RZehr wrote:The single people I know are certainly normal and marriageable. They make friends of people of the same sex and age as themselves, just like married people do. I'm guessing I can point to as many mental, perverted, strange married people, as unmarried.
The single people I know spend time with their siblings, nieces & nephews, and their own parents if they are alive. They have family, they just don't have a spouse or children. They travel.
When they get old, they will be taken care of by their siblings, church, nieces or nephews, same as a widow or widower I suppose. It's not that different - at least to me looking on. I suppose they may offer their perspective.
I wonder how much this applies to NMB. Oftentimes our relations with our family are strained.
I don’t know if we can expect our church to take care of us. It’s not really discussed. Holdeman circles might be a bit more tight knit. But generally I would assume one had better save for retirement - chances are you’ll be on your own.
RZehr wrote:The single people I know are certainly normal and marriageable. They make friends of people of the same sex and age as themselves, just like married people do. I'm guessing I can point to as many mental, perverted, strange married people, as unmarried.
The single people I know spend time with their siblings, nieces & nephews, and their own parents if they are alive. They have family, they just don't have a spouse or children. They travel.
When they get old, they will be taken care of by their siblings, church, nieces or nephews, same as a widow or widower I suppose. It's not that different - at least to me looking on. I suppose they may offer their perspective.
I wonder how much this applies to NMB. Oftentimes our relations with our family are strained.
I don’t know if we can expect our church to take care of us. It’s not really discussed. Holdeman circles might be a bit more tight knit. But generally I would assume one had better save for retirement - chances are you’ll be on your own.
I don't know. But I seriously would be shocked if the Holdemans would allow any of their members to live lonely and in poverty in old age. However, their does seem to be a certain loneliness that comes with old age, almost regardless of ones circumstances. The one acceptation I see is when the elderly live in someones home. That is what I promote. I would be honored to be able to take care of my parents in their old age. To have them be at my home and be a part of our family life. My parents did that for my paternal parents as long as they were able to do so. My wifes uncle is doing that with her grandparents.
The one acceptation I see is when the elderly live in someones home. That is what I promote. I would be honored to be able to take care of my parents in their old age. To have them be at my home and be a part of our family life. My parents did that for my paternal parents as long as they were able to do so. My wifes uncle is doing that with her grandparents.
None of this applies to NMB, particularly those of us who are expected not to be married or to have families. And remember that we do also carry the burden of having to take care of our own parents, who typically have lifestyles that aren’t acceptable to conservative Mennonites. (For example my father and mother are divorced and remarried - thus I could not realistically expect any help from my conservative Mennonite brethren.)
In Holdeman circles I expect this is not quite so bad, but Holdemans have a significant number of NMB people and are a lot more used to it. In my old Amish-Mennonite congregation, the only NMB people were myself, my friends, and one elderly lady who had a house in a bad part of town that was falling apart and who struggled to make ends meet whilst working multiple low paying part time jobs.
By the way. I hope this doesn’t come across bitter or resentful. I’m very grateful for the life I have.
But I feel in the past I painted a picture too rosy for my seeker friends. And some of my single friends have shared very real struggles with me. For example a CNA working multiple jobs over 40 hours a week and struggling not to go deeper into debt.
Another girl, around my age, stuck with a job requiring her to travel away from home for months at a time, with resultant poor health and loneliness / isolation. And these are people with good quality ethnic Anabaptist last name pedigrees.
My message has been to seek the Lord and to find others with similar struggles to encourage and see if they could even be helped.
The one acceptation I see is when the elderly live in someones home. That is what I promote. I would be honored to be able to take care of my parents in their old age. To have them be at my home and be a part of our family life. My parents did that for my paternal parents as long as they were able to do so. My wifes uncle is doing that with her grandparents.
None of this applies to NMB, particularly those of us who are expected not to be married or to have families. And remember that we do also carry the burden of having to take care of our own parents, who typically have lifestyles that aren’t acceptable to conservative Mennonites. (For example my father and mother are divorced and remarried - thus I could not realistically expect any help from my conservative Mennonite brethren.)
In Holdeman circles I expect this is not quite so bad, but Holdemans have a significant number of NMB people and are a lot more used to it. In my old Amish-Mennonite congregation, the only NMB people were myself, my friends, and one elderly lady who had a house in a bad part of town that was falling apart and who struggled to make ends meet whilst working multiple low paying part time jobs.
Right. It isn't common among Mennonite born never-marrieds either. The thing I see, is both the single MB or NMB person usually finds them selves a place of their own and get old there. There normally isn't a trigger that cause a change in their housing statues that would cause them to go from living alone to living with a family member. The ones I know that lived independently for decades, and are now 70 seem used to living independently & alone. One bachelor seems in good health and takes care of himself, and I don't really know how much social life he has other than church and traveling to see his family. The lady was fine until her health declined. The church now cleans her house. Both of these own their own homes, the bachelor took care of his parents until they passed away. A third single lady is also taking care of her 90+ yr old mother.
I was told by semi-conservative Mennonites that “God doesn’t call everyone to marry” at hearing that I was single. This was nearly ten years ago. I have met very few older single males that have no interest in getting married. So my question is the following: are marriages between older people discouraged in Mennonite churches? It seems like the expectation is to marry young and if one does not fulfill that in their early twenties then they are called to be single. I realize it becomes increasingly difficult to become married, but would the ministers discourage two people in their late thirties from marrying?
