to; generally speaking the courts would expect the family to continue to practice their existing religion. It doesn't sound like he practices any or is having a temporary "lapse". If he doesn't want to be involved in the children's life at all, that is too bad.

A final question is where his parents/family are at with things. They should be putting pressure on him to repent as well. If he refuses to do so, they will need to step into his shoes and fulfil a lot of the old parental role that fathers play in the plain culture.

[steve-in-kville]

I agree with both Mike and Josh. I would suggest two older couples, preferably one being a deacon couple, to oversee things. I've seen that model work very well in such matters.

[JayP]

Render unto Caesar……

Divorce is a civil situation impacting civil laws about property rights, financial assets, etc.

I think avoiding “going to law” means thins like sue if your neighbor, etc.

Allowing the earthly courts their jurisdiction over your earthly financial assets is appropriate.

If a Mennonite were accidentally involved in a minor criminal situation, say a 14 year old went and drove the car illegally and damaged something. While as a Christian they desired to settle the problem, should the authorities take it to court they WILL require the defendant to get an attorney or would appoint one.

Even if they desired to just plead guilty the court is NOT letting them proceed without an lawyer.

I th8nk that same parallel applies here. She is NOT getting a divorce lawyer to DIVORCE her husband.
She is getting a lawyer because that’s how the civil system works. It is Caesar’s world, not Jesus’.

[Josh]

An amusing anecdote:

Two members in my church, both from the world, one of them long since left (he decided to pursue conspiracy theories and the transportation of marijuana), the other rather marginal, decided to get a divorce.

They both sued for sole custody of the children, and also demanded the property (such as it was), including an old minivan and a property with who knows how many mortgages on it.

The court issued judgment awarding no property to anyone as the court found there was no property of any value to divide at all.