Please tell me why?

[steve-in-kville]

Why do Mennonite women go to extremes to hide a pregnancy? Like wearing winter coats at the end of May? I have a relative that is expecting and she called to tell my wife with the stern warning to "keep the information to herself, as they are not telling anyone yet."

Is this a regional thing? Generational?

[AnthonyMartin]

This may be a a fools rush in scenario, but here goes.

My wife always wanted to try keep secret as long as possible. She identified two reasons. She felt like as soon as everyone knew, pregnant became her identity and it was all anyone wanted to talk about. She had bad morning sickness all 9 months and she prefers to be sick in private, public sympathy just isn't her thing.

The other reason was the risk of miscarriage the first three to four months, and an aversion to public grief. Again, A feeling that pregnant or miscarried would become her identity.

I'm guessing there are various reasons for this to become tradition. There also seems a sense that the anticipation is exciting, waiting to reveal a secret is fun. We have 8 children and it was always fun to tell.

[steve-in-kville]

That does make a lot of sense.

We have a large family as well and she seemed to keep it on the down low until she had to wear maternity dresses (back in her cape dress days.)

I can appreciate the tradition.

[Grace]

Why do Mennonite women go to extremes to hide a pregnancy? Like wearing winter coats at the end of May? I have a relative that is expecting and she called to tell my wife with the stern warning to "keep the information to herself, as they are not telling anyone yet."

Is this a regional thing? Generational?

Back in my mother's day hiding a pregnancy was a very common thing. However I thought that mindset went to the wayside and I didn't know it was still done. In my Mennonite realm I see no effort to hide pregnancies, but see regular sized clothing stretched across large bellies. In the 80's and 90's women wore huge dresses that resembled tents and call me old fashioned, but I would rather see the tents versus the tight clothing. I will ask my mother your question, Steve.

I think Anthony's answer is good. However coming from a woman's perspective and being one who had morning sickness for at least the first 6 months, I didn't attempt to keep my pregnancies a secret. Especially when my brother-in-law told told my sister-in-law early on, that he was sure I was pregnant, because he noticed I looked very "green" on Sunday mornings in church. Since I seemed to take on a "greenish" tint in my early stages, why hide the fact?

[AnthonyMartin]

I think Anthony's answer is good. However coming from a woman's perspective and being one who had morning sickness for at least the first 6 months, I didn't attempt to keep my pregnancies a secret. Especially when my brother-in-law told told my sister-in-law early on, that he was sure I was pregnant, because he noticed I looked very "green" on Sunday mornings in church. Since I seemed to take on a "greenish" tint in my early stages, why hide the fact?

I imagine it's possible that personality type plays into this as well. Level of introversion?

[ragpicker]

Shame.

[steve-in-kville]

Shame.

Provided it was a "surprise" I can see the point.

[ragpicker]

Shame.

Provided it was a "surprise" I can see the point.

You know what makes pregnancies? Well, we don't talk about that. While ultimately unavoidable, it's best to hide the pregnancy as long as possible, because then people will think about what happened to cause it, and their minds will wander into impure thinking. Can't be giving occasion for impure thoughts like that you know.

This is more closely associated with the "no dually pickups because it looks like women's anatomy, and uncovered elbows look like another part, and we should avoid all of it, etc. line of thinking than it's not.

[AnthonyMartin]

Shame.

Provided it was a "surprise" I can see the point.

You know what makes pregnancies? Well, we don't talk about that. While ultimately unavoidable, it's best to hide the pregnancy as long as possible, because then people will think about what happened to cause it, and their minds will wander into impure thinking. Can't be giving occasion for impure thoughts like that you know.

This is more closely associated with the "no dually pickups because it looks like women's anatomy, and uncovered elbows look like another part, and we should avoid all of it, etc. line of thinking than it's not.

I expect there is a lot of truth in this statement and didn't think of it initially. With 8 children I've frequently been asked the question "do you know what causes that?". I've taken to responding, "yes, and we enjoy it very much".

[AnthonyMartin]

I've also cautioned people when asking that question with. "Please be careful, Mennonites don't like to talk about sex. We're afraid it might lead to dancing."