The Never-Marrieds

[MaxPC]

Query: In Anabaptist cultures, how do those who have never married function socially within the fellowships? What are their roles?

When they reach old age, who are their caregivers?

[PositiveSeeker]

I hope someone answers this. Good questions.

[steve-in-kville]

I know of several situations... there's also some stereotypes that go with it. With ladies, it seems like the single ladies kinda hang together within a conference. Ironically, they usually are very intelligent, musically inclined and more often than not, were school teachers most of their lives (I did warn you about stereotypes!). Sometimes they live together. More often than not they eventually own their own home at some point.

Men... I know of a few guys that are in their 50's. Again, allow me to interject my observations: more often than not they are socially awkward. Or desperate. Or both. There may be some mental handicaps that keep them from having a good paying job. They flutter from one congregation to another in search of a wife, only striking fear in every single girl's father!

The few that I know that reach a retirement age usually have a church that helps them financially if they need it. Many times they end up living with another single/widowed person at that age. Not always, but a lot of times.

I should say that I know of many a person that were in their late 30's and even 40's before they married. Still had a small family before the clock runs out. I know someone who intentionally stayed single so he could play sports, ride motorcycle and snowmobile. He met the woman of his dreams at 40, laid aside all the hobbies and dedicated himself to his wife. So there is hope!

That was more than you asked for, but that is my observations.

[Josh]

Men... I know of a few guys that are in their 50's. Again, allow me to interject my observations: more often than not they are socially awkward. Or desperate. Or both. There may be some mental handicaps that keep them from having a good paying job. They flutter from one congregation to another in search of a wife, only striking fear in every single girl's father!

Yikes. I guess this is what I have to look forward to.

I know someone who intentionally stayed single so he could play sports, ride motorcycle and snowmobile. He met the woman of his dreams at 40, laid aside all the hobbies and dedicated himself to his wife. So there is hope!

Yikes! Out of a need to keep myself from sitting at home and staring at the walls, I try to take up hobbies like that. I’ve lost my desire to ride motorcycles (and don’t find that it fits with a Christian spirit), and eventually I’ll have to face that I’m too old to play sports.

[steve-in-kville]

Yikes. I guess this is what I have to look forward to.

I wouldn't worry about it. You have plenty of time.

[YorkandAdams]

I know of several situations... there's also some stereotypes that go with it. With ladies, it seems like the single ladies kinda hang together within a conference. Ironically, they usually are very intelligent, musically inclined and more often than not, were school teachers most of their lives (I did warn you about stereotypes!). Sometimes they live together. More often than not they eventually own their own home at some point.

Men... I know of a few guys that are in their 50's. Again, allow me to interject my observations: more often than not they are socially awkward. Or desperate. Or both. There may be some mental handicaps that keep them from having a good paying job. They flutter from one congregation to another in search of a wife, only striking fear in every single girl's father!

The few that I know that reach a retirement age usually have a church that helps them financially if they need it. Many times they end up living with another single/widowed person at that age. Not always, but a lot of times.

I should say that I know of many a person that were in their late 30's and even 40's before they married. Still had a small family before the clock runs out. I know someone who intentionally stayed single so he could play sports, ride motorcycle and snowmobile. He met the woman of his dreams at 40, laid aside all the hobbies and dedicated himself to his wife. So there is hope!

That was more than you asked for, but that is my observations.

One thing that I would like to add is that there are many factors which could dramatically change these descriptions (at least for men). Examples are if the person grew up Mennonite, if they have family in the congregation, if they work with others in the congregation, if they live with others in the congregation, etc. Some of these men might not be as involved as much on the "surface", but end up being the driving force behind church activities and missions. I can think of several instances where this is true, and they are doing tremendous things for the kingdom.

With that being said, I feel that most your observations are correct.

[Josh]

Yikes. I guess this is what I have to look forward to.

I wouldn't worry about it. You have plenty of time.

Plenty of time for what?

[MaxPC]

I know of several situations... there's also some stereotypes that go with it. With ladies, it seems like the single ladies kinda hang together within a conference. Ironically, they usually are very intelligent, musically inclined and more often than not, were school teachers most of their lives (I did warn you about stereotypes!). Sometimes they live together. More often than not they eventually own their own home at some point.

Men... I know of a few guys that are in their 50's. Again, allow me to interject my observations: more often than not they are socially awkward. Or desperate. Or both. There may be some mental handicaps that keep them from having a good paying job. They flutter from one congregation to another in search of a wife, only striking fear in every single girl's father!

The few that I know that reach a retirement age usually have a church that helps them financially if they need it. Many times they end up living with another single/widowed person at that age. Not always, but a lot of times.

I should say that I know of many a person that were in their late 30's and even 40's before they married. Still had a small family before the clock runs out. I know someone who intentionally stayed single so he could play sports, ride motorcycle and snowmobile. He met the woman of his dreams at 40, laid aside all the hobbies and dedicated himself to his wife. So there is hope!

That was more than you asked for, but that is my observations.

One thing that I would like to add is that there are many factors which could dramatically change these descriptions (at least for men). Examples are if the person grew up Mennonite, if they have family in the congregation, if they work with others in the congregation, if they live with others in the congregation, etc. Some of these men might not be as involved as much on the "surface", but end up being the driving force behind church activities and missions. I can think of several instances where this is true, and they are doing tremendous things for the kingdom.

With that being said, I feel that most your observations are correct.

Steve, I see similarities to your description among single Catholic men and women so I don’t think you’re in danger of creating or perpetuating stereotypes. It may just be human nature.

York re the bolded: I think that’s a very positive outlet for single men. We men seem to do well if we have projects.

[Hats Off]

Men... I know of a few guys that are in their 50's. Again, allow me to interject my observations: more often than not they are socially awkward. Or desperate. Or both. There may be some mental handicaps that keep them from having a good paying job. They flutter from one congregation to another in search of a wife, only striking fear in every single girl's father!

Yikes. I guess this is what I have to look forward to.

I know someone who intentionally stayed single so he could play sports, ride motorcycle and snowmobile. He met the woman of his dreams at 40, laid aside all the hobbies and dedicated himself to his wife. So there is hope!

Yikes! Out of a need to keep myself from sitting at home and staring at the walls, I try to take up hobbies like that. I’ve lost my desire to ride motorcycles (and don’t find that it fits with a Christian spirit), and eventually I’ll have to face that I’m too old to play sports.

Josh, I really don't think you fit the stereotype. There always are exceptions. I am sure you will be able to continue doing what you are doing until a ripe old age if called to.

Steve's stereotypes for women are right on in our congregations although those who are not teachers work in healthcare, administration, retail and cleaning.

[steve-in-kville]

Steve, I see similarities to your description among single Catholic men and women so I don’t think you’re in danger of creating or perpetuating stereotypes. It may just be human nature.

Our current fellowship has no single men and maybe two single ladies, one in her late 30's and another well into her 50's. We've had others in the past who eventually married late in life (50-ish) to a widower.

In past fellowships, there always was the occasional "creeper" that would attend a congregation for a few months to check out the local female population. I know of one instance were it became border-line stalking: (he was showing up at a girl's workplace, showing up a youth activities uninvited, etc. In that instance, the leadership told him not to come back. He then did his stalking at another local church and didn't last there either.

So the moral of the story is, don't be a creeper!