A Mennonite view of divorce and remarriage

[Josh]

One of the most offensive things I have witnessed is a man who seems to feel at liberty to have affairs, and whose wife eventually left him (but no divorce and definitely no remarriage - ever), who then expects her to reconcile with him. And since she won't file for divorce nor remarry she barely even has enough money for her and the kids to live on.

This kind of story shows up in The Christian Example periodically, and in books like The Price of Peace as well.

I think we need to consider a strict doctrine of no divorce and remarriage doesn't always lead to more holiness. Sometimes it leads to a lot less. I don't think tolerating someone living in blatant adultery respects the holiness of marriage at all. I think someone divorced and remarried respects it more than someone who can proudly claim to be married to their original Mennonite spouse whilst engaging in the grossest sin.

[Josh]

I guess we are just basing off of things we have seen then?
And if that is the case: The simple fact is, I never see any good fruit from remarriages.

Do you think I'm a piece of bad fruit, then?

Do you think my ex wife is a piece of bad fruit? Because her dad was previously married too.

Maybe that's why she and I had so many problems. Maybe we are just doomed from the start.

[appleman2006]

One of the most offensive things I have witnessed is a man who seems to feel at liberty to have affairs, and whose wife eventually left him (but no divorce and definitely no remarriage - ever), who then expects her to reconcile with him. And since she won't file for divorce nor remarry she barely even has enough money for her and the kids to live on.

This kind of story shows up in The Christian Example periodically, and in books like The Price of Peace as well.

I think we need to consider a strict doctrine of no divorce and remarriage doesn't always lead to more holiness. Sometimes it leads to a lot less. I don't think tolerating someone living in blatant adultery respects the holiness of marriage at all. I think someone divorced and remarried respects it more than someone who can proudly claim to be married to their original Mennonite spouse whilst engaging in the grossest sin.

You will get no argument from me in that at all. There are a lot of things wrong with the picture you paint above. But as we know 2 wrongs still do not make even the less wrong right.

[Bootstrap]

The simple fact is, I never see any good fruit from remarriages.

If you lived closer, I'd love to have you come over and get to know us better. I can guarantee you that my marriage has born good fruit in my life and the life of our children. For instance, my daughters see a traditional Christian marriage up front and personal, not just the lesbian marriage my first wife is in. And my wife really helps me figure out the best ways to continue reaching out to others in more loving ways than I could figure out on my own.

I wish my first marriage had born the same kind of fruit that my second marriage has.

I take Scripture, discernment, and discipleship seriously. I took my time to carefully discern with the Christian leaders in my life before marrying again, and spent quite a bit of time looking at the various arguments here.

[Bootstrap]

You will get no argument from me in that at all. There are a lot of things wrong with the picture you paint above. But as we know 2 wrongs still do not make even the less wrong right.

So you ask some people to divorce a second time because they divorced a first time?

[appleman2006]

You will get no argument from me in that at all. There are a lot of things wrong with the picture you paint above. But as we know 2 wrongs still do not make even the less wrong right.

So you ask some people to divorce a second time because they divorced a first time?

Not sure you are listening. My point is that from a Biblical standpoint I am not sure it is possible to divorce a second time. I know from a legal standpoint it is but on the first point we will continue to differ.

[GaryK]

You will get no argument from me in that at all. There are a lot of things wrong with the picture you paint above. But as we know 2 wrongs still do not make even the less wrong right.

So you ask some people to divorce a second time because they divorced a first time?

If it was a 2nd marriage that in your view of scripture is not a legitimate one, would you ask them to divorce?

[Josh]

From a Biblical standpoint it's possible to have five husbands, and presumably possible to be divorced by some or all of them.

[Bootstrap]

So you ask some people to divorce a second time because they divorced a first time?

If it was a 2nd marriage that in your view of scripture is not a legitimate one, would you ask them to divorce?

If I ran a church, we would try to prevent such a marriage. But I don't see any precedent in the New Testament or in the early church for breaking up such a marriage if it happens. When Jesus told us not to divorce, he could have made exceptions for that. He didn't.

[Josh]

Would anyone like a thread to explore what redemptive and reconciliatory ways are to deal with either divorced people or divorced and remarried people?