What makes people like each other?

[steve-in-kville]

What makes people friends, especially when they have nothing really in common? Do opposites really attract?

What makes some people able to get along with just about anyone? And other people can't?

What makes women attracted to certain types of men, and vice versa?

Discuss. I'm curious what others have to say on this.

[ken_sylvania]

Maybe someday I can answer your question if I ever meet someone I like.

[Grace]

What makes people friends, especially when they have nothing really in common? Do opposites really attract?

What makes some people able to get along with just about anyone? And other people can't?

What makes women attracted to certain types of men, and vice versa?

Discuss. I'm curious what others have to say on this.

Those are hard questions. But I think some of the answers lie in a person's heart and mind. If you genuinely care about other people, are interested in their lives, are respectful and are a good listener, people will gravitate towards you and you will get along with most anyone. Body language is very important as well. People unconsciously read body language and will know if you are open to them or not.

[steve-in-kville]

This is a working theory, but it can be a self-esteem issue. There are people that value themselves by whether people like them or not, and try to get everyone to like them, thus losing being genuine.

On the other hand, there are folks that are confident in themselves, might have a small circle of friends, and really don't strive to get anyone else to like them. Others may be drawn to those that have self-confidence.

Does that make sense?

[Ernie]

I've read about lesser-known Bible teachers who were best friends with people of different theology. They could joke about their theological differences rather than it causing a barrier or division in their church or in their friendships.
One Bible teacher friend of mine (who is not well-known}) once told me that when he hears that two men are dividing over doctrinal differences, he assumes they never liked each other or stopped liking each other.

As long as both parties operate under the assumption that they one or both of them may be wrong, and that it will all become clear in the next life, they don't have to get overly defensive about their beliefs. They can hold their persuasions with an open hand. They can enjoy each other's company.
But whenever people turn their opinions into doctrine (I believe what is right!), then relationships may go south.

The same is true in the political world.

Justice Antonin Scalia was known to be friends with Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg. They often hung out.
Scalia once said, “I attack ideas, I don’t attack people - and some very good people have some very bad ideas.”

[Neto]

I remember being puzzled by what I encountered as a single person - that it seemed that there was some elusive something that was either there, or not there, when I met a girl that I was attracted to. I finally concluded that it was something inexplicable, and that there was no use trying to get past the lack of it. So at one point I just started asking if there might be the possibility of something beyond the friendship that we already had. There was only one time when I didn't get a clear answer, a sort of 'maybe'. (Just to clarify - this was when I was around 25 or 26, not a teenager.)

But I also think that a person can DECIDE to 'like' another person, both in the romantic context, and in the area of simple friendships. [In college I tried really hard to be a friend to a guy who was friends with one of my (female) cousins, but he just never responded - seemed to simply despise me. They married, but it didn't last. Maybe he was just a jerk to start with.] In the romantic realm, I'm not sure but that it's better to have a relationship where there was that conscious decision to 'be interested', because that may outlast the inexplicable attraction upon which many (if not most) marriages are based. At some point there has to be a decision to like, and love, one's spouse.

I really do not know what that 'something' is. But I'll venture a guess anyway. There is the thing about genetically-related "aroma" which may play a part in it. But obviously it is more than that. Are you a light-haired, light-complected person whose 'attractions' nearly always focused on a person of same hair and skin tone? The opposite? Curly or kinky hair vs straight? In analyzing my own (long past) attractions, most followed those lines of distinctions. That is, not "opposites attract", but "likes attract". (In the sense of personality traits, that may be "opposites attract". A quiet person attracted to a more socially energized person, etc.)

[Sudsy]

I've read about lesser-known Bible teachers who were best friends with people of different theology. They could joke about their theological differences rather than it causing a barrier or division in their church or in their friendships.
One Bible teacher friend of mine (who is not well-known}) once told me that when he hears that two men are dividing over doctrinal differences, he assumes they never liked each other or stopped liking each other.

As long as both parties operate under the assumption that they one or both of them may be wrong, and that it will all become clear in the next life, they don't have to get overly defensive about their beliefs. They can hold their persuasions with an open hand. They can enjoy each other's company.
But whenever people turn their opinions into doctrine (I believe what is right!), then relationships may go south.

The same is true in the political world.

Justice Antonin Scalia was known to be friends with Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg. They often hung out.
Scalia once said, “I attack ideas, I don’t attack people - and some very good people have some very bad ideas.”

This brings to mind my father who was born again and fellowshipped in the local Pentecostal church and his best friend, who had prayed for him for years before my father became a Christian, was a Plymouth Brethren. They would often discuss doctrinal differences but it never interferred with their friendship and respect for each other.

I agree that we can have personal convictions on what we believe that is different from another brother or sister in Christ yet still maintain and enjoy fellowship with one another. I'm very thankful for being raised in this kind of environment and have especially enjoyed those times where we could even corporate worship together. I sang for years in a senior men's choir and we sang in various Christian churches and enjoyed the fellowship of brothers from a variety of Christian faith churches. To me, it was a little taste of heaven.

[mike]

I think we often like people because of something we admire in them, which sometimes is something we feel deficient in. I have friends who are incredibly self-motivated, and I find them intriguing. At the same time, being around people with great achievements in areas we don't excel in can be intimidating.

[steve-in-kville]

I think we often like people because of something we admire in them, which sometimes is something we feel deficient in. I have friends who are incredibly self-motivated, and I find them intriguing. At the same time, being around people with great achievements in areas we don't excel in can be intimidating.

Mike has a good point. We have a large family and when people learn that, there are two reactions:

1- Oh wow, that's great! (And people are intrigued and somewhat attracted to me/us)

2- Stay off of her! (Most likely disgusted and put off at the idea)

And then there is the in-between where people ask how we do it. And this is where I tend to have fun with it and reply "when a mommy and daddy really like each other..." bit. That usually amuses them. Usually....

[Josh]

I think we often like people because of something we admire in them, which sometimes is something we feel deficient in. I have friends who are incredibly self-motivated, and I find them intriguing. At the same time, being around people with great achievements in areas we don't excel in can be intimidating.

Mike has a good point. We have a large family and when people learn that, there are two reactions:

1- Oh wow, that's great! (And people are intrigued and somewhat attracted to me/us)

2- Stay off of her! (Most likely disgusted and put off at the idea)

In our modern era of sexual liberation, it’s interesting how many people feel at liberty to criticise a family who chose to have a lot of children (and supports them, and has an intact family with both parents).